Issues with the past

[Dagster]

So I have been dating this girl for a very short time. We aren't even officially dating but we care about each other and always have a good time together. We are both in our early 20's and our relationship was starting to turn into an actual boyfriend and girlfriend relationship until last night.

 

She has this very noisy friend who looked me up online trying to find dirt on me and found out things in the past that I want to put behind me. For example, I have a 1 year old child in which his mother makes in impossible for me to see him. She accessed me of assaulting her and trying to harm the baby, in which I never did. So she blabbered about it last night saying You have a baby don't you and completely blew up my chance to tell her when i was comfortable.

 

Last night she told me that this romantic relationship has come to an end and she wants to be friends. She said omitting is the same as lying and for 1 month I did not mention one thing about having a child, therefore I was lying to her and she cant trust me. I feel she found out I have a rocky past and doesn't want to accept that which makes it easier for me to think she wasn't the right girl for me. All I want to know was I wrong in this situation, how do i openly meet a girl and tell her everything I don't want to talk about?

 

She keeps on rubbing it in on how much she cares about me and she always liked hanging out and doing stuff outside and being romantic and It wasn't the fact I have a child its simply the fact I did't tell her.

 

To top it off I still want to be with her, I know I shouldn't and she is just trouble for me by why do I want to work things out and continue dating her?

[dali]

keeping from her that you have a kid is a pretty big deal, you really should of told her. I understand why she's pissed, why would you want to hide that from her? It's not something you can wait until your commuted in a relationship, i'd assume the kid is a big part of your life.

[Dagster]

No, the child is not a part of my life...period. I don't see him, his mother will not allow it. She finds every way possible for me to not see him and if I do get access she files that he comes back with bruises and scraps on him. Then the courts side with her and I almost went to jail. I wasn't comfortable about telling her. In fact, we were suppose to go out today and I was going to tell her. I saw where this relationship was going I needed to tell her before we committed. But thanks for your reply,

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Regardless of whether or not you see the child, you still have a child. There are plenty of people who don't want to get involved with someone who has a child. You never know in the future if you will be asked to be a part of this child's life. You created a child and therefore you need to own up to it the minute you start dating someone. I can understand why she is upset.

[Dagster]

I understand where you are coming from i did apologize to her for not sharing with her earlier. She is understand just needs to think a lot about the situation.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'll take a stab at being in the minority here. As you stated, you've only known her for a short time, and "are not even officially dating," therefore, it seems to me that you have every right to withhold that information, until you feel comfortable. This is not to say that this is something you should hide, but I see no need to reveal this early on, unless you both feel a relationship may develop.

[catfeeder]

Basic personal data such as marital status, age, ancestry, number of siblings and, certainly, number of children, are all first date material. You don't need to go into detail, and you don't need to tell any stories about any of it. Failure to mention a biological child who anyone can find out about can not only be interpreted as concealing something crucial, it can also be viewed as not too bright.

 

I'd pull back and let her cool off. If she decides over time that she misses you, she'll know how to reach you.

 

Meanwhile, lesson learned. Going forward, be transparent about standard facts with your dates.