Full Story (From My Post)...

[Northerner2011]

` June 8, 2011

 

It was sometime in early December 2009 when I first met my girlfriend, J G, at one of the local bars, The Storehouse Bar & Grill. I remember from that night I was there with a co-worker of mine for a few drinks. I noticed her right away because she stood out compared to the rest of the people there. She was wearing all black clothing and she was sitting by herself. It was during the night after I introduced myself to her, she gave me a hug in return. It wasn’t long after we both met that she wanted to leave, both me and her together. We left the bar together and while we were outside, she went up to me and she gave me a kiss to my mouth!! We both ended-up at my apartment from accross the Storehouse to the 8-Storey Highrise.

 

The next day, after spending the night together, I gave her my phone number before she left my apartment. She called me the very same day I gave her my phone number. From there onwards, we both ‘clicked’ and our relationship started developing quickly. It happened so fast that she ended-up moving in to my apartment a couple of weeks after we met.

 

It wasn’t long though before trouble started. A week after she moved in to live with me, she walked out from my apartment because she felt that I wasn’t giving her attention when I was talking with a friend on the phone. She started yelling at me and it happened so fast that she left my apartment with her stuff, before I hung up the phone!! I thought I would never hear from her again because she never called me nor told me of her whereabouts. She called me a week later in the middle of the night, from one of the local hotels, the Navigator Inn, asking me to have her back. With some hesitation, I brought her back and we were both together again. Throughout the month of December, we both met and started living together, she walks out from me, and live together again. Unbelievable!!

 

Sometime in January 2010, just well over a month into our relationship, I found my girlfriend hanging inside the washroom. I had to force myself in because the washroom was locked and I untied the string she used to hang herself, and she was picked up by the Ambulance and sent to the hospital after I called the RCMP. She was released from the hospital the next day sometime late in the afternoon and I picked her up from there and we both returned back to my apartment afterwards. After the incident, our relationship started having our share of ‘ups & downs’ but with more than the usual. That’s when she started showing signs of not trusting and jealousy.

 

It was sometime in early February 2010, when she returned to Iqaluit from Ottawa after her surgery that she started abusing me. Whenever we’d go out together to the bars around the city, she would drink excessively and we’d both be told to leave because of her. She would drink not only excessively, but very quickly, too. I know my limit whenever I’d go out for a few beers, but she acted as if as they were no limits because she drinks up to 6 cans or more of beers in a hour. She would start arguing and yelling at me, getting jealous, and even physically abusing me while still inside or outside the bars, too. This would happen almost every time we would go out together or when she‘d go out alone (when I stopped going out with her to the bars), and she would end-up getting picked-up by the RCMP and spend the night/s at the drunk tank.

 

From there onwards, during the period of February 2010 to November 2010, she was abusing me both emotionally and physically. It also became the norm that she would abuse me even when she was sober, too. There were times, too, during the night she’d even poked my face and to my eyes with her fingernails while I was asleep!! Because of her drinking and her jealousy, I wouldn’t welcome her back to my apartment for days at a time until she calmed down.

 

There were a number of times that she got picked-up by the Twilite Security or by the RCMP between March 2010 - May 2010 either from inside or outside the 8-Storey Highrise. There were also times when she called from my apartment to my workplace while I was at work, and she would be yelling and screaming on the phone. The surrounding neighbors at the 7th floor close to my apartment would call the Twilite Security or the RCMP and they would either tell her to leave or end-up being escorted out from my apartment in handcuffs!! Earlier in the year, sometime in January or February 2010, even during a snow blizzard, she insisted that I leave my workplace while the whole city and the roads were closed. During that time I was working at the Baffin Correctional Centre as a Correctional Officer. Her yelling and her screaming would be heard from the phone through the receiver, while calling me at work, and my co-workers and/or supervisor would able to hear her yelling and her screaming clearly up to 20 feet away!!!

 

I can’t remember which month, but in either April 2010 or May 2011, I decided to fill-out a Peace Bond against her. But two weeks later, come Court appearance, I withdrew the Peace Bond. She stopped drinking and she also stopped abusing me, too. And we both had peace for a change, too. But it was short-lived and she went back to her drinking and her abusive ways. Before long, she would end-up being picked-up by the RCMP or told to leave my apartment by the Twilite Security whenever she would cause trouble again. When she was abusive I would not welcome her back to my apartment and only invite her back when she was calm.

 

It was in late June 2010 when she completely lost it!!! Without warning, when I least expected it, she started yelling and screaming at me, all the while throwing things at me. I had no choice but to escort her out from my apartment, and my Landlord arrived outside the apartment and he saw the incident. He called the RCMP but they came too late and she was already gone by the time they arrived. My Landlord informed me after the incident that she was barred from the 8-Storey Highrise for good. Afterwards, during July 2010 and August 2010, I would book hotel stays for both me and her. But I love her and I had her back living with me again in my apartment sometime in early September 2010. For the next 6 weeks, from September 2010 to mid-October 2010, she did not cause any more trouble. During the whole period from July 2010 to mid-October 2010, she did not abuse me at all, either.

 

Unfortunately, we were both spotted by a Twilite Security while we were leaving together from my apartment sometime in mid-October 2010. Immediately after, I was told by my Landlord that I had until October 28, 2010 to pack my stuff before being evicted out from my apartment. Before the eviction date, though, I was either at my apartment or with my girlfriend where she found a room not too far from the Highrise. Immediately, she started going out to the bars again and she started causing troubles, too. There was an incident when I felt that she broke into the house where she was renting a room when nobody was home. I arrived to the house and I noticed a broken window in the living room. Not only that, there were blood stains from the broken window to the floor and walls leading up to the washing machine. She was washing her jacket and her pants and I realized after she showed me her cuts from her hands, she was the one who broke into the house because just days before, she lost the duplicate house keys she was given by the tenant when she started renting one of his rooms. And she smelled of alcohol because she was intoxicated and she was smoking marijuana, too. I immediately called the RCMP from the halfway house just accross the street and they arrived a short time later. Instead of taking her, they left because I wasn’t the one who was renting the house after giving statements to them. A short time later, the tenant who was renting the house arrived back and I had to explain to him about the incident. I went back to my apartment afterwards.

 

 

It was just before end of October 2010 when I decided to leave Iqaluit together with J G. I had recently quit my job during that time at the Baffin Correctional Centre because I didn’t have a roof over my head anymore. I lost my apartment and since I was homeless, how would I have kept my job at the BCC when they have scheduled night shifts, too!! Also, after the incident when my girlfriend broke into the house where she was renting a room, the tenant was either evicted out because it was a Government of Nunavut Unit or that he left Iqaluit after both me and my girlfriend left. Besides, the tenant was making plans to leave Iqaluit, too, during that time when my girlfriend was renting one of his rooms. It was a mistake I would later learn the hard way after both me and my girlfriend left Iqaluit and arrived to her hometown, Arviat, NU.

 

Before we left Iqaluit, I had to purchase 2 airfare tickets each for both me and her because there is no direct flight from Iqaluit to Arviat. We would take off from Iqaluit to Rankin Inlet first, then fly to Arviat from Rankin Inlet. While waiting for the flight to Arviat at the Rankin Inlet Airport, she immediately started abusing me again. I had never been to Rankin Inlet, and I got up from my chair after telling her that I will look at the pictures and whatnots inside the airport. After I returned back to the seat where I was sitting with her, she poked my face with her fingernails!! And right in front of everyone, too, when the airport was packed with people. I was shocked!! A short time later, we left Rankin Inlet and headed to Arviat. But instead, we flew to Churchill, Manitoba, because the weather in Arviat was not good with low or poor visibility. We stayed overnight at Churchill and it wasn’t until the next day that we finally arrived in Arviat.

 

I did not stay long in Arviat because my girlfriend was abusing me again. Even when we were attending a Church Service one morning, she caused a scene because she felt that I was not paying attention to her. She felt that I was admiring the women there instead and she forced me to move to the front seating area with her. And during the service, she caused another scene and after the service was over, we both ended-up having to talk with their minister in his office. She was angry at me and telling the minister that she wishes to change her attitude and stop her jealous ways. The talk went on well into the hour and after we were done, we left the church.

 

Two weeks had passed after we both arrived to Arviat and she was continuously abusing me. It got to a point where I had to escape from her. One night, we both started arguing and her mother got in the argument by defending her daughter. We were staying at her mothers and my girlfriend’s son happened to live there, too. He also started to defend his mother, too, by uttering threats to me. He went as far as telling me that he could kill me, too, if he had to. And I was trapped inside the bedroom where both me and my girlfriend slept. My girlfriend and her son were blocking the bedroom doorway. But they were not blocking the bedroom window. I quickly opened the window and I managed to escape. But somehow, my girlfriend grabbed my shirt but lost control and I was free. I was only wearing a t-shirt, pants, and shoes. I didn’t have a jacket on. I went to the Arviat RCMP Detachment just accross the street, but nobody was there. Instead of waiting for the RCMP Officers outside at the porch, I decided to walk around and look for a phone someplace else. I remember that I knocked on the doors to a number of houses, but with no luck. Then, I ran into my girlfriend’s son. He immediately started going at me, hitting me, punching me, and kicking me. I wanted to fight back, but since he was my girlfriend’s son, I wouldn’t defend myself. I let him continue hitting me and whatnot. After what seemed like 15 minutes, he gave-up and walked away. There were a number of houses nearby and I was able to use their phone and I called the RCMP. The RCMP arrived a short time later and I was dropped off to their Detachment first and then to the Arviat Health Centre after to treat my cuts and bruises. I have no friends or relatives at Arviat, nor don’t know anyone either, and I ended-up sleeping at the RCMP Detachment for the night. I didn’t press charges to either J G or her son. The next day, sometime in the morning, while Constable Shayne Courtorielle was looking for a place for me to stay, my girlfriend arrived to the RCMP Detachment. She found out somehow that I was at the RCMP Detachment because she brought along my glasses and my winter jacket. She apologized to me and we started talking together, and Constable Courtorielle ended-up talking with us, too. Since I didn’t have a place to stay and Constable Courtorielle couldn’t find me a room around Arviat, I had no choice but to return to my girlfriend’s mothers house.

 

Since I wasn’t working anymore and with no more money, I figured that I may be stuck at Arviat. I spent my last 2 or 3 paycheques totalling about $4,500 - $5,000 from my previous job mostly to her after paying off my credit card bills and other expenses. The other expenses was for groceries and the rest for giving her money to feed her habit, marijuana. And she completely wiped out every penny from my Bank Account. And she was still abusing me almost on a daily basis, including the nights, too, when she’d continued to poke my face with her fingernails while asleep. Given this, I decided that I should just leave her and Arviat altogether. I didn’t have a life because she was controlling me in every way. Also, her mother and her son watched every move from me, too, exchanging info to my girlfriend about my whereabouts and/or what I do when my girlfriend would be out someplace else or when I’d be out, too. I couldn’t take it anymore.

 

On November 19, 2010, I went to the RCMP Detachment with my girlfriend. For the past 3 or 4 days, Constable Courtorielle was making travel plans for me with my credit card. I did not tell my girlfriend that I was planning to leave her. It was during those 3 or 4 days I went to their Detachment either alone or with her, saying that I’d be hired as a Guard after giving my Resume to them. That was the last time I was with her in her hometown, and I ended-up spending the next 5 days at a ‘safe house’ before I was finally able to leave Arviat on the 24th of November, 2010.

 

For a while, after I arrived back to Iqaluit, I didn’t want anything to do with her anymore. But it wasn’t long after we both started exchanging emails throughout the month of December 2010. By January 2011, we were both calling to each other. And since I still love her, I decided to bring her back. I remember very well while making plans to have her return to Iqaluit, she would tell me that she was fed-up with her son and wanted to leave Arviat. She even insisted that I pay for her mother’s airfare ticket, too. But in the end, sometime in early February 2011, she arrived in Iqaluit alone.

 

When she arrived back to Iqaluit, we did not spend the night together. Instead, she went straight to the Nova Inn Hotel to visit a family relative right after I picked her up from the airport. She never called me throughout the night and I got worried of her whereabouts. I even called the RCMP thinking she might be missing. The next morning, she showed up at the NAC Students Residence where I was renting an apartment unit while working as a Security Guard for both the College and the Old Rez. The same night, on her second day after arriving back to Iqaluit, she already caused trouble and she was back to her abusive ways. She started yelling at me and getting jealous concerning a female co-worker of mine where she was working as a Security, too, at the Old Rez. She started hitting me, kicking me, and also scratching me with her fingernails with force and I had no choice but to escort her out from the room unit. The surrounding neighbors close to the room and the Security Guards who were also working that night called the RCMP and she got picked-up by the RCMP a short time later. Four days later, she was barred from the NAC Students Residence. The very same day after I was told that she wasn’t allowed to live with me anymore, I lost my job and the apartment unit after the Human Resources from the GN screwed-up my paperwork. From there, it was nothing but frustration & pain from my girlfriend. She was continuously abusing me both emotionally and physically. She’d caused nothing but trouble. On April 2011, she was sent back to her hometown, Arviat, by Social Services.

 

( Pictures of Me with Scratch Marks on my Face and to my Neck )

 

Scratch Marks from incident she caused at the NAC Students Residence, February 05, 2011, by J G. She was somewhat intoxicated after she returned back to the Old Rez from one of the local bars and she immediately started yelling and arguing in my apartment unit. I was working during that night as a Security Guard and she arrive there sometime after 11pm, with less than an hour left for my evening shift. There was a female Security Guard working too the same night, and that set off my girlfriend and her jealousy. Throughout our relationship from December 2009 to April 2011, she gave me nothing but pain because of her jealousy and her anger. Either a sister or a family relative, workers (Bank Tellers, Office Workers, Cashiers, etc.), and even from the general public or a friend, she felt that I was screwing them all behind her back. She even went as far as to believe that I was screwing my female co-workers, too, or with a female inmate (before the Women’s Facility existed) while I was still employed at the Baffin Correctional Centre.

 

She broke 3 pairs of my glasses (plus 2 pairs of glasses she lost that I bought for her), 4 laptops (3 that I gave to her from me, 1 belonging to me), and 7 iPod gadgets (6 that I bought for her, 1 belonging to me). She broke a high-speed modem, too. Before she arrived back to Iqaluit from Arviat, she told me she also threw away the sewing machine I bought for her and the 30” widescreen TV & DVD player I left behind when I left Arviat. She had also torn apart my luggage, threw away the rest of my clothing (managed to get some back) after I left Arviat, and she either lost or threw away both of the 2 engagement rings that I bought for her (1 in Arviat, 1 in Iqaluit). She would also lose or throw away some of her clothing and everyday needs (woman stuff; tampons, hand lotions, etc…) or other little things (make-up, hair bands, etc…) that I bought for her when sober or while intoxicated when I wouldn’t welcome her back to my apartment between the bouts of her abusive ways and when she wouldn’t hurt me physically while I was still living at the 8-Storey Highrise. All those lost between Feb. 2010 to Feb. 2011.

 

While I was still living at the Highrise when she was evicted out from my apartment, during July 2010 and August 2010 alone, she was going from one place after another. She’d either be at her sisters, family relatives, or friend‘s houses. Almost as soon as she arrived to their homes, she was kicked out because of her drinking and her anger. She would also stay at hotels and other places, too, where she’d tell me she’d be welcome to feed her habit and/or drinking. She would also spend quite a few nights at the drunk tank, too. I don’t know what to call that sort of living.

 

Whenever I found a room to rent around the city for both me and her after I lost my apartment unit at the NAC Students Residence, we were kicked-out because of her drinking and her fighting. She showed no respect or consideration to others, and she’d only cause trouble and she would end up being picked up by the RCMP. Because of her, I even ended up at the drunk tank, too. She caused nothing but trouble, and she was also nothing but trouble to me, too. Yet, all the while she was hurting me in every way, I still loved her because I saw something in her when nobody else did. Everybody typecast her as a bad girl, while I see her as a woman who leads a troubled and hard life. I have forgiven her for what she was doing to me.

 

After being together for well over a year, I decided to end the relationship after she was sent back home to Arviat by the Social Services this past April. From March to May, I stayed at the Men’s Homeless Shelter while she was going from one place after another just like the last time. She’d called me from the local bars or from some place where she’d be welcome feeding her marijuana habit and/or drinking. Even when the Social Services gave her chances helping her by letting her stay at both the Women’s Shelters (both in Iqaluit & Apex), not to mention the Boarding Home, too. In the end, she was sent back to her hometown. She showed no consideration or respect wherever she went, even while we would go out together to eat at the public places around the city. The only life she knows, as far as I know, is when she’d be drinking or feeding her habit at the local bars, and her ‘friends’ that would invite her to parties. In other words, she leads an immoral way of life. That’s the only way I could think of her lifestyle.

 

Throughout the relationship, we both had our moments. We would enjoy doing things together, playing Scrabble together, and enjoying each others company. More than a few times, she would tell me she was changing for the better because of me. She continued saying that I was different than her previous boyfriends, that I influenced her by example and from my manners. She witnessed her mother being abused by her father, cheated on, and bad treatment during her upbringing while growing up. Not to mention her siblings, too. I had faith in her for a while that she would change for the better. But, in the end, I gave up on her.

 

Finally, my last words about J G; I feel that she has a mental illness and she needs to have her issues addressed. There were number of times when she would tell me that she has psychic abilities because whenever she felt unhappy with me, she would tell me something bad will happen to me. Not in as bad, but foreseeing things concerning the * * * * * es that would call me or I’d be with them when she (my gf) wasn’t with me. Also, while watching TV or movies together, or while I’d be reading newspapers or magazines, she felt that I was only watching the women characters and/or women in pictures from the magazines and not paying attention to her. She then would rip the papers or shut off the TV or stop the movie and she would start making a big deal out it. There were a few times, too, while I was reading about a WWII story with pictures included of bombers or fighters, she noticed the women paintings on the planes and she’d grabbed the magazine and she ripped them into pieces. Such insecurity!!!

 

There were also number of times that she’d tell me that she would see ‘other’ human beings or something not human, as in as monsters or creatures. She would also see ‘spirits,’ too. Back to her insecurities, she nearly ‘killed’ my manhood sometime last year because she needed it up to 6 times a day, on a daily basis, for over a month straight!! Her sexual appetite exhausted me to a point that I ended-up going to the hospital and I was on medication for couple of weeks to treat my ‘manhood.’ Also, all the while I’d show her my love by letting all her family and her relatives, not to mention her whole hometown, know about our relationship, she still wasn’t happy. My own love songs and my sweet nothings to her wasn’t enough for her, too. She also wanted the whole world known about us, and I would post my videos that I made or mixed myself about our relationship or our love on YouTube, too, and she still wasn’t satisfied!! She felt that I was only faking everything to her all the while I was doing these things to her!! In the end, she became impossible, not to mention her abusive ways, and her jealousy. She became lost in her own world. There seems to be no more reality in her, and I gave-up on her altogether. She needs help. Yet, I still love her, but not the same love that I once had for her...

[TwelveThirty]

This story is the best metaphor of a drug addiction I've ever read.

Whenever you're ready to get out of this, just get out of her way.

And you're so much believing and still into it, you might need therapy.

Otherwise, moving, changing personal information, job; overall, to start on over will be the best cure for you. Stop looking at her for a second: you're down and you're the one who needs help now.

By the way, kudos for making this public. This is the start of your new life.

 

I would love to keep in touch with you. Please send me a private message if you agree that I help you.

[Northerner2011]

It wasn't easy when I finally had to let her go. She was my everything and my life. I saw something in her when nobody else did. The Social Services, the local Hotels, the RCMP, the Cabbies, my friends and my family, including her relatives, they would tell me that she is nothing but trouble (both Iqaluit & Arviat city/community). Yet, I didn't listen. It's just that I was able to tolerate her more than anyone else, that is why I didn't give-up on her. It didn't matter whether I'd lost everything.

 

But after the Court Appearance just over a month ago (after being postponed a number of times from March), I finally told her that it was over with her. I almost ended-up with a criminal record when I was the victim while she was the one who was abusing me throughout our relationship. And she gave me something in return which I had to take medication to treat the disease and it was treated and hopefully now cured. After that, I finally came to my senses. We were continuing contacting each other but not anymore. Since then, I've moved on and moved to another place where she won't contact me no more. There are still times when I would remember our good times together because she wanted to change for the better. But that's all history now because she's back home in her hometown. The Social Services brought her back and that was when I realized that she isn't willing to help herself to look after herself...

[TwelveThirty]

How do you feel now that you realized that? Are you going out? Did you find some work back? Do you find enough time to do everything you want?

[Northerner2011]

How do you feel now that you realized that? Are you going out? Did you find some work back? Do you find enough time to do everything you want?

 

It still isn't easy for me living without her anymore, but each new day gets easier for me living without her. All she gave me was pain & suffering, and she blew it real good when I was making plans to be with her again back in her hometown (right after she was sent back home by the Social Services). But her jealousy and her anger, that stopped me cuz I couldn't live in pain no more. That's not love!!! As for me, I have been taking things one-day-at-a-time the best as I could. I don't have a job, no money, and no home. But what matters the most is that my sis & bros, not to mention friends, have been helping me and supporting me, too, considering the situation I've been going throughout the past couple of years. I'm just grateful to be up & about...

 

MAAKUSIMI (From Markosie [English name]. My name is pronounced, Maa-ku-si, in my first language, Inuktitut (I-nuk-ti-tut). Maakusimi is translated from, 'From Markosie' (Mar-ko-sie).

[TwelveThirty]

I'm really glad that you can receive this good support from your siblings. Please accept this help without any shame or guilt and be able to move on faster.

 

This is going to be a normal slow recovery, but you can choose to accelerate the process by doing things that will make you feel confident and let time pass more quickly. The way I would describe your best cure is: to do whatever you like as if it was a drug. Sports are miraculous, but walks or games are also excellent. Don't feel bad or shy to play like a kid. If there's one thing that kids all have is a full desire to enjoy their lives. Please help yourself; I read your story and I can confirm: you're worth it!

 

Peace

[Northerner2011]

While reading a magazine, I now realized that my gf may have Borderline Personality Disorder. And someone pointed out to me from my first post that she may have it when I first posted my story back in February. I hope that she gets the help she needs cuz we're not together anymore, and I miss her dearly cuz I do still love her...

 

MAAKUSIMI.

[TwelveThirty]

Please start focusing on yourself, because you also have problems right now. Before identifying what could be the cure for her, you have to think of yourself.

 

You're such a sensitive and generous person... but there has to be an end to your goodness or you'll never be able to give to anyone else anymore.

 

Although, keep reading; it's very good for yourself to find answers and truths that your conscience is begging you to realize. Even I can come to realize... like that you are not going through the phase you are going at the moment... so I will recommend you to write a lot (like starting a journal) and to read and rest. And I will repreat myself not to feel guilty if you are taking things slowly at this point. All sorts of guilt are stunning your progress through this mental state.

 

Also, just as stress is devastating in such delicate moments, if you prefer that I stop telling you tips on what to do and think, and just keep on assisting you through some presence, I will do so. I believe there is nothing as living peace of mind for you at this moment.

 

Please keep updating me on this thread or you can do as you wish and communicate through private messsages or any other mean through internet. Or even by mail, maybe?

[Northerner2011]

I have been moving on the past few months. I'm not in contact with her anymore. Yet, there are times I wish to find out how she's doing. My sis and bros have been very supportive and that makes a big difference to me. I'm just glad to live in peace for a change...

 

MAAKUSIMI.

[Northerner2011]

Thanks to my sis, which she is on vacation with her family, I'm house-sitting the past couple of weeks til end of this month. And they have a dog, a German Shepard, and he makes me feel better every time I take him out on a daily and evening basis, too...

 

MAAKUSIMI.

[TwelveThirty]

Awsome! Kids and animals are really a great way to regain your inspiration. I'm really glad; you're on the right track!