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...I'm 19 years old, and I'll be 20 in September. I've never had a girlfriend in my life, and I've never really spent any time actually talking to girls when I was in high school. I'm too shy for my own good; It's gotten so bad to the point to where I almost have no reason to go outside, except to move around a bit because I can't sit down all the time. I don't go to parties; to me they're just full of bad things waiting to happen. Lately, I can't seem to quit thinking about girls. I want to be around them, but I feel that I can't just approach one and open a conversation without feeling completely awkward or saying something that might sound stupid. The only thing that comes to mind is "Hello, how are you?" and then after that complete silence. I'm not one to feel content after making myself seem ignorant and mistake-prone; I'm quite sensitive and it's easy to upset me.


...However, I'd love to be a somebody's little teddy bear...Snuggle Snuggle* = 3

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However, I'd love to be a somebody's little teddy bear...Snuggle Snuggle* = 3


keep saying stuff like that and you never will....not kidding


You are obviously a virgin. Go get laid somehow...pay for it...get experience somehow. Some people are gonna say it is low...but trust me...if you get laid in some form it will start to boost your confidence.


You have to have more personality deep down somewhere...you just have to hone it...there are plenty of girls around. Get used to just saying hi to people on the street, or hello, or good morning. Practice talking to strangers, learn to banter, or talk about nothing. Who cares if it doesn't go anywhere...it is better than talking to no one right?

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Don't listen to the previous person's post. Paying for sex is no way to learn how to socially interact with people. You're still young, so there's plenty of time to learn to socialize. You seem to seem to have issues with communicating without caring about how other people think about you. It's something that might take a while to get over, but can be done. Do you think maybe some of the reason why you have trouble socially interacting could be deeper routed (Depression, anxiety, etc.) A big part of you overcoming your fear of social interaction will be forcing yourself to go out and talk to people. Complete strangers. First, by striking up small talk...and eventually working your way up to having a full conversation where you get to know someone. There are people out there that can help you work through this (whether it be a family member, friend, as well as there being psychologists who can help you progress in overcoming your social anxiety) Just remember that you need to work your way small and work your way up. You aren't going to be sociable overnight. It'll be a lot of hard work and I think it'd be best done with people pushing you to push yourself in regards to you going out and interacting.

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I will tell you a little secret of mine. I never had a girl until i was 19 too. Girls just seemed too much trouble, judging from what my school mates had to deal with.


You really have to decide what kind of person you are. There are two kinds of guys.


Those than are able to walk up to any girl whatsoever, chat them up, ask them out... hell ask them for sex on the spot. They will get any girl they want, treat them like crap and toss em aside when they are done. They will have had a string of girls by the age of 30. Never really know true love until they are well past their prime and look back on their promiscuity and say to themselves ''wow what a wild ride''.


Then there are the other types, who only want a deeper connection with a girl, rarely chat girls up, rarely ask them out, where sex is merely a bonus for being able to get with a girl. They will treat girls well if allowed to get close to one and never treat them with disrespect and never stray. They will be the ones who have relationships who last for 1, 2, 3 or more years at a time. Perhaps never ending.


Which one are you.

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I don't go to parties; to me they're just full of bad things waiting to happen.


If this is how you feel, then I don't think starting to go to parties specifically looking for companionship will help- you'll be unlikely to find someone who suits you.


Also, regardless of what some might say, being shy and awkward doesn't automatically exclude you from being able to have a relationship. There are women who enjoy these traits in a man- one of my best friends is a domme who would squee over a guy like you if she wasn't taken. Also, as someone who is of a shy, gentle, and retiring nature, I can say that it is possible to find someone who accepts those things about you.


The first thing I'd look at is what you want right now in your life. Are you just looking for someone to have affectionate physical contact with? Are you looking for sex? Are you looking for a long-term relationship? Where and how you look (your gameplan) can be very different based on those things.

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I think your best bet, then, would be trying to find people with similar interests. Craigslist can sometimes be a good place to start looking to find out what's going on in your area.

Just be careful with internet hook-ups. Theres some really Not-Cool people on the net (some are downright psycho). Not saying meeting people online is Bad- I met my fiancee over myspace. Just be smart about it.

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@ OP, Some advice i would give you having struggled socially most of my live


1. Talk to a theripist. Most major health coverage will pick up the bill ask your doctor for a referal. If there is some underlying problems getting to the bottom of it is a great start to setting things right in your life. worked wonders for many of my problems.


2. Perhaps try going out n about with a friend or sibling or something. Sometims that really helps ease ya mind a little compared to showing up alone in a crow of people you dont know.


3. Like someone else said start small- Start off just "mingling" a little.. Say hi to people at what ever things your going to. Move around the room meet people maybe have a drink with someone if they want. Keep it simple. Once your really comfortable start trying to get longer conversations going and get to "know" people. Again, after your comfortable with that you should be able to chat them up with the intent of asking them out or getting a phone number or something as it's not much different.

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...Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if it was social anxiety. If I have trouble just being around my friends, then I think I may need to spend some time thinking about my emotions and how they work...How I can alternate the things I say and when to say them, and maybe maintain a mutual respect for other people's behavior. I think that's really what the problem is, because nobody seems to carry themselves the way I do, and I guess I need to teach myself how to tolerate that.


Hmm...Is it just me, or does anybody here find it annoying that you can't scroll through an entire set of pages on this forum to see other threads? I'd like to do some digging around.

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Being a bit nerdy doesn't preclude finding people who are into the same kinds of things as you. I went to Sakura-con with my husband and one of my best friends earlier this year, and attendance was 19,040 people over three days. I've found D&D groups in the deep south and anime clubs pretty much everywhere. You don't have to enter the mainstream to find someone. I'm pretty sure I'd be absolutely miserable if I had.

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The first thing you need to do is be a person in your own right.


You say you don't like parties. I agree; parties make me slightly claustrophobic, and it's only later in college I was able to enjoy them. The way I met guys was through mutual interests, not bars or parties... so, what are your interests? Are you into any kind of sports? (Tennis? Martial arts? Rock climbing?) The idea is to find a hobby that CAN be social... video games can be LAN parties, interest in food can turn into cooking classes.


If you don't have any hobbies that could be social (reading, for example, is kind of a difficult hobby to turn into something besides a book club), COULD you be interested in something social? It's important to be yourself, but it's also important to expand your horizons, to never stop discovering new things. So find a potential-social hobby that even vaguely interests you, and try it.


Getting a girlfriend isn't a bad goal, but it's a pretty big leap from where you are. Baby step your way there. First, become marginally comfortable with yourself. Next, become marginally comfortable with people. Then, try to build up some friendships within people you find interesting. Some of these people might even be girls. Don't immediately fall for them, or think "This is an interesting girl... I must make her my girlfriend!" It rarely works that way, but having female friends can open the door... you learn how to talk to girls without the romantic pressure, and they in turn can introduce you to more girls.


But first things first. Get out of your room and into the world. You're not going to find a girlfriend under your bed.

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Hmm...a lot of my hobbies take place indoors unfortunately...I'm not a big sports person. If anything I'd probably just walk around a track calmly, maybe play a volleyball game and not even keep the score, just for the shinanigans that happen, or just shoot a basketball into a goal.


Hell, I'd probably go crawling through the woods if I knew I wouldn't get lost...kind of adventurous. = D

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I'm not a big sports person either... The key is to look for the sports you CAN bear to play once a week, and expand upon that. And sports is just an example of a "social" hobby. If you are of the nerdy persuasion, look for anime clubs, DnD groups, cons, trivia nights. Seriously, nobody can organize quite like the nerdy types and the sports types.

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Hmm...I like to think of myself as a mix between a dose of nerd, and a dose of "goody goody two-shoes". I like video games and RPG stuff along with just being creative I guess... I also like to visit and talk with friends casually, without doing anything stupid. Instead of drinking a beer, I'd probably drink a Jones soda. Instead of playing a game of basketball, I'd probably just shoot hoops. I like to play pool...there's something I can do easily. And to be funny...Instead of driving like a deranged maniac...I'd probably just stay home.


...I also like being humorous. = D


I can admit though, that I don't like staying inside all of the time; I can't just sit down and stare at a computer screen or TV screen for three hours straight. It get's stale quickly, like an open box of crackers...crackers that I don't want to eat. My only question, though, is how to find groups of people with the same interests that I have. I live in a town that really doesn't have much to offer, other than a small selection of restaurants, a few grocery stores, and thrift shops.

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