Needing space, a break, or to just break up

[lonelyone09]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and we've been living together for for a year and a half as well... Were both 20 years old and he's in college while I'm just working. Before we got together we were both pretty much loners. No friends, I had just moved here from out of state and was really focused on school and not making any friends. We met online and then met at school after talking online for almost 6 months, we were destined to meet because our class rooms were right next to each other and we had class at the same time. So we met and talked and hung out for about a week before we made it official. We were inseperable, always together, spending the night and everything and within that next month I was just about moved in with him. We like to do the same things, and have the same ideas and are very alike in many ways. I do love him very much, but i'm tired and I want a boyfriend, not a boy I have to act as a mother to.

 

When we first got together he was going to school passing his classes and working. After we got together that all went out the window. He failed 2 classes that semester we got together, the next semester we did online school together and he failed 3 of his 4 classes. After that his mother said no more failing or we'd have to move out and she'd pester him on and off to get signed up for the next upcoming semester of classes. Time went by and before we knew it he had missed a whole semester. He will not do anything unless you are constantly on his butt nagging him to get things done. If it were up to him, he'd likely live indefinitely at his moms house, playing video games and spending what little money he makes at his part time job. He had been saving for a car since january, until about a month ago his grandfather stepped in and purchased one for him so he could get back to school and start working less. He wasn't able to save any money, at all, in 6 months time, and his mother is now having to pay his upcoming bills that he isn't able to afford because he spent all his money and didn't plan ahead. This past week I picked his fall semester classes for him, because I know he wouldn't do it himself. He's looking at AT LEAST 2 more years of community college just to get a general degree. His aunt has a hookup for a summer internship in california (out of state) that pays very well and will get him the experience he needs to get the best job possible once he's finished with school, but he doesn't want to go, because he's leaving me and whatever other reasons i'm sure he has. I feel like he needs to be on his own so he can learn to do things on his own, and to realize that i'm not going to stick around forever if this is how our life and future is going to be.

 

Since I've started this new job in february I've been meeting lots of new people and lots of guys. Sometimes I feel like I want a break so I can just be single and do what I want and talk to whoever I want. I am his first real girlfriend and I think we both especially him need to go out and experience things on our own because we are still so young. When I think about the things I want in life, I don't think I'll ever have them with a boyfriend/future husband, who can't do anything like a teenage boy with out being nagged to death, and who can't even save up any money for his first car. I want to have kids in my early 20's, but i don't see that happening with him until much later on considering all the schooling he has to finish. We were going to move out of his moms like we both desperately want to do, but he can't even afford the small amount of bills he has now, let alone rent, food and everything else we'll need. I had saved up enough for us both to move out of state and start over but he changed his mind, and so instead I spent all the money I saved on bed room furniture so we'd atleast have a place to neatly store all our stuff while we continue to stay at his moms.

 

One of the guys I work with knows my situation and knows that I'd like to move out of state and he offered to come with me if I ulitimately decided to go with out my boyfriend and quite honestly I'm starting to consider it. I'm just scared because I know my bf and I have been together for a while, we have alot of stuff together, we have a dog together and it would ruin my relationship with his family. I also am scared of what would happen with him and how hurt he would be. We both love each other very much but sometimes I am just so over everything. His mom even wonders why I stay around and wouldn't blame me if I did leave, but when it comes down to it, he's still her son, and she'd still end up taking his side and i'm afraid things would get ugly with her. If I ever decided to come back after a break, or even if we broke up completely I'm afraid his family would hate me and always be talking bad about me (they love drama, and his mom is on the phone literally all day long talking drama with the family and friends). If we did take a break I'd be forced to move out on my own, which would be tough for me to afford on my own because I have no where else to go. So i'm not sure what to do either way.

 

Any advice would be good, once again like all my crazy long posts, I'm not sure what I'm wanting, just any advice on anything.

[wicked6018]

break up with him. it doesn't sound like you're that into him, and since he started failing when yall started dating, doesn't sound like you're good for him. yall are really young and just starting to live with somebody is a bad idea, i think. you seem like you're interested in another guy, so yeah, definitely do the right thing and break up with him.

[lonelyone09]

I know my post is mainly about the bad. But I honestly DO love him, he is very sweet, treats me like a princess and would give me the world if he could. I just feel like he is so immature, like a puppy dog. We've had talks about these things before but its like me and his mother will confront him, he'll be really sorry, sad and depressed for the next few days, says things will change but nothing ever really changes or they do for a little while and then its back to this.

 

He's and only child and has had NO responsibility all of his life. If he doesn't do something, his mother will do it for him. And he knows this. His mom will ask him to do one thing or another, she'll get tired of asking and just does it for him. Now that were getting into things that his mother cant do for him, its scary. I always think is this how its gunna be forever? Am I going to have to take the place of his mother and be the one to make sure he's always on track?

[Brutus977]

I hate to say it. I just broke up with my GF (she did the dumping). While we were dating it seemed my life outside of her became very stagnant. She was consuming the flow of power in my life. The world seemed smaller because my focus was pigeon holed mostly on her. Other areas of my life that I used to cherish were suffering. I started tot get out of shape. Work suffered. Friendships suffered. Since we broke up I'm getting into the best shape of my life and I got a big promotion at work. Friends are actually friends again. And I've had more attention from women than I ever have. Relationships are a give and take institution. And ultimately we only have so much energy to distribute. I still love her and miss don't get me wrong. But as soon as I started flowing with the process a new energy and a new drive emerged. This happened shortly after realizing I didn't NEED her to be whole and happy. Maybe we'll see eachother again. Maybe not. Either way feeling upwardly mobile and empowered again has been a huge blessing. My advice. Even though it doesn't FEEL so good just roll with it. The feeling will pass and a new paradigm will emerge if you let it. And if you don't let go, you WILL get dragged.