What to do

[ohioboy]

Long story short. My girlfriends ex used to be one of her bestfriends til she dated me. And i told her not to speak to him again. Their not friends on Fb. But i found his # in my gfs notes on her iphone. We used to fight abt her not talking to him alot. should i just leave it alone? i dont want drama with that subj anymore.

[Jetta]

Why are you dictating to her who her friends should be? Really unless they had some sort of sexual relationship in the past there's no reason to be jealous, insecure, etc.

[ohioboy]

Well they had sex. So i have no right to be mad or concerned that shes.hiding his # when they dated?

[KJ2008]

It's shady that she's hiding it

[Ariel85]

This is what happens when you try and control people and take away their freedom. They will resort to lying.

[catfeeder]

This is what happens when you try and control people and take away their freedom. They will resort to lying.

 

Yep. Nobody can tell you not to take such a hardline position, but if you want that position you'll need to be willing to walk away. In other words, you can't tell someone else who to be friends with. You can only say, "I know myself and I won't be happy in a relationship with you if you're still in contact with your ex. So I'm out of the picture, and if you ever decide that a relationship with me means more to you than the one with your ex, you can let me know. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up."

 

Trying to have it both ways with YOU making HER decision FOR her lands you exactly where you are. It's not workable.

[tresqua]

Well they had sex. So i have no right to be mad or concerned that shes.hiding his # when they dated?

 

You have a right to feel any way you want. That much said your controlling actions are going to backfire on you. At the very least she'll hide her actions from you, even worse she'll tell you to screw off, that she'll talk to whomever she likes and even worse still, she'll dump you, with good reason.

[ohioboy]

You have a right to feel any way you want. That much said your controlling actions are going to backfire on you. At the very least she'll hide her actions from you, even worse she'll tell you to screw off, that she'll talk to whomever she likes and even worse still, she'll dump you, with good reason.

 

But I don't want her talkign to him, since she thinks its okay to lie about it. How can I make it so she doesnt talk to him, but she doesnt hide anything? Because I can compromise on alot of things but not this. She promised she wouldnt talk to him and his # is hidden.

[tresqua]

But I don't want her talkign to him, since she thinks its okay to lie about it. How can I make it so she doesnt talk to him, but she doesnt hide anything

 

It's not about what YOU want.

 

It appears that you are unable to accept that she is a separate person from you with her own wants and needs, and they will sometimes conflict with your own, at which point you can ASK her not to do a certain thing, but if she refuses then you must let it go, or if it's a dealbreaker then end the relationship. You cannot expect her to stop doing something just because you aren't happy about it.