Hypersensitivity

[onthebound]

So I'm kinda talking to a guy. That alone is weird for me 'cause I'm usually into girls. I'm a bit concerned about what what will happen if we wind up sleeping together, 'cause sex is rarely an easy thing for me to approach.

 

I am hypersensitive, to the point where penetration is really uncomfortable and sometimes painful, unless I am EXTREMELY turned on. I'm hypersensitive clitorally too, so much so that most people can't really touch me without making me jump.

 

I always worry about how to explain these things, especially to men. I feel like women typically understand better, but men sometimes take it personally when they can't really do much for me. No one has ever been able to give me an orgasm except me (mutual masturbation tends to be my "goal" -- it's the only way I can orgasm), and while I certainly don't mind them trying, everybody thinks they're gonna be the hero. Mens' egos tend to be especially bruised when they find out that no one is immune to this issue.

 

So.. What do I do? Do I have a talk about it beforehand? Do I tell him while we're making out? Do I just move his hand and say "no" if he does something I don't like? Lol

 

Thanks to all who reply.

[mouseno4]

Personally, if i was in your position. I would stop things short when the idea is brought up, by physical closeness or via talking. You talk to this guy, but you are unaware if you will go 'all the way' with him until it happens. Just before it happens, you should let him know exactly fact for fact the truth.

 

Honestly, i have only skimmed this disorder myself so i dont know the details. But i can tell you this will most likely crush him. Possibly even turn him away, if he thinks that way. Being able to get a girl off is one of relationship's goals (among others) for guys. If a guy was suddenly and permanently unable to get it up (for whatever reason) meaning - sex would be impossible... as hard as it is to believe... it would crush a guys ego. Not bruise it, crush it.

[LoveHopePeace]

Hmmm i think you should ask the guy what kind of relationship he wants to have with you. Sex may not be his ultimate goal and he may have his own problems. How do you know that he isn't ''the hero''? I think you should definitely give it a shot but i'll agree with mouseno4 that you should tell him about your hypersensitivity so you won't catch him unawares and to find a way to have sex without hurting yourself hope you'll find that helpful

[onthebound]

Mouseno4, that's quite a bit disheartening. I really hope he's not like that. I really like this guy so far, and I REALLY want to have sex (or a version thereof, anyway) with him lol. Do you think it would still be *as* big an issue if I said I give amazing head? I've learned to be a giver by default, and I have been known to make a few boys scream. I'm just sayin.

[onthebound]

Meh, see LoveHopePeace, that's the kind of stuff that makes me nervous. Asking somebody what kind or relationship they want before you even have sex is offputting. I don't even know what *I* want, and I would imagine most men might be a bit freaked out by that question.

 

I almost feel like I'm being punished for a disorder I have no control over. I just wish there were a way to fix it so I don't have to be the weirdo who can't have sex like everybody else.

[mouseno4]

Like i said in PM OnTheBound, you really need to get him to really understand your illness and that just because it exists does not mean sex by any definition is off the table. If it comes to sex, and that you both really want it - let him know that you REALLY want it with him, but make him understand the boundaries and why they cant be crossed. Give him the facts about your condition and that the things he can do will be just as important to you as what he cant do.

 

It will be seriously damaging to his ego, being totally unable to bring his girl to orgasm, let alone able to penetrate you - but sex isnt just about intercourse. It can be any number of things. If I was in his position, i would want to proceed very slowly, with you in complete control. Use positions where you have complete control of penetration (if at all), make other forms of sex the highlight of intimacy, make him desire the things he CAN do for you.

 

But dont just give up penetration/clitoris stimulation altogether. I would suggest giving it a great length of time in which to slowly introduce the man to your body. Allow your body to ''get to know'' him one tiny step at a time. I am unaware if this condition can ever be overcome - But if you want it bad enough, perhaps it is possible.

[onthebound]

The condition (the internal one, at least) is known as vaginismus. It is possible to overcome, but given that I have mostly been with women in recent years (and short term), it's not really something I've had as big a problem with. I have considered seeking a sex therapist to work on resolving it though. I've always felt there was something missing from my sex life, and it's something I would really like to overcome. From what I understand it is both psychological and physiological, and is caused by an inability to relax and uncontrolable muscle contractions. Tense muscles = pain during penetration. As for the clitoral sensitivity, I don't know if that will ever change.

 

Thank you for all your great advice, mouseno4. It's nice to get a guy's opinion on this. I will definitely take all of it into consideration.

[mouseno4]

link removed

 

Ahh i understand now. Thanks for that.

[onthebound]

So.. I did it. We actually had sex last night. It just sortof happened before I even had time to think much about it. The only bad part about it really was that I bled on his bed. I'm not sure if it was because it's been so long for me or if I started my period (it's naturally a bit unpredictable). I'm a little embarrassed about that, but otherwise it really wasn't bad at all. It hurt a couple times, but when I asked him to slow down, he did, and that helped.

 

Oddly enough, I don't even feel emotionally attached. That's completely unusual for me, but I'm kinda glad. I really stepped outside myself last night, and thanks to you guys' advice, I enjoyed it.

[mouseno4]

I am glad you are happy OnTheBound. Good luck in your sexual adventures. Remember, those who will not respect the rules and boundaries you set up to protect yourself - are not worth being with.