guest281 Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 my ex thinks im seeing someone and now she is texting me stupid stuff. its been 3 months since she left me for another guy. now she says she has stuff off mine, if i want it. if i go see her how do i approach this? i do want my stuff back and think im strong enough now to face her, however i dont think she is. her messages are all so petty, any excuse to contact me, and it seems she misses me like mad in them. begging for my friendship etc when i said we wont ever be friends. help me, if i go see her..keep it short and sweet? Link to comment
DaveCummings Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 I think you've answered this one yourself, but since you feel where you two are, that if you want your things back, it shouldn't matter. If you're mad at her it'll show, if you lie who are you proving and if you're over compensating, what for? again seems to me just be short and sweet with her. Link to comment
guest281 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 i dont think im mad at her, she asked me have i moved on, i said i think we both have, she said who u seeing.. she jumped to the assumption. i wasnt going to settle her mind and say no one, as shes an extremely jealous person and i know it hurts her that im 'seeing' someone. truth is..im not ready. lol. but yeah ill keep it short and sweet with no talk of the past or current relationships? Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Cut all contact with her and say, "I would prefer to keep my dating status private since you and I are broken up now. If you would like to reconcile with me, you are welcome to be clear about it, otherwise leave me alone so that I can heal. Thanks." SHE is the one that made you single. Whether you are single or whoever you are dating is NONE of her business. Delete her from facebook if you haven't already, and then change the settings so that people that are not your friends can only see ONE profile picture and your names. Link to comment
DaveCummings Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Well I look at things this way, who are you appeasing to? If you are wondering how admitting "no one" looks, then that shows that what she thinks matters and that shows through. Again, unless this is heading somewhere it should not matter. I don't believe in boasting in oneself for how it makes one look, if that makes sense. Bringing up the past is tricky. That depends on the factors dealing with pre and post break-up circumstances Link to comment
guest281 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 hi DL yip your right, she deleted me from facebook when we broke up, and my settings are on private, only thing she can see is my photo and names. i know shes raging that she thinks i have moved on, but trust me 3 months ago i went through all this, and i guess shes going through it now. she says im amazing and that when we see each other we dont talk it kills her because what we used to have. like seriously?? whats with that.. but if shes asks about my private life i will be saying its inappriopriate to be talking about that. jeezzzzz.... shes just trying to hold me back Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 She IS holding you back because you are allowing her to. I think you've gotta be straight with her. If she thinks you're so amazing then she will jump at your suggestion of you two being back together. If she doesn't take up your offer, then ask her to respect your space and you need to start enforcing boundaries. Link to comment
guest281 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 basically she left me for anthor guy who has kids and wants more, she couldnt wait for me to give her kids... (and didnt believe i wanted them) so she opted out for him, and his ready made family Link to comment
guest281 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 i wont be asking her back, as i think this is all an ego boost for her, to see if i still have feelings for her. i dont want to seem weak to her. anyway shes still with her new guy and living with him and all, so i doubt she is going to leave him for me Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 So why are you still allowing her to talk to you? She left you for another guy, so unless you have low self esteem and are waiting for her to come back, why are you still in touch? Link to comment
DaveCummings Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Ok now I'm lost. Are you saying you want what he already has(Kids/a family), that she left you for thinking it's not what you wanted because he already has it? Link to comment
guest281 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 i think if she came back to me i would take her back :S i know its wrong, but i do miss her. i know i can live without her now which is the main thing. i had stopped all contact for a month but she kept texting and then her last one was one i had to respond too. i will never admit i still love her while shes with him. but if she wasnt i would.. arghh.. love sucks! Link to comment
DaveCummings Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 and I'm still lost on where what she thinks of you matters, unless you want to look better or want her back... Link to comment
guest281 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 Ok now I'm lost. Are you saying you want what he already has(Kids/a family), that she left you for thinking it's not what you wanted because he already has it? i dont want to start a family yet. im not secure yet (money) and im only 28. yes she said she left me for him because that reason, and that she knew i wouldnt give her it. we had talked about it before and she wants nothing more but kids now.. but she could have waited. she is actually obsessed! Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 i think if she came back to me i would take her back :S i know its wrong, but i do miss her. i know i can live without her now which is the main thing. i had stopped all contact for a month but she kept texting and then her last one was one i had to respond too. i will never admit i still love her while shes with him. but if she wasnt i would.. arghh.. love sucks! But you ARE admitting that you love her. Your actions of being available to her is not only telling her that you love her, but that she also has you wrapped around her little finger. It also shows that you have low self esteem. Read this carefully.... SHE LEFT YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Stop scrambling around the floor for those breadcrumbs that she's throwing you. Who is it that she sleeps with at night? Not you. So you need to man up and go NC. Link to comment
guest281 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 and I'm still lost on where what she thinks of you matters, unless you want to look better or want her back... i feel if we got back it would be better, as im a stronger person and all now. but theres no hope of getting back as she has her 'wee family made' for the meantime! i am looking better since the break up, lost weight, having attention from women (loads).. never thought i would see that. haha. Link to comment
guest281 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 DL - yeah i do need to man up, i think nc is the best way to go as since we had a chat the other day it has set me back, i was doing so good there until i responded to her. get my stuff back, give her, her stuff and that will be the end of that! Link to comment
DaveCummings Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 hmm I think something is amiss here. Why such a strong desire to have kids so soon unless this desire of hers surpassed her desire/faith in waiting. Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 DL - yeah i do need to man up, i think nc is the best way to go as since we had a chat the other day it has set me back, i was doing so good there until i responded to her. get my stuff back, give her, her stuff and that will be the end of that! Your self esteem will come back if you do that. Promise yourself that you will never settle for anything less than a relationship after someone has left you. Especially if they have left for someone else. She is with someone else, so she doesn't get to talk to you. End of story. Those types of dumpers are the most selfish (in time you will see that too, once your love goggles come off). Link to comment
Mellie Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Guest, I take my hat off too you. You may not by 100% there, but you certainly do seem to have your * * * * pretty well together. I'd tell her to leave the stuff at a neutral venue if possible. If not, if you have to collect it, I wouldn't get into any kind of conversation with her. Just pick it up and go. Then you're done. Best foot forward and all that. Leave her to all her drama - who needs it? Link to comment
guest281 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 hmm I think something is amiss here. Why such a strong desire to have kids so soon unless this desire of hers surpassed her desire/faith in waiting. i dont know why, maybe other friends having kids.. i really dont know., but its not as if she has the money to bring up kids either! Link to comment
guest281 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 Your self esteem will come back if you do that. Promise yourself that you will never settle for anything less than a relationship after someone has left you. Especially if they have left for someone else. She is with someone else, so she doesn't get to talk to you. End of story. Those types of dumpers are the most selfish (in time you will see that too, once your love goggles come off). yeah, i will continue to ignore her. she broke up with me she lost that right, she cant have the best of both worlds... i know shes being selfish, keeping me in the loop but hurting me as we go on, if i meet her to get my stuff back i will tell her nc is the way to go, as i want to talk face to face as sms is no good! Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Ok, but keep it brief. A simple, "hey, it's probably best if we are not in touch anymore so that we can both move on. Thanks." You do not need to explain yourself. And just because you ASK your ex to respect your need for space, it doesn't mean that they will do so. A lot of the time the WILL test you to see whether you are serious about this "no contact thing". They want to see whether they have control over you. So the real test comes when they contact you, as in, let your silence do the talking. Link to comment
guest281 Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 Guest, I take my hat off too you. You may not by 100% there, but you certainly do seem to have your * * * * pretty well together. I'd tell her to leave the stuff at a neutral venue if possible. If not, if you have to collect it, I wouldn't get into any kind of conversation with her. Just pick it up and go. Then you're done. Best foot forward and all that. Leave her to all her drama - who needs it? thanks mellie, means a lot to hear that. i have held it all together tbh.. even when i found out she was with him i never said nothing to her, i just disappeared. no matter what i would have said it wouldnt change matters, im mature enough to realise argueing solves nothing and i bowed out with my head held high. how many others would be able to say they were left for someone else and just disappeared without telling her what you thought of her! i want her to hear a few home truths face to face, not nasty ones, just that she doesnt deserve my friendship etc and she as brought this on herself when she broke up with me.. Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Don't tell her any home truths. Walk away with your dignity and let your silence be the strongest statement that you can make. Ignoring her will make such a bigger impact than if you try to tell her what to do or why she is wrong. It will fall on deaf ears anyway. Link to comment
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