I was dumbed. Now I'm getting mixed signals from my ex-boyfriend.

[ladybirdie]

My boyfriend of two yrs dumbed me. I begged him to not leave me and tried to convince him how much I love him and that I could change. In my mind, there was no reason to break up. No third parties, no cheating or lying, no major issues. He was the one for me. He said he needed space and that our relationship was getting too complicated. It was not just fun and games anymore. Me wanting to discuss our relationship and picking up any problems we had and forcing him to adjust to my needs had killed his love for me.

 

It's been four weeks since the day we broke up. I am hoping there still is a chance that we could get back together. We are still friends. Although I have let him be alone, we have talked on the phone, seeing each other a couple of times and had sleepovers. I have not tried to discuss our relationship and I know this could be just sex. It is passionate, but tender. Lots of kissing and hugging. Spooning. There is a very strong sexual attraction between the two of us. But we can have fun just talking too, we just mesh. Why couldn't we be together, when it feels so good? I know he is looking for a new girlfriend (found his dating profile this week). The signals I'm getting from him make me confused. Is there any chance that this "thing" we have could bring us back together? Or am I just pathetic?

[mouseno4]

I personally believe he thinks its over, so he is getting whatever he can get out of you. This means sex obviously.

 

And you are providing him in that department.

 

I honestly doubt this will bring you back together. Pretty sure you need to face the fact that it is over.

[Mellie]

Why do you feel you need to change if, in your mind, there was no reason for the break up?

 

I think you're making it awfully cosy for him. What's to be gained by sleeping with him? You're just allowing himself to wean himself off you. You know he has a dating profile, yet you're prepared to keep this up? So what are you going to do when he adds a new girlfriend to the equation? He won't respect you for this, because it's hard to respect someone who doesn't respect themself. You shouldn't be confused by the signals. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it. And it sounds like to all intents and purposes, you're giving it to him.

 

I'd drop off the radar. Let him wonder what you're doing, instead of vice versa. And I'd definitely start doing new stuff instead of pinning my hopes on him coming back. Find yourself new hobbies and interests to keep you busy. Don't be a doormat.

[dramallama]

Being in a relationship is option. Your ex knows himself 1000x better than you know him, as much as you'd like to think otherwise. So no-one ever ever ever needs an excuse for leaving. If they feel that they want to be single - good enough excuse. If they have fallen out of love with you - good enough excuse. You really aren't in a place to tell your partner/ex whether or not there was a reason to break up because that means that you don't respect their decision-making skills. By begging and pleading you are further showing that you don't trust his decision making skills.

 

Secondly, you are not "friends" with him. A friend can be happy for another friend if they found love again. Are you saying that you could be truly happy for him if he found someone else that he DID want to be in a relationship with? If you couldn't genuinely be happy for him, then you are not being a true friend, either to him or yourself. Friends don't wait around pretending to be friends to convince the other person to be in relationship with them. Also, he is not being a true friend to you. He doesn't care about you, otherwise he wouldn't be using you for sex. Rarely, if ever, does having sex with an ex make them want to come back. It just shows them how much low self esteem you have that you will be willing to give away sex without them even being in a relationship with you. Don't you find it insulting - that you are not good enough for a relationship, but you're good enough for a roll in the hay?

 

And it also begs the question, if you two have such a good connection, why aren't you two in a relationship. Taking everything away - sex, contact, facebook, disappearing from the earth, will be the ONLY thing that will bring him back, if it is to ever happen. On the plus side, your self esteem will also improve because you won't be settling for breadcrumbs.

[ladybirdie]

My ex-boyfriend admitted that the break-up was a mistake and told he wants to get back together! Just wanted to let you know that sometimes you should trust your instincts. I felt that what we shared was more than just physical attraction. I took your advice though, and gave him the space he needed to make the decision on his own. I am so happy and we are so in love!