Why do shy people act as if they hate you

[Reflective]

Im not shy, I am introverted but I can definitely socialize. I like this guy who I work with. He's quiet and from what I have seen he is clearly shy.

 

I'm really confused right now. I feel like giving up. Why? Because it's like hot and cold with him. *

One moment it seems like he is flirting? I don't even know! Most guys i date make their flirting obvious but with him I can't tell. Whenever I need help with someone he is ready and willing, sometimes he will pretend to stall, example, "hey my monitor isn't working I need help. Tried everything." he says, "you broke it. What did you do?!" and smiles and looks into my eyes. And than helps me fix my problem, and makes idle chat. Not too heavy. Or that one time he went out of his way to help me find my jewelry, or the one time he wasn't invited to our conversation and he just stops right in doesn't say much but watches me.

 

And than he gets cold. Acts like I don't exist. Will not look at me. When he sees me he will avoid me, and than he acts hot again. I just don't get it. Today he just acted like I did not exist. Of course it frustrated me cause the day before I could have sworn he was flirting. Don't get it at all. Please help

[DoGGYtREAts]

It happens. I was a very very shy person during my teen years. He just gets nervous and "choked up" its like a weird counter-productive defense mechanism. Rather then risk embarassment or making a "mistake" we completely go evasive!

[ApocalypseDreams]

Not sure why they do but it generally relates to the fact that they like you.

[Lonewing]

The best way to nail jello to the wall is to freeze it - so freeze this stupid game you're playing and ask him point blank if he finds you attractive and perhaps go as far as to ask if you're attractive enough to ask out and then to follow it up with "well, I'm waiting..."

 

The only issue I can see is, it is the work place. Depending on how it goes, it could be bad or good.

[Sim54]

Why are you not responding to his obvious flirting?

I bet he walks away and thinks, why bother? i flirt with this girl, and she doesn't do anything, maybe she's shy. Why is she acting like she hates me?

I may as well ignore her, that might work.

 

He probably feels rejected by you not following on from his advances, so pulls back.

 

That's my take anyway.

 

I know if I flirt with a girl and she doesn't respond, then i stop. It's not rocket science.

[putter65]

That's all probably true !

[Lonewing]

ooooo, I got one!! Now this is a little less confrontational than those previous thoughts...

 

If you and him have lunch at a similar time, ask him if you can join him for lunch / eat together / crash his lunch time. Unless he's busy, of course - but otherwise, I could see this going in a good direction.

[twentiesgirl86]

Do you sometimes act cold back to him? I am shy, and I have this situation with my co-worker, except I think he thinks I am the cold one. A lot of people think I am cold, but I get like that from their body language and expression. One day we will be flirting with each other, and then the next day he seems like he wants nothing to do with me. Whenever he flirts with me, I respond and then I feel really comfortable around him... and he isn't the only one for this example. I can be like this with anyone. Once they show they are friendly with me, I will respond back just as friendly. Anyway, we will have a good hour or good day (we work on a line, so sometimes our rotation around the line ends up making us working next to each other, we switch every hour) and I will feel happy and comfortable around him. I don't feel shy, but then suddenly he seems to change which makes me think he wants nothing to do with me, just from his body language and expression in voice and face and so I will avoid him. Then he seems to get offended later that I am not talking to him.

 

So I know I do the hot/cold thing with people do, but I do it by their body language. People don't really realize how much a person can read from their body language. You can give off a vibe that says "don't approach me" or "I'm in a good mood, come talk to me" and I can usually tell. Most often I am right. I grew up quiet and shy, and I was very observant of people. I learned by the age of 12 how to read people's body language, and face expressions. It's very rare that I am wrong. Except with this guy I like. I've found I've been wrong with his body language, but then I wonder if it's because I like him. I always end up reading too much into the negative vibes coming off him and get offended. Then I end up offending him.

 

So it could be a similar situation with you. Being shy isn't easy, and the last thing we want to do is bother people who might actually talk to us. So if I think I am bothering someone, I leave them alone since I don't have many friends.

[carra]

I guess it's the same reason why not interested women act on men as if they hate them. And yes, it can be unnerving after a while