Yaz Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Dear men - you know who you are, You are receiving this email so I can tell you in no uncertain terms that you are a pig. The only recipient of this email who may be granted slight reprieve is Peter*, because he had to leave for Afghanistan. Peter, I thought you and I could have a successful relationship if you stayed, but then, I thought that about every man receiving this email. You may all be puzzled (wasn't it friends with benefits??), but I'm going to clear it all up for you - after all, you're stupid pigs and need every bit of help you can get. I thought that I could have a successful relationship with each of you. You gave me signals indicating this was so: compliments, physical relations, good conversation, spending time with mutual friends, embarking on adventure etc. All the while telling me you don't want a relationship and justifying it with one of these lies: I'm just looking for fun, I'm not ready to settle, I'm messed up, you can do better, I have a lot to deal with, I've no time for a girlfriend, I'm happy being single. I'm sure you intend to tell me those were truths. In which case, you should not have been in a relationship with me. Because you know what? We WERE in a relationship. What I described above - with all the hanging out and sex? That's a relationship. You cannot deny we were in a relationship any more than you can deny the sky is blue. Those excuses weren't the only lies you told me though - you told me I was intelligent, beautiful, talented, capable and a whole lot of other rubbish (some of which I found funny enough to write in my journal). If those things were true, you would have been happy to be in a relationship with me. And do not tell me those things ARE true - it's just that I'm not the 'right person' for you. There is no 'right person' - otherwise you'd have me believe John Merrick's perfect partner was waiting for him somewhere, he just wasn't fortunate enough to meet her before he suffocated on his own skull. In the time we spent together, you lead me to believe that you genuinely liked and valued me, that there was a possibility we could be together after a little bit of time playing "getting to know you". When I figured this was all BS, that you were lying through your teeth to get me into bed, and ended the relationship - you made a pathetic request of friendship. Because you 'like and value me and my friendship'. Yet another lie. If you liked and valued my friendship, you would not have threatened it's demise with that kind of intimacy - unless you thought it result in a rewarding partnership. In this case you didn't think it'd result in anything - except maybe me having a bit of a cry when you found someone better. You engaged in a relationship with me, and reminded me as often as possible how very short I fell of the mark for a perfect woman. You told me it was my fault for being hurt over your callous comments and poor treatment of me - that you were honest. The only honesty I witnessed was in your behaviour - selfish, pushy, arrogant and egotistical. You screwed me in every sense of the word, you knew it, and to ease your guilt, you said 'sorryyyyyy' and went on your merry way. To the next poor girl not good enough for you. You certainly are sorry. You're sorry excuses for men. Too cowardly to own your actions, and too weak-willed to treat other human beings with basic respect and dignity, because you 'need' sex. You don't need a relationship, or even friends with benefits to have sex. What you are looking for is a PROSTITUTE. I do believe you have to pay for those though, whereas I received nothing of benefit for my experiences with any of you. Yaz *names changed Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Um.... okaaay. I'm assuming this is a vent? Or should this be in the Journal forum? Link to comment
Yaz Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 We should have a venting forum. I am hopeless at web navigation! Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Anyone misleading anyone, relationship-wise, is definitely wrong. Unfortunately, many people are afraid to venture too far away from tradition, which results in situations like the one you're dealing with--guys that just want sex but either pretend otherwise or can't admit it to themselves. This is why I'm always up-front with women. Link to comment
Yaz Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 Anyone misleading anyone, relationship-wise, is definitely wrong. Unfortunately, many people are afraid to venture too far away from tradition, which results in situations like the one you're dealing with--guys that just want sex but either pretend otherwise or can't admit it to themselves. This is why I'm always up-front with women. I just reckon that if those men just wanted sex - then don't hang out with me, introduce me to your friends and say nice things to me. Just be in it for the sex, not all the benefits like having your ego stroked and dinner made for you. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 I don't understand? These men told you upfront they didn't want a relationship. If one chooses not to listen, then that's their own fault. Link to comment
Pinnacle Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Dear Yaz, Don't take this the wrong way, but if you are so jilted by men then why do you continue to indulge in the mating dance we call dating? Why not watch TV about men bashing, read magazines about men bashing, and then write some more online blogs about men bashing and then marry a man because you may (or not, I don't know) want children and then take his ass to divorce court for gobs of money just to tell the world you know how to bash a man. You can get your revenge. You can stop dressing up, stop wearing make up, stop staying in shape, stop the lies, stop the fake connections, and in general just stop caring. You are not the victim to these men, to society. It takes two to tango. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 I don't understand? These men told you upfront they didn't want a relationship. That's what I thought too. It seemed they were being honest in what they wanted, so I don't understand where the "lies" come into it Link to comment
agatha Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 1st law of fwb - don't get into one if you are emotionally available, was raised on an extremely conservative family or consider the possibility of getting married within the next 5 years. though I can relate to your pain (more on the sense of - 'why did you say you wanted to marry me when all you wanted was sex'), I tend to agree with others - if they say they're not after the real thing, then they're not. going out, engaging in long convos, being supportive and sharing interests are things friends do. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 I crave a more intelligent audience. I could certainly say that about the post! If you had listened to what they were saying, then you wouldn't be in this position. You're not a victim but, an active participant. Put your listening ears on, next time! Link to comment
asthesparrow Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Can say I've been the better half of many "casual" relationships now... And while I've often been upset at men who've ditched me, I can't say I've ever had the nerve to flat-out blame them for it. It was always established very early on that one was not looking for an actual relationship... and any hints given otherwise are not true, no matter how romantic that date was, or how much his friends "love" me. Maybe, lighten up? Link to comment
Coverage Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 This reminded me of an earlier post you made that I think fits in with the problems your having now. I'm not attracted to men who want to give me respect and love - I am attracted to a man who finds me 'friggen hot', wants to bed me and can't keep his hands off me (as well as the obvious conversation etc.). Because that behaviour means he is genuinely, primally attracted to me. I don't want someone to justify their attraction to me with words and respect. All that other stuff comes later - all the soppiness and love and stuff. It seems odd that you claim not to be attracted to men who give you respect or love, but yet now you write this topic venting about how the guys you've been with didn't love or respect you. You claim sex is very important to a relationship with you and that it signals that a guy is genuinely attracted to you, but then in this topic you vent over how guys just bed you for pleasure and then kick you to the curb. I'm not saying its your fault that these guys are jerks to you, but do you think there could be some inconsistencies in what you think your attracted to in a guy and what you actually desire in a relationship? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 This reminded me of an earlier post you made that I think fits in with the problems your having now. It seems odd that you claim not to be attracted to men who give you respect or love, but yet now you write this topic venting about how the guys you've been with didn't love or respect you. You claim sex is very important to a relationship with you and that it signals that a guy is genuinely attracted to you, but then in this topic you vent over how guys just bed you for pleasure and then kick you to the curb. I'm not saying its your fault that these guys are jerks to you, but do you think there could be some inconsistencies in what you think your attracted to in a guy and what you actually desire in a relationship? Yaz, It doesn't seem like you're showing yourself much value, love or respect: sounds like a lot of self-hatred. Have you thought about addressing these issues? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 It all seems rather contradictory - you say you don't like men to give you love and respect, and then when they don't, you throw a hissy fit (as in this thread). Then you talk about the sex and it's the same thing. I agree with Hollyj - you seem to have really low self-esteem and anger issues. Have you ever considered professional counselling. I think you would benefit from it. Link to comment
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