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Asking friends to hang out


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Hi all, I would like some insight please. You have this friend that you want to hang out with. So you ask them out, but they give you an excuse (most of which is fairly valid) about not being able to go. How many times would you allow this before you stop asking all together? Like how many times would you let them say "I can't make it because....." until you've had enough of it?

 

Also, when a friend does suggest going out and for whatever reason you can't make it, do most of you suggest an alternate date and time to meet or do you just leave it at "I can't go" and that's the end of the discussion? Most of my friends do the former where we try to figure out a good day for us to meet, but I do have this one friend where it's so difficult to schedule anything with her. I'm at a point now where I don't even want to ask anymore because it makes me feel bad and rejected. It's a horrible feeling.

 

Any feedback regarding this would be very much appreciated!! Thanks.

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OK, I guess I'm not blowing this out of proportion or being a drama queen afterall. It sucks because she's a good friend of mine and I enjoy her company. But I'm getting sick of feeling this way. I used to be more distant with people in general but now I've grown up and have gotten closer to my friends. But I noticed with certain people it's good to not care so much or invest too much of yourself because it hurts more when they don't treat you well. Maybe I should just be an ass to them, and perhaps they'll get it.

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I would ask ask the person, "Would you prefer that I don't invite you to functions in the future?".....chi

I agree with this. The other person might be too weak to address the situation but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to address it. Ask the person directly whether they want you to continue inviting them. If this makes her uncomfortable, good! She deserves it for avoiding the issue like that.

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Also, when a friend does suggest going out and for whatever reason you can't make it, do most of you suggest an alternate date and time to meet or do you just leave it at "I can't go" and that's the end of the discussion?

Neither. In this case, I would say "I can't go on that day, but I would love to go out with you guys if you meet up some other time". Then I'd let my friend ask me what day would be good, if there is still flexibility.

 

Actively suggesting a different date yourself can be too pushy. Think of this this way: Have you ever invited 5 friends to something on a particular date, and then you ask a 6th person and they go "I 'm not available; can we make it on Saturday instead of Sunday?" Your reaction would probably be: When you arrange something, you can pick whatever date is best for you, or else, you're welcome to call everyone else and change the date with them and if they say OK, then I'll be okay making it Saturday.

 

So I would not suggest an alternate date and time until my friend says "Oh, what date and time would be better for you?" Just show lots of enthusiasm so that your friend knows they should continue to invite you to things!!!

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