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Time to be assertive with her?


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Been a while since I've posted here. Still talking to the ex, and everything was going fine for the longest time. I still feel like she wasn't being entirely honest when she said her feelings for me were platonic about 6 or so months ago. But I made her a promise back then that I wouldn't go back into relationship talks or anything of the like unless she brought it up or unless it was the right time.


First of all, we only talk online since she lives half way accross the country at the moment, usually on AIM. I stuck to my NC plan for a solid 4 months until Christmas hit, and we started talking again after I approached her nonchalantly. I've kept the nonchalant attitude going pretty well since then. The only time I cracked was about 2 or so weeks after talking again, and I randomly burst out with "Do you think we could ever be together again in the future?" to which she replied that she cant see us being more than friends because shes afraid of opening old wounds. She also told me she has no interest in dating anybody for a while, which is something I could accept. The thing is, she's always the one that approaches me. Perhaps I'm looking to far into it, but 9/10 times shes the one that reaches out to me and starts all of our conversations. As of late shes been sending me pictures and telling me to look at her new FB profile pics(we defriended each other a while back because FB was one of the sources of our BU at the time). Another odd thing I've noticed is that she will be extremely talkative for a week or so, and then nearly fall of the face of the earth for a week or so and then she comes back at me with full force, being as talkative as ever. It's sending me mixed signals.


Well, this weekend is going to be a rough one for me. One year ago today was the last time we were physically together, and a lot of strong emotions were involved. What really kicked it off for me was when she linked me all of her tumblr profiles and gave me access to all of her pictures. For those who don't know it's a photoblog of sorts. Well I started looking, and starting from the moment we began talking again, every now and then she posted things ranging from heart break to being in love, to how someone still has her heart, and poems about how two people both want the same thing, but neither of them want to begin it.


Seeing all of this started an emotional break down of some sort for me. I got extremely depressed, started wondering if it's me that shes talking about, or someone else. I got really close to flat out asking her if she was in love with someone else, which I think would have turned out to be disastrous if I approached it the way I nearly did. Since then i've been putting depressing little messages in my AFK/Status box on AIM in order to get her attention(Stupid move, I know)without actually saying anything to her upfront because I'm afraid...Ever since I started posting those she's been acting weird. Still sending me messages now and then, but then she just randomly signs off, or goes away. Last time she said she would be right back in a minute and then 7 hours later I joked around about how her minute turned into 7 hours and she said a friend stopped by. And of course, my paranoid self kicked back in and took it as her saying "boyfriend". Since then I've been in absolute agony. I don't really know where to go from here. I feel like were playing some sort of game to see who cracks first, and then at other times I feel like i'm just driving myself crazy and seeing things that aren't really there. I think the only way for me to fix this situation is to be assertive, and to just get all of our emotions out in the open to see whats up. I'm just afraid. Afraid that I might lose her again if I do this.

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I got really close to flat out asking her if she was in love with someone else


Yeah, don't do that.


Since then i've been putting depressing little messages in my AFK/Status box on AIM in order to get her attention


And don't do that either.


I'd be a state. Those kind of little games really do my head in.


Do you think you're a bit too available? How long are you communicating for at a time? Minutes or hours? I wouldn't have called her on the signing off thing. It's obvious then you're counting and makes it look like you have nothing better to do. After this amount of time, you should HAVE other things to do - build up new focuses to engage you instead of spending so much time dwelling on this. I'd keep it short, sweet and interesting. Maybe your being assertive should be removing yourself from the situation when it gets down to silly games rather than trying to force an answer out of her?


About the losing her bit, you don't actually have her now. I saw a good analogy on another site. Someone said, that staying friends with an ex is like your dog dying and your mum telling you that it's ok, you can still keep it. You might want to keep the line of communication open but you don't have to be a lapdog chasing crumbs.

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