OptomisticGirl Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 You have a point LOL. I didn't think about that. I honestly would rather a person just not buy anything if they all they can afford is a toy from the dollar store... I'll be honest, that's kind of high and mighty. I don't mean that as flamming or anything but when someone gives you a gift it's usually what they can afford. All I could give my nephew for his first birthday tomorrow was this $20 bath tub octopus thingie - I would have been extremely hurt if my sister told me my $20 gift wasn't good enough for her son because it's not HER gift, it's a gift for him. Now of course if it's something a newborn may choke on her something by all means, donate it. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 I don't think I would EVER tell my husband that he has to tell his family to buy the babies gifts and send them to me. Lordy, I think that is really in very bad taste (imo). When and if his family ever manage to get to your part of the world, it is up to THEM if they bring gifts or not. You should never demand or expect people to do this - it is really beyong tacky and in very poor taste (imo). I wasn't going to tell him that. I was just going to ask if they were buying the babies something. Just so he could ask them and get them thinking about it. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 I wasn't going to tell him that. I was just going to ask if they were buying the babies something. Just so he could ask them and get them thinking about it. That's still fishing for gifts though. It's the same as fishing for compliments - it's just something you don't do in good taste. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 I'll be honest, that's kind of high and mighty. I don't mean that as flamming or anything but when someone gives you a gift it's usually what they can afford. All I could give my nephew for his first birthday tomorrow was this $20 bath tub octopus thingie - I would have been extremely hurt if my sister told me my $20 gift wasn't good enough for her son because it's not HER gift, it's a gift for him. Now of course if it's something a newborn may choke on her something by all means, donate it. I don't mean it like that. But rather that if a person is so broke to which they can only afford a dollar toy, then I just don't think that it should be a priority for them to buy me anything. For instance last year I was very broke around Christmas time and I was not able to get my three Godkids gifts, rather than go to the dollar store and buy them balls and stuff, I was just honest with my friend and told her straight out "I'm really broke this month--because of rent and whatnot so I won't be able to get them something BY christmas day, but I'll have gifts for them within the next two weeks". It was no big deal to her. Or my grandma told me over the phone last week, that she would get me something "small" for the babyshower since money is tight, but that in September she is planning on buying something big... I guess I just wouldn't want someone buying something if they are broke--they can just get something later. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 But they may not even still be able to get something later. It's not about what they give it's about that they give it to you, you know? A member on here got married in April and she had a friend who was scraping pennies together to give to her as a wedding present when others - who could afford it - didn't give them anything. Those pennies meant more to her than any other gift because it came from the heart. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 But they may not even still be able to get something later. It's not about what they give it's about that they give it to you, you know? A member on here got married in April and she had a friend who was scraping pennies together to give to her as a wedding present when others - who could afford it - didn't give them anything. Those pennies meant more to her than any other gift because it came from the heart. This is true, but I guess I would rather a person not waste their money on a toy to which I would never use anyway if they just can't afford to. I already had one friend tell me that since she is unemployed she can't get the babies anything. I wasn't upset because she was honest and I felt it would be wrong for me to ask her to get gifts just for the sake of it--even if they are one's I'll never use. For me the babyshower is not just about the gifts, but also about getting the gifts/things that I specified that I would like to have. I was sure to even include gifts under $20.00 on the registry at Walmart just so anyone who could not afford certain gifts could still get me something that I at least wanted(matter of fact I believe I asked for a $5.00 pacifiers). But going to get a hazardous toy from the dollar store just to say they brought a gift just isn't necessary me, and makes it seem like they just bought something just to say they got me something for the baby shower. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 I created two registries for that reason. The one at Walmart--all the "gifts" I asked for were under $100, and ranged from something as cheap as $5.00 to something as expensive as $100. On Babies r us I think the highest priced item I asked for was a $160.00. I tried to make sure that I included items of all price brackets as to not make anyone feel obligated to spend a lot of money if they didn't have it. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 To be fiar though, someone can spend $50 on something just as easily that you don't like. I know it happened at one shower I went to. It was some bottle warmer or something, price tag of $70 was still on it and the mom donated it. I doubt you will get 1/2 of what you registered for to be honest. I didn't buy off my best friend's registry. There has never been a shower I went to were the mom got everything she listed on her registry - or even half way. Dollar Store toys aren't hazardous though - my nephew has them. As long as they are age approriate and size approriate (lets get a polly pocket for a 2 month old!) they are just as good as the $20 version. Link to comment
petite Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 It's coming accross as you being very greedy (I'm sure that's not your intention). Guests aren't obligated to bring gifts to baby or bridal showers, and I think it would be a lot more fun if the whole gift giving were eliminated. That's one thing about such parties I dislike; people tend to just do it for the gifts and that's tacky. If one decides to marry or have a child, the finances should be their responsibility and certainly should not expect to receive gifts from in-laws, friends etc. You have no place asking the boyfriends parents for a diaper party or to contribute in any way. If they wish to do so - they probably will, and if they don't - that is their right. Most people that are close to you will send or bring gift after the child is born (I that has been the experience of my friends). Link to comment
BellaStranger Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I actually didn't want a shower when I was pregnant because I felt embarrassed that it looked like I was just asking for a lot of stuff!! My friend insisted on throwing one, so I insisted she put on the invites that it was just a celebration for the baby, no gifts required. Everyone got me something, all small things but I felt blessed to have such warm loving friends and such a lovely party- it was about 10 of my closest friends n family and we had a brilliant time!! One friend made me up a handmade box with loads of helpful bits n bobs in it, some were second hand, some new, some leaflets and advice sheets...I know she couldn't afford much and it was a lovely thought cos it was everything she learnt as a mum! Link to comment
bulletproof Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 I agree with this. OP, the whole tone of this thread has been very greedy. And mentioning that your bf's family is trashy and used food stamps to buy items for their showers is just mean. Personally, I don't get the whole shower thing in 2011. The original intention of throwing a wedding/baby shower, years ago, was to give a young couple a good start. This was during a time when people got married much younger, and were leaving straight from their parents' home to start their own household. People get married and have children much later on average now, and should be able to support their relationship/household/child if they've been living on their own for any amount of time. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 Thank you for the advice. Had the babyshower this Sunday and it went really well. About 33 people showed up. And I got a ton of stuff. Which was awesome. Unfortunately, I barely got anything off of my registry. My sisters bought me an awesome Coach Diaper Bag--which I'm excited about. I'm sort of done now with trying to get my bf to get people to get us stuff. I'm just going to buy the rest of the stuff I need myself. And whatever his parents are willing to get, they can get. In terms of my comments about food stamps. I was not being mean. Both of these girls are lying to the state to get the food stamps. They pretend like they are single moms, NOT married. When they are married. And one of them--her husband makes almost $50,000 a year. Having foodstamps when you make above the median wage, is trashy and wrong. That is why I made that comment about using food stamps for a baby shower. It was just another way that they were sort of "getting off" on the system. But that's a completely different discussion. Anyway I realize I was pretty greedy, and toward the baby shower day, I sort of calmed down, and just felt thankful for the people that ended up showing up. It was a very nice baby shower and I enjoyed it! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 I always found it odd when people have a baby shower BEFORE the baby is here. We always have them after so they can actually see the baby they are being gracious too. I know people have it before though. Link to comment
Saffron_ Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 Baby showers are almost unheard of here. I've personally never met or known anyone who's had one. Normally friends and close work colleagues just buy an outfit for the baby once it's born. When a girl I work with had her baby 6 months ago, we all put in £5 and got her £40 of mothercare vouchers so she could chose what she wanted, and also a card signed by everyone. When my friends/cousins had their babies, again I just bought little outfits costing under £20. I could afford more than that but I wouldn't spend it because it's just not done. Till I read this thread I'd never even heard of a baby registry! Out of curiosity, will you be having a christening/naming ceremony for the babies and if you do, will you be expecting gifts for that as well? Edit: I also didn't know people played games at these things! I'm trying to imagine...but I can't so you'll have to fill me in Lol! Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 It's really silly games, like you would play at a bridal shower. A few I have been to the games were 'guess the baby's gender' (if the parents have kept it a secret) or a bunch of games on the baby's weight. I"m sure there are more, lol. Link to comment
Saffron_ Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 It's really silly games, like you would play at a bridal shower. We don't have bridal showers either...um...either that or people just don't invite me to theirs Lol! Oh no wait, people do have engagement parties. Same principle I s'pose. I think people in general these days can be a bit greedy when it comes to expecting gifts. Like when people have babies and they get pre baby gifts, post baby gifts and christeniing gifts on top of that! That's a lot! Same with marriage. I'm not sure people should get engagement gifts and then wedding gifts as well. I think it should just be one or the other. I realise I might be alone in thinking this way but it's just how I was brought up. I'm not opposed to gift giving, I just don't agree with going nuts about it. Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 We don't have bridal showers either...um...either that or people just don't invite me to theirs Lol! Oh no wait, people do have engagement parties. Same principle I s'pose. I think people in general these days can be a bit greedy when it comes to expecting gifts. Like when people have babies and they get pre baby gifts, post baby gifts and christeniing gifts on top of that! That's a lot! Same with marriage. I'm not sure people should get engagement gifts and then wedding gifts as well. I think it should just be one or the other. I realise I might be alone in thinking this way but it's just how I was brought up. I'm not opposed to gift giving, I just don't agree with going nuts about it. The expectation that you will receive gifts from anyone specific is greedy, period. Yes people will want to give you gifts to share in exciting times of your life. But in my view, gifts are entirely at the option of the giver. To who,when, why, what and how much are entirely up to the person spending the money. Used to be that a bride/mother never even KNEW about a pending shower and it was a surprise thrown by someone OTHER than her mother or sister, as they were too close. These days, women plan their OWN showers???? Ask for money? Glad I am past all that. It all seems a dreadfully tacky state of affairs lately. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 We don't have bridal showers either...um...either that or people just don't invite me to theirs Lol! Oh no wait, people do have engagement parties. Same principle I s'pose. I think people in general these days can be a bit greedy when it comes to expecting gifts. Like when people have babies and they get pre baby gifts, post baby gifts and christeniing gifts on top of that! That's a lot! Same with marriage. I'm not sure people should get engagement gifts and then wedding gifts as well. I think it should just be one or the other. I realise I might be alone in thinking this way but it's just how I was brought up. I'm not opposed to gift giving, I just don't agree with going nuts about it. I agree. We have engagment parties here but no one I know ever had one. It's always the bridal shower or baby shower and most bridal showers the couple is just moving in together so they register for like household stuff but yeah. My ex and I were never engaged and when we moved in together, EVERYONE gave us stuff. I didn't ask for anything and I had a fully stocked kitchen the day we moved in. I'm of the aspect the showers are to celebrate the upcoming wedding or baby and gifts are OPTIONAL, not REQUIRED. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 The expectation that you will receive gifts from anyone specific is greedy, period. Yes people will want to give you gifts to share in exciting times of your life. But in my view, gifts are entirely at the option of the giver. To who,when, why, what and how much are entirely up to the person spending the money. Used to be that a bride/mother never even KNEW about a pending shower and it was a surprise thrown by someone OTHER than her mother or sister, as they were too close. These days, women plan their OWN showers???? Ask for money? Glad I am past all that. It all seems a dreadfully tacky state of affairs lately. I admit, my fiance and I have asked for money but not in that sense. Due to the situation of me moving there we wanted our guests to know if they bought us something - like a kitchen set or whatever - that sadly, it would be a waste of money because we just won't have it to ship it over. So in order to save THEM money and us not have to give away a gift someone bought for us from the heart, we let everyone know if they wanted they could give money or, not even get us a gift, there prescene at the wedding was more valuable than a gift. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 Baby showers are common around here(where I live and those in my age demographic). Maybe it's different depending on location and culture? I was not going to have a baby shower at all, but in June my sister in law begged me to throw a baby shower. My mom gave her the money, and my sister in law planned and hosted the thing (i.e. i did not plan my baby shower). I had no idea what to expect going into it, besides me giving her the invitation list. But I had no intention of having one, and was really just going to get everything I wanted for the babies myself. I admit I did get particularly greedy, but it subsided as it moved closer to the baby shower date. I had a ton of fun, and was just glad to be with friends and family. I do know some women that plan their own showers. One of my friends is. She is on her 4th child, and desperately needs baby items(neither of them is employed, and they have NOTHING at all) so her baby shower is def. planned with the intent to receive what she can. i feel for her, because shes gotten some negative feedback for having a baby shower for a fourth baby. However when she conceived the baby, she knew that she was in no financial place to have the baby, that her husband was no good (he beat her up literally a month before she got pregnant), and that she could barely take care of her other three children. I think in those cases where people really need items then expecting gifts while greedy--is expected. But I don't know anyone who's asked for money for a baby shower. As for the baby games--we played several, the name game, guess the change, baby changing contest, guess how much baby basket costs, gift unwrapping game, etc, etc. It was a lot of fun. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 How can you be on your 4th chidl and NOT have baby things? My mom still has the crib I was in when I was a kid - if I were staying here and it still adhered to safety precautions, I would be using that sucker! Link to comment
lostnscared Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 How can you be on your 4th chidl and NOT have baby things? My mom still has the crib I was in when I was a kid - if I were staying here and it still adhered to safety precautions, I would be using that sucker! Her first was a girl. The second two were boys. After she had her girl, she gave the stuff away to friends and family. The same with the boys. She is now pregnant again with a girl. She claims this pregnancy was unexpected--but she seriously gets pregnant EACH year, and was not on any form of birth control. The only reason it's a bad situation is that her husband is abusive, has no job(he has not worked in 4 years, so he has no skills, no GED), and she only works like twice a week(they have no working car either). Her mother actually told her to abort the baby, just because it was such a bad decision for her to get pregnant in such a situation. She chose not to, but she cannot afford this baby at all... They can barely afford the ones they have. It's a bad situation and I can't imagine bringing a 4th child into it. I will probably buy her baby some stuff, because I know she REALLY needs it, and the most her parents can get her is a playard. Like she really is counting on everyone to help her with diapers, and clothes. She would like a baby swing, and high chair as well. She is so desperate that she is hosting the baby shower herself, and has asked friends to help her. In her case I do think it's expected that she would want the baby shower solely for the items--even if it is greedy, it's what she needs. She has no other way of getting the stuff herself. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 I guess I have no pity for people like that. This is why you don't just give all your baby stuff away or sell it - because everyone is goign to look at your previosu 3 kids and wonder why you DIDN'T keep it. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Just wanted to point out- some baby things can't be kept too long. Carseats, for instance, actually expire after a while because the materials degrade over time rendering it less safe and less able to handle the impact of a crash. link removed You also have to be very careful about purchasing 2nd hand cribs or re-using cribs especially if they are the drop-side design. link removed If you do re-use items it is important to check periodically to see if the brand make and model of the toy, furniture, or any other item has not been "recalled". It's downright scary how many baby items have been recalled for dangerous levels of lead, choking hazards, or flawed design. Of course buying things new is no guarentee of perfection since new things get recalled too- but there are some items that should not be kept or re-used too much because the risk of failure or malfunction is higher. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 I agree some items shouldn't be kept - cribs, car seats, and strollers should be checked to see if they are still safe due to current standards - but clothes and toys (those toys that aren't recalled, at least). I just don't see any excuese. Link to comment
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