Baby Showers?

[lostnscared]

What is the standard number of people that typically come to baby showers?

We sent out 50 invites, and so far it looks like only 25 people will be coming--though there's still another week to RSVP. I'm a little bothered by that(not going to lie) because my mom and I put about $800 into the shower--including decorations, food, and the club house(which was under $200). I'm trying not to let it bother me, but the thing is the baby shower is just about all family since it is in Ohio where a majority of my mom and dad's side live--so a part of me feels like it's wrong for family not to show up. I initially did not want a baby shower for this very reason--I knew I would get upset if people did not show up. And I had friends that had this happen to them. For instance my best friend had NO one at all come to her baby shower besides her husbands family, and her mom and her sister--but no one else in her family came. Her feelings were hurt, and she felt stupid, especially because at the time she did not know her husbands family.

Another issue is that my boyfriends family all live in Chicago, they won't be coming to the shower because it's on a Sunday. But I feel like they should at least get something for the babies. Is it wrong for me to ask my boyfriend that he needs to throw together some sort of party or collect gifts? LOL. I know that is extremely tacky, but I feel like it's really ONLY been my family(mainly my mom and dad) that have been helping get stuff for the babies. And his family for the most part has been MIA. I mean his mom is supposed to be getting clothes and stuff, but she hasn't yet. I'm trying not be bratty(so tell me if I am).

Also to add my boyfriends family is very huge--even bigger than my own. And that is one of the reasons I'd like him to throw a diaper party or some sort of party in Chicago before he moves down here in the middle of August. Am I just being overly greedy? LOL.

 

 

[Seraphim]

Yeah, you are being overly greedy.........lol. Sorry. I think about 30 people were at mine. My mother did the whole thing. I just wanted to introduce my son to the family, I did not care if they got me anything, I just wanted them to love my son.

[BellaDonna]

What I've found with most of these functions is that sometimes people are indeed coming but they just don't have the manners to RSVP.

 

So if you have 25 RSVPS plan on 35 showing up.

And that is one of the reasons I'd like him to throw a diaper party or some sort of party in Chicago before he moves down here in the middle of August. Am I just being overly greedy? LOL.

 

I'm sure his family will do something for the babies, it may be once the babies are born and not at the shower. I really wouldn't force a man to have a "diaper party" though. That might be mortifying for him. His family were invited to the shower, right? They can't go because it is on a Sunday. They will probably send something even if they can't make it to the shower.

 

Do you have a gift registry? If so do they know of it?

 

I wouldn't push the issue because it may seem rude. If they were invited to the shower they will know you were accepting gifts. A separate shower in their area may be a bit much. (Unless your BF's mother insisted on throwing it or something - but for the couple to initiate it I think it is not a good idea). Just my .02 cents. Gifts are to be given when someone wants to give them. They should not be pried out of people.

[OptomisticGirl]

Yeah, you are being overly greedy.........lol. Sorry. I think about 30 people were at mine. My mother did the whole thing. I just wanted to introduce my son to the family, I did not care if they got me anything, I just wanted them to love my son.

 

I have to agree with Victoria. Honestly? This is the number one reason I would NOT spend $800 on a baby shower unless I knew 100% all 50 people were coming. It shouldn't be about who shows up or who gets what for the baby - it should be about everyone celebrating the new addition to the family. I'm more than sure his family will get the baby stuff but you also have to look at it from their POV - they won't see the baby as much as your immediate family will. They may not feel as close to the babies yet as your family does.

[OptomisticGirl]

Since I can't edit my post - drat! - I wanted to add wanting things for the baby or wanting people to get things for the baby isn't greedy, I think it becomes greedy when you are asking your SO to have a party for the sole PURPOSE to get things for the babies, you know? Because the reality is you guys are the parents. No one else is obligated to buy anything for the babies but you guys - it's a nice gesture if someone gives you a gift but it's not their responsibiity - even as your and his family - to but them things.

[Capricorn3]

I agree with BellaDonna.

 

I didn't have a baby shower at all. After the baby was born, when family and friends came to visit and see the baby, they gave little gifts and that was fine by me. I never asked for gifts, nor expected them. To me, a baby shower should be more about celebrating the event, rather than wanting and expecting lots and lots of gifts.

 

I certainly wouldn't EVER ask my partner to throw a diaper party to collect gifts. (Yes, that does make you sound overly greedy and a little tacky. Sorry). Oh my ..... how mortifying for the poor guy, lol. Surely your baby shower should be enough?

 

As a side note: I would have used that $800 and put it towards buying things for the baby.

[lostnscared]

Haha thanks everyone for the input. I kind of knew I was being greedy and tacky, I just needed confirmation lol.

 

My mom is the one that spent so much money on the baby shower--she didn't do it with the mindset that "oh we're inviting 50 people so we need to put a lot of money in it"--rather she wanted it to be a very nice baby shower, so she decided to spend a lot of money on it(which I actually did object on).

 

Initially I was not going to have a baby shower, because we were going to buy everything ourselves, but a month ago my sister in law begged me to throw it for me and said that even if I don't care about getting gifts it should be "fun" anyway. Well once I got to doing the baby registry and looking at baby stuff I started wanted a lot of gifts lol, but before than it was initially just going to be a regular party just to sort of tell everyone that I'm having babies. Now I believe I turned it into a gift-giving session, which I know it was not intended to be that way.

 

Well I guess I'm a bit jealous because two of my friends are married to my boyfriends cousins, and as I said my boyfriend has a huge family. They both are having their baby showers in Chicago where his family is, and therefore they are able to invite both sides(their family and their husbands family) so they're expecting to get a lot of things. Whereas it's really just going to be my side of the family and I'm not sure when me and the bf will be back to Chicago once the babies are born. I admit that it's petty. But I just feel like no one from his family is coming to mine but coming to theirs.

 

My boyfriend would probably not host a diaper party anyway, lol, but I kind of wanted gifts for the babies from his family in Chicago. And I know that is greedy, but I just can't help it lol.

 

Capricorn--yes now that I think about it spending $800 on a baby shower is a bit ridiculous. At the time when my mom gave my sister in law the money, I thought that was a slightly normal amount. Then found from the two friends I have that are having baby showers, that they are spending under $200 and now I do feel pretty stupid. It isn't my money though--it's my mom's and she has already bought the babies quite a few things. It's kind of too late now.

[OptomisticGirl]

It's one of those things you have to take in hand if you live far away from one or both families. When I move to England my mom can't just pop to the store, buy something, and send it to me - she can but the shipping will be more than the gift! - but I know she will send what money she can threw pay pal and we will buy what we want with it. We will never get as much baby stuff from my family as we will from L's family because we aren't near them. Just keep that in mind as well.

Yeah, I admit my eyes bugged when I read the baby shower price, lol. My best friend's (which the baby was AT the shower because she came early) we spent like $50 on to host I believe. You can have a nice shower on the cheap as well but if someone is throwing it for you it's their decision to spend what they want, not you.

[lostnscared]

Yeah I realize that, and it kind of sucks. In a way I thought it was a good thing, because my bf's family are trashy(I hate using that word but I don't know how else to describe) in some of their ways and so I didn't want any kids I had growing up around them. I thought the move was a good way to avoid that. But on the other hand they are a HUGE family, and are very family-orientated and are supportive, so I know they would've been able to get a lot of stuff for the babies but since I'm not there I don't get the gifts.

 

Yeah I don't know what my mom was thinking when spending that much on the baby shower. One of the girls--that I mentioned on the other post--she is having her baby shower at a friends house, they are buying a cake, chicken wings, and macoroni with food stamps(again I said his family can be trashy in their ways LOL) and cooking it themselves. And they spent like twenty dollars on decorations. They will not have the typical baby shower games. She just wants "stuff".

 

The other friend is waiting until AFTER her daughter is born, and she and her sister in law are cooking steak tacos(again with food stamps) at her husband's grandma's house to entice people, and they'll buy a cake, and spend probably less than $100 on decorations.

 

So all in all neither of them are going out of pocket on very much. I don't know why my mom decided to spend that amount of money, but I keep telling myself that no matter who doesn't or who does show up, at least with what was invested it will be a very nice baby shower.

[OptomisticGirl]

But your still thinking in terms of gifts LS. It shouldn't be about what they can get the babies, it's what they can give them in none gifts. Even if they never bought anything for the babies (which I Highly doubt will happen) it doesn't mean they love them less, they just aren't giving them a material thing to show their love. My mom doesn't have to get our kids anything because even if she didn't, our kids will still know they are loved by her.

 

We never played games at my best friend's shower - but we had to keep quiet because of the newborn, too. I think sometimes people get caught up in the 'idea' of a baby shower, just like we bride to be's get caught up in the idea of wedding planning and sometimes forget what it's REALLY about. It isn't what kind of decorations you have or if the cake is 4 tired or if the food is homemade or catered - it's about celebrating the new arrival. Becuase when you think about it, the baby shower could have been done on the cheap (but still a good shower!) for less than 1`1/2 that and the rest could have went into actually getting the babies something.

[Capricorn3]

One of the girls--that I mentioned on the other post--she is having her baby shower at a friends house, they are buying a cake, chicken wings, and macoroni with food stamps(again I said his family can be trashy in their ways LOL) and cooking it themselves. And they spent like twenty dollars on decorations. They will not have the typical baby shower games. .

^^ I have only ever known baby showers to be this way (yes, I'm old school, lol). I had never heard of gift registry and the like (it still shocks me), lol.

 

OP: You seem to be all focused on only receiving as many gifts as possible. Try to remember, this should be more than just receiving tons of gifts

[BellaDonna]

Well, as much as baby showers are a celebration, they ARE a gift giving session. I would not ever imagine attending one, eating the food there, etc without bringing some kind of gift for the new baby or in this case babies. It would be rude to show up completely empty-handed. If I was close to homeless and had absolutely no money I would make "babysitting coupons" to give to the new parents. You have to give "something".

 

But you have to be tactful and kind when you invite people to a function in which it is socially expected for them to bring a gift. I don't think it's terrible if your mom splurged on the shower if she really wanted to- as her own personal decision- but other family members can't be expected to have that same level of motivation to spend $$$.

 

I guess once again I would just advise not to force your man to have a diaper party. Although you can laugh as you imagine how it might go if he ever did do that. lol

[lostnscared]

Well yeah but chances are the babies won't know that they are loved by the bf's side of the family since we probably will only visit Chicago a couple of times a year anyway. They won't really know them.

I honestly thought the whole point of a baby shower was for the food, the games, and the gifts.

 

Yeah I know the baby shower could have been done on the cheap... LOL. But there's nothing I can do about it now, it's too little too late. My mom did not tell me she spent that much money UNTIL after she gave it to my sister in law, at which I looked at her like wt*. I think the money could have been put to better use, but it wasn't my money so I couldn't really say anything. My mom has been really helpful during the pregnancy and I just appreciate it whatever she does even if sometimes she goes overboard.

[OptomisticGirl]

Bella makes a good point too. Those who haven't RSVPed may not be able to get a gift and therefore don't feel like they should RSVP because they can't bring a gift. I felt bad only getting my niece a onzie when everyone else was giving her like $50 and up gifts but I gave something. If I hadn't of been able to give that I wouldn't have went.

[OptomisticGirl]

That's why you TELL them they are loved by them. They won't see them as much as your family but your still going to tell them they are family, right? Same concept. The baby shower is a time for your loved ones to give you gifts and to eat and mingle BUT it's not EXPECTED of anyone to attend or get a gift (which then they wouldn't attend). There is a difference in having a shower and people bringing you gifts and you expecting people to bring gifts or going out of the way to make sure you have gifts, you know?

[lostnscared]

^^ I have only ever known baby showers to be this way (yes, I'm old school, lol). I had never heard of gift registry and the like (it still shocks me), lol.

 

OP: You seem to be all focused on only receiving as many gifts as possible. Try to remember, this should be more than just receiving tons of gifts

 

I've only known baby showers to be that way as well, but again I didn't plan it my mom and my sister in law did. They wanted to have it at a clubhouse and to spend a lot of money on foods, and decorations. Initially I just assumed we would have it at my grandma's house. My sister in law nagged me about doing the registry--I didn't want to and didn't care at first. It was ONCE I did the registry and walked around at stores that I started to get obsessed with "gifts". Before then I was real chill about it. I really hate registries now lol.

 

I am focused on receiving a lot of gifts--but it seems like that is what others(like the two girls I mentioned) are focused on as well. Isn't that the point of a baby shower? To receive things?

[BellaDonna]

Oh and if you get gifts that are horrific just smile and move on. Know that if you can't use them you can always secretly return them, or if that isn't an option you can donate them.

 

I received a onesie for my son that said "I goo and I poo and that's all I do"...... and that went straight to the local Goodwill store. ("Aww how cute"- moments later it was shoved into a black garbage bag in the trunk...on it's way to be dumped off- like something out of a bad crime scene)

[lostnscared]

Yeah I know. I don't really think anyone should spend as much as my mom did unless they want to, because I think she went overboard--but that is just how she is. I'm her oldest daughter, and she is excited.

 

Yeah I'm not going to force him to have a diaper party, but I don't know how to tactfully tell him that his family should still buy stuff for the babies and send it to me even if they can't come to the shower. I mean is it wrong to at least ask him that?

[OptomisticGirl]

Yeah I'm not going to force him to have a diaper party, but I don't know how to tactfully tell him that his family should still buy stuff for the babies and send it to me even if they can't come to the shower. I mean is it wrong to at least ask him that?

 

Yes. If they want to give a gift they will find a way to give it - for you to ask him to ask them comes accross as greedy and untactful and like all you want from them is gifts for the babies - when it should be you wanting them to be there FOR the babies.

[lostnscared]

Oh and if you get gifts that are horrific just smile and move on. Know that if you can't use them you can always secretly return them, or if that isn't an option you can donate them.

 

I received a onesie for my son that said "I goo and I poo and that's all I do"...... and that went straight to the local Goodwill store. ("Aww how cute"- moments later it was shoved into a black garbage bag in the trunk...on it's way to be dumped off- like something out of a bad crime scene)

 

LOL. Yeah I know. Actually one of my friends said that she got like the WORSE gifts ever at her baby shower. She said like 30 people came, but like they were really tacky about it--like there was one to every three to four people. For instance she received a box of what looked like $5.00 hair bows and it was from FOUR people for just that one gift. She created a baby registry but no one really got things from the registry.

 

I was really specific about the things that I wanted so I'm hoping people pay attention. I actually also wrote on the invitation--don't need clothes but will accept giftcards. I did that intentionally because I honestly just want to buy the clothes myself--I know some people have different taste than mine. And I'm really bad at faking a smile, it would be very obvious if I didn't like a gift.

[OptomisticGirl]

But what if those 4 people were broke and that was ALL they could afford? This is the problem with showers and the like (and I'm happy I'm not having a bridal shower!) you just don't know a person's income and when you get something like that you think 'ew, how dare you' when in reality, it may be all they could afford.

[BellaDonna]

I was really specific about the things that I wanted so I'm hoping people pay attention

 

I would say that about half of them pay attention and half don't at all. At least that is how is panned out when I had mine. I got great things both on and off my registry but there were also "goo and poo" onesies and other things like a giant SpongeBob Squarepants or dollar store choking hazard toys, that I was not so enthusiastic about.

 

Just fake your best smile and say "thank you". Move quickly through ALL gifts (even ones you love ) so it doesn't seem like you spend less time on the ones you don't like.

[Capricorn3]

I don't know how to tactfully tell him that his family should still buy stuff for the babies and send it to me even if they can't come to the shower. I mean is it wrong to at least ask him that?

I don't think I would EVER tell my husband that he has to tell his family to buy the babies gifts and send them to me. Lordy, I think that is really in very bad taste (imo). When and if his family ever manage to get to your part of the world, it is up to THEM if they bring gifts or not. You should never demand or expect people to do this - it is really beyong tacky and in very poor taste (imo).

[lostnscared]

But what if those 4 people were broke and that was ALL they could afford? This is the problem with showers and the like (and I'm happy I'm not having a bridal shower!) you just don't know a person's income and when you get something like that you think 'ew, how dare you' when in reality, it may be all they could afford.

 

You have a point LOL. I didn't think about that. I honestly would rather a person just not buy anything if they all they can afford is a toy from the dollar store...

[lostnscared]

I would say that about half of them pay attention and half don't at all. At least that is how is panned out when I had mine. I got great things both on and off my registry but there were also "goo and poo" onesies and other things like a giant SpongeBob Squarepants or dollar store choking hazard toys, that I was not so enthusiastic about.

 

Just fake your best smile and say "thank you". Move quickly through ALL gifts (even ones you love ) so it doesn't seem like you spend less time on the ones you don't like.

 

Good point and good idea. I kind of had feeling that people may not go by the registry so I did write on the invitations--don't need clothes but will accept giftcards. I REALLY hope people at least see that and forgo buying clothes. Honestly I really just asked for diapers, bottles, diaper bags, baby books and toys(jumpers, playmats, gyms). I tried not to ask for anything that was very expensive.