Need opinion from parents of teenage daughters.

[ashley001]

I'm 19 year old female and in need of some advice.

 

So my parents were never "strict" on me, they never really set a curfew or concrete rules because they believed in me making decisions on my own and I never took advantage of that. I'm an angel, really. While they aren't strict, they are very traditional as far as not letting guys into my room, guys picking me up on dates, etc. They migrated from Asia and so I am the first generation here in America.

 

I am a junior in college living at home and last night I went over to my boyfriend's house. We had dinner together and were watching movies in his room. We didn't do anything sexually, we both happened to fall asleep though and I woke up around 3:45am and went home. I checked my phone and I had a bunch of missed calls, etc because my parents were worried, I get that.

 

I haven't seen my parents since because I'm at work all day, but when I do get home tonight I'm not quite sure what to expect. For sure I will be honest, I fell asleep. But I just want opinions/perspectives of parents of teenage (almost 20 years old) daughters and how you would react to this.

[trezz]

i would have been seriously freaking out.

did they know you were at your boyfriends so they considered you to be somewhere safe or did they wonder had you come to harm somewhere?

i would expect my daughter to apologise for the worry and explain what happened.

depending on your relationship with your parents what else you tell them is your choice.

i think as you are young and live at home it would be respectful to tell them there are no pregnancy issues to fear-you get pregnant their lives change too-especially if you stay in their house with a baby.

i would want to know it was an accident (they proberly know but no harm saying) and you wouldn't scare them on purpose.

even at 20 they will worry that you are safe and be concerned for you.

[Seraphim]

I would have lost it too, unless I knew she was safe. I know I came home very late once when I was about 21, my mother was waiting for me........it was not too pretty.

[FathomFear]

I'm not a parent, but I find it a little odd why anyone would "freak out" at an adult child not coming home in the evening. I lived at home when I was 19 and found myself in a similar situation multiple times. Falling asleep at friends' houses and such. My parents didn't remotely freak out. It was more of a "Fun last night?" kind of approach.

 

Now, I can see freaking out if you disappeared for more than a day. That would be suspicious.

[Seraphim]

^^

Because anything can happen to someone. Raped, murdered, robbed,kidnapped, beaten up...............the list goes on. Just because someone reaches the monumentous age of 19 does not mean they can come and go as the please and have no respect for someone who might be worried about them and who pays for their existence. I know this is not what the OP did as she has stated she is respectful to her parents.

 

Maybe your parents had nothing happen to their children, but my parents had a daughter who was raped and a son who was almost beaten to death by people who jumped him as he got off a bus. So things DO happen to your kids. Ask yourself how you would feel if that happened to your kids.

[jaywalk]

As a parent of a teen, I can see them being concerned for your safety and in the age of instant communication and instant gratification, its understandable for them to give you a talking to...on an adult level along the lines of " its considerate to let us know you might be out late, and while we like your choice to live at home instead of a dorm to save money, we feel it only fair that you let us know when you will likely be out late". they probably wont be too harsh though.

[Capricorn3]

I'm afraid to say that I would be feeling that same as the other moms who posted above - I would have been freaking out with worry, wondering what has happened to my child. It would be a million times worse if they didn't know where you were. You don't say whether you informed them that you were going to spend time at your boyfriend's house, so I am assuming they had no idea where you were (hence most parents would have been losing their mind with worry).

 

I think the moment you saw all the missed calls, you should have called them immediately to let them know you are safe, so as to put their minds at rest. It seems you saw all the missed calls and didn't respond. Then you went to work the next day and STILL didn't contact them and will only be seeing them that night?? If this is so, then I think you can probably expect them to really give you a good talking to.

[FathomFear]

Maybe your parents had nothing happen to their children, but my parents had a daughter who was raped and a son who was almost beaten to death by people who jumped him as he got off a bus. So things DO happen to your kids. Ask yourself how you would feel if that happened to your kids.

 

Right, but those things can also happen during the day. In the 20 minutes they take to go to the grocery store, etc. I just don't think it makes sense to worry about that until the situation gets at least somewhat dire. Tragedy can strike at any time. I just don't think we should be constantly assuming the worst and guilt-tripping grown children for being indepedent and engaging in relatively standard activities, like crashing at the houses of friends or significant others.

[Seraphim]

I am not talking about guilt tripping anyone but part of being an adult is letting people know who are worried about you that you are ok. That IS an adult thing to do. What does that take? 3 minutes? Not exactly painstaking or denying anyone independence. It is called decency.

[catcountry]

I must agree with Capricorn. They never gave you any set rules but, an immediate call saying I'm okay...just fell asleep means a world of difference to no response at all. Kids (not calling you a kid) just don't understand a parents love until they are parents themselves. Seems like you have a good head on your sholders so just remember...even tho you are an adult you are still your parents baby. One day you'll understand.

[Seraphim]

I must agree with Capricorn. They never gave you any set rules but, an immediate call saying I'm okay...just fell asleep means a world of difference to no response at all. Kids (not calling you a kid) just don't understand a parents love until they are parents themselves. Seems like you have a good head on your sholders so just remember...even tho you are an adult you are still your parents baby. One day you'll understand.

 

I agree,unless someone has their own children they usually have no clue what it feels like to worry till you feel you are going to die. It is not about denying freedom but about impressing on a child/adult that it is just decent to let someone know how they are when they share a home with someone. Also too if someone is not paying for their own life they are not an adult. If they live off their parents they at least have to have the respect to call and say they are ok.