My step-father sexualy abused me and my mother continues to be with him.

[desesperada]

Hello Iam 29 years old and cant afford therapy so i am looking for a place in where i can get some help to deal with my feelings. My step-father abused me sexually numerous times growing up, and when i told my mother about it she decided to stay with him, because he "promised" her he would never do it again. For many years i played the part of the perfect family because i did not want to hurt my mom, she was happy with him, and then siblings came into the picture and i didnt want to hurt them. But i never took the time to take care of my PAIN. about two years ago he cheated on her and left her for another women and what triggered my pain was that even after all he had done she still would choose him over me. She still continues to have a relationship with him even after i asked her to stop and that i was in pain and i needed her support. Basically she choose to stop talking to me instead of him. I have nightmares about this, ive had them all my live but i didnt understand Why, but reading about abuse ive read that it tends to be common. I feel like i never healed, i have problems with intimacy when it comes to my partners, and now i feel i am falling into a depression. How can a mother choose a man over her only daughter. I REALLY need help. I am desperate. dont know how to deal with all this pain. I told some family and friends because i am no longer going to protect them. Thanks.

[OptomisticGirl]

I could have wrote that myself to a degree. My step father abused me for three years and even after telling my mom, she stayed with him. I know your pain so very well. Have you contacted your local health depsrment to see if they have free counseling? Or tried to find a rape survivor group in your area?

[Kitkat973]

How can a mother choose a man over her only daughter.

 

I cannot count how many times I have asked this question myself.

 

The sad truth of the matter is that some people simply aren't good parents. She might have her own issues that lead her to stay in an unhealthy relationship, or she might- and I know from personal experience how hard this is to accept- simply not care.

 

Your mother has made her decision, as painful as it is. Continuing to try and hold on to a relationship with her will only make it hurt worse.

 

Healing isn't something that comes easily. It takes time and continual effort. Things will always be different from what they should be- I know that I will always jump at loud noises, that I will start to shake at the sound of tires on gravel, that whenever someone I share blood with contacts me I'll feel miserable and small and so angry that I can't see straight. But you CAN start to address what's going on with you as a result of the abuse, and you can make progress. It will be hard-won, but the improvement to your life will be worth it.

[chitown9]

To all of you that were sexually abused by a parent: I am so sorry that this happened to you. When you voiced what happened to the other parent and that parent takes no action, and in effect ignores what you have told them, you are then violated again. You were a child and you deserved a safe environment and you were violated and no one protected you. You are bound to have serious reprocussions resulting. Many children who were sexually abused act out as adults by endulging in promiscuious behavior, or having difficulty dealing with their own sexuality, or beginning a life of substance abuse. Also, relationship problems.

 

It is imperative that you get the counseling that you deserve. I suggest that you go to your local government office and ask them for a reference. If you are attending a school, high school or college, talk to the student body counselor for a reference. There are resources in your community. If you need further help, send me a pm and I will research for you. You need to be validated. My heart goes out to you....chi

[dali]

I'm sorry but your mother is a terrible person, it's so sad that someone who is meant to protect you hurts you so much.

 

Do you have any friends or relatives you are close with? Is it possible that they could help you pay for counseling?

[nicoleh24]

What state are you in? IF you cant afford counseling there are programs-free counseling, etc, financial aid so you can move out and get away from that. because i cant imagine having to see his face everyday. im so sorry youre going through this. but there are ways to get that help you NEEd>