Curious on getting back together?

[swann]

Was just curious on what chances I might have on getting back together with my ex. Just a brief description of the details below. And it's not like this is really what I want (don't know really what I want) but was curious nonetheless.

 

We were together for 2 years of which we lived together for one of those years. We are both mid-40's with her being divorced and me widowed. She lives on the east coast and I in the south. About 1,200 miles apart. She didn't want to move from her home. I have kids, she has never had kids. She has always had a "come and go" when she wanted type of lifestyle. Me, I have kids and a job to which I couldn't really move. Not now anyway.

 

She loves where she lives, her friends and her independence. Has a great job and makes good money. Me, make an average salary and do have debits. An issue there for her. What I did provide was what she says she never had and that was a man who loved her for her and always tried to make her smile.

 

This past winter she moved back to her home for good. I last saw her in March. I thought we were going to still try and make it work but she had already made up her mind this wasn't what she wanted. Said she loved me and wanted me but didn't need me. Ouch. We still spoke on the phone fairly regularly but I knew once the summer season hit, she wouldn't need to speak with me anymore as her social life would be in full swing. We have been NC for over 6 weeks now. Only see her on FB where she seems to have her life back in order and having the time of her life.

 

She has narcissist traits and I almost believe I was more of a landing pad for her while she was getting her life back in order after her divorce. She sure doesn't seem to be missing me at all while I'm still trying to come to grips with it all. I am working on getting past and over her but days like today seem to set me back some. I will not contact her and I have no doubt she won't contact me.

 

So, I pretty much know we will never get back together. Most likely I will never see her again. That's hard to believe when you were so close to someone, to someone I was expecting to spend the rest of my life with and now, it's like we never existed. We got along great. I thought we had it all, just didn't know she wanted something else and that wasn't me.

 

So, any thoughts and of course your honest opinions are what I'm looking for as like I said, I realize getting back together won't happen and I just need to keep moving forward with my life without her for good.

 

Thanks in advance.

[DN]

Me, make an average salary and do have debits. An issue there for her.

Why is that an issue?

[swann]

Well her ex-husband was a "money" guy who made a lot of money and provided her a very nice lifestyle. She also makes very good money herself and has almost always worked but her money was her play money so to speak. Once she got divorced she saw that her working was pretty much a must to pay her bills and she hates debt so I think she thought if she stayed with me, she would have to be worried about finances all the time. She asked me once if I had a problem with her making more than me and I said "I would have a problem if you didn't" which I thought was funny.

 

Does that help any?

[tresqua]

So, I pretty much know we will never get back together. Most likely I will never see her again. That's hard to believe when you were so close to someone, to someone I was expecting to spend the rest of my life with and now, it's like we never existed. We got along great. I thought we had it all, just didn't know she wanted something else and that wasn't me.

 

So, any thoughts and of course your honest opinions are what I'm looking for

 

My honest thoughts are that you still expect her to come back. I've heard that the first relationship after a very long one has ended is often a rebound and is harder to get over. You're in your mid 40s, as am I. You've probably had several, if not dozens of relationships during the course of your life, as have I. You probably never see or hear from those women, and this one is no different than any of those. Once you get past the initial shock and denial you'll see it for what it is.

 

Cheers

[DN]

If she wants someone to support her previous lifestyle so she can use her money as play money then a) I can understand why she went through a divorce and b) you are better off without her.

[swann]

Well I was married for over 11 years till my wife passed away. So from 29 till 40 I was married and pretty happily at that. So for two years I was in mourning/grieving stages still I started to get better and that's when "she" came back into my life. I have known her since college but lost touch over the years. We never dated, just kinda always had this "attraction" for each other. So, I dated a lot in my 20's but since then I was off the field of play. She was the first woman I was with since my wife passed. So, I'm new to this dating, living together, breaking up thing sort of thing.

 

 

Well, she got her divorce because she wanted to be with someone who loved her and loved being with her (so she told me). She enjoyed the lifestyle but at that time wanted something else out of life. Someone to share it with. They lived separate lives for the most part. They had talked about divorce before is my understanding.

 

I am probably better off without her but man I loved her and loved her for just her. I guess that's why it's so tough to get over her. And that thought of "I'll never see or hear from her again" is just amazing considering we were so close and plans for the future and all that. My daughter called her "momma ****" that's how close we all were.

 

Losing my wife to cancer was horrible and nothing will ever compare to that including this break up. That's one reason I know I will be OK about this at some point but I am surprised at how much this has pained me. Guess one of the reasons I asked my original question.