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Let me be honest....

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Hey everyone, hope everyone is doing well, or at least coping as best they can....


It's been over a month NC now - and for the last week I had begun to turn my life around. Exercising more (p90x everyday...), and trying to be gentle with myself by not blaming myself for the BU... (was I too boring for her? too overweight? too needy? too much in debt? etc etc...).


I realize that NC is meant for the dumpee to recover, to focus on him/herself, and to move on - and I will be doing everything I can to maximize the potential of this NC... but if I'm honest with myself, I still want her back in my life. I still love this woman, and it was mutual and beautiful while it lasted. I really want her back, and I am hoping that NC will buy me the time to improve myself (my fitness, my spirituality, my financial situation), so that next time we meet (if we ever meet again), she will be amazed at how much I've improved.


But that's just the problem, I will never break NC on my own. And I wonder.. what if she never breaks NC either.... we may never reconcile then...


I wake up everyday with psychosomatic chest pain (pain created by mind or emotional disturbance..). I really want her back, but what if it never happens??? That line of thinking makes me cry sometimes.... what is getting me through this moment is that I keep telling myself that "this is only temporary, you will be with her again eventually"..... and somehow that calms me down and makes me feel a bit a better.


I know people here say that "hope is not a strategy"... but damnit, picturing us together again in the future stops the tears.....

God.... I want her back....

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Hope is not neccesarily a bad thing. It can pull you through the tough times. But you can only hope so long before it starts to wear thin. I've had two relationships of a decade plus each end, and I did hope with each for a while. Eventually though the reality of the situation became clear and I had to accept that things wern't going to conclude with a happy reunion.


But, the work I put into myself and healing wasn't wasted and when hope dies I aws left with a better, stronger me


So hope for a happy resolution, but keep working on yourself for your own sake. The future will take care of itself one way or another

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Sometimes when you end a relationship, although you wish to try it again, it's really not worth it. I don't know the full story behind what happened in your situation, but typically once it ends, it ends. And even when you try to get back together it's never really the same. You can fake it for a little while, but most of the same problems are still there and will still be an issue.

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Honestly the best thing that I've found is to just let go with love. Work on loving yourself. That pain you're feeling is from inside of you. It's not her causing it. How do you stop pain inside of YOU. YOU have to figure out why it's there. It's not that the ex left, and all the left over stuff that you're going through. It's something deeper than that.


Try reading You can heal your life by Louise Hay If you want to know why you're going through what you're going through read The journey from abandonment to healing by Susan Anderson


You can heal your life talks about the law of attraction also. Which in my mind and life is very real. You get what you put out to the universe. Until you let go and move on, you're putting out that you actually don't want your ex back because of all of the emotions and negativity you're feeling. That actually pushes them further away. What I'm saying is you need to get to a place that you're happy with yourself. Continue working on yourself, rebuild your self confidence. Let go with love and forgive yourself and them. Then live you're life where YOU know you are good enough. Know that you deserve someone that loves you. If you want to put it out there then, that you want them back you can do that and read on the law of attraction.


It will not work until you have moved on and let go. Hope is a bad thing when it comes to letting go IMO. It just delays it. It causes you to hang on. Get those books and continue doing your work. It wasn't that SHE thought you weren't good enough, or man enough. It's that YOU thought you weren't good enough. Now stop thinking like that and love yourself! Know that you are good enough! Believe that you are loveable and deserve love, not just from her but everyone! Read those books and you'll understand more of what I'm saying. Best of luck!

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