oral sex opinions!!!

[lovemydogs25]

Ok, so I would like to get some opinions on this, so everyone please let me know what you think....

 

I have been dating my bf for 6 months. When we first met, he told me he enjoyed going down. I had just gotten out of a long and bad relationship, where the sex life had died and we maybe MAYBE had sex about 10 times in the last 2 years (terrible! however once i was out of the toxic relationship my sex drive came back FULL SWING, so i was obviously emotionally/mentally blocked from his douchebag ways!) Anyways the last time my ex and I were about to have sex, he made a comment about me "being awful and smelling awful" I had just literally ended my period and had not had a chance to shower, so what did he expect? plus i was not in the mood....so anwyays, it had made me paranoid about "smelling bad". After the break up with him, i dated a couple other guys before my current bf. Although i was afraid to let them, they went down and when i asked them if everything was ok, they said yes. So obviously smell is not the issue.....

 

My question is, my current bf made it clear he enjoys going down on women...however, he has only done it 2 times to me and it was in the first 2 months. I do enjoy being eaten out, and all my other bf's have done it. I have asked my bf if there is a problem...do i smell? am i ugly down there? I keep myself very clean and trimmed, do i need to shave completely? he says no, everything is fine, he just "doesnt do it all the time". He "used to when he was younger" but now he enjoys the actual intercourse and other foreplay more. I must admit, it kind of hurts to know he "used' to like to do it all the time to other gf's. But that is the past so i try not to think about it.

 

We have an AWESOME sex life. The sex is amazing, the foreplay is amazing, theres always plenty of other sex/foreplay going on besides oral. But i can't help but wish he would go down more often...i've not really "asked" him out right to go down, i want him to "want" to do it on his own...make sense? OH and I have definitely gone down on him still, although not as much as i sometimes want to, due to the "give/receive" thing....but He also never asks me to go down or insiunates wanting head....when i ask him if i am "bad" at it, he tells me no it feels very good, he just doesnt "need" it and prefers actual intercourse. I dont know if it helps to include, that I am rather tight, and he tells me that it feels extremely good, so perhaps that is why he enjoys the intercourse so much?

 

Does all this seem legit/normal???? Again I am very satisfied with our sex life, in fact i actually want to have sex more than he does, we have sex usually 4-6 times a week or bout every other day at least, and i would have sex even more than that! Dont get me wrong, i am not a nympho, i dont want to go have sex with others just to be having sex, i just really enjoy sex with him, he is the best lover i have ever had (and i have broken one of women rules and told him this! ha ha) and we are very in love and trust each other and have a great relationship so i think that makes us really connect when we make love.

[dali]

Lift up your skirt and say lick this more often in a naughty way , if he doesn't.... use your teeth next time you do oral on him and bite down hard, when he ask what was that for tell him, also maybe do a two for one special on blowjobs and him going down on you that might get his attention.

 

*end sarcasm*

 

Really women should never have to make these sort of posts, I don't understand men like this or even those smell threads (those people deserved not be need to have a 500 meter exclusion zone from women for life), I kind of think they are lazy or have a few screws lose. Maybe ask for what you want, but i do understand not wanting it to feel forced or pressured to do it so I'm not sure I have the magic answer for you.

[donpeel83]

Hun, this reminds me of my recent ex, though it was the opposite given the fact im a guy lol.

 

With me, when we first started going she acted like a nymph and would give me head, would be up for sex all the time (we were in a LDR and only met up at the weekends) and as soon as I came through the door, within 40 minutes I would be ejacluating after a sex sesh. However, things then changed when the real her came out to play. Oral sex stopped, she started giving out minor critical points about my performace (this resulted in me buying a self help book) and I even had a partial circumcision as these were things she wasnt happy with and I ended up jumping through hoops to try and get the sex life back on track.

 

ALso, like you, I was told that she had done other stuff with other guys (for example road head, anal etc) but she would never entertain the thought of doing these things with me. With me the sex life died about 6 months before we broke up but ultimatley with her it was a case of her never being the wannabe porn star she made out, but rather duping me into thinking she was (I believe this is the case as her two previous BF's both cheated on her and it would appear due to her not putting effort into the relationship). She also admitted later on into the relationship that she had "lied" in the beggining as she had wanted to attract me and by being a "whorish sexpest" it was a way to keep me keen until she had me.

 

However, with your case it sounds like the sex life is great. Is it really as good as you say, or are you still left feeling slightly dissapointed? For example, I would preach that the majority of my sex life was good but truth be told it sucked because she was never interested and it killed the relationship. It could be a case he was never that into giving oral or maybe the girls he did it with before were harsh and over critical about his performance? Have you approached about it?

[misssmithviii]

I understand where you're coming from all too well. I have written a post EXACTLY like this, because in the beginning he told me he loved going down on a girl, but after much prying and arguing he admitted he was exaggerating.

 

After 2.5 years of living together it's basically come down to this. I approached him head on with how it made me feel, I told him that it's not about 'wanting him to go down' - it's about pleasure, caring about my pleasure as much as I care about his. When I explained this to him - he felt terrible. I guess he never thought of it that way. He always tended to view it as a demand and never really got through that it truly meant something to me.

 

Now, he doesn't want to have sex unless he can go down on me or if I'm alright with it.

 

Talk to him like I talked to my bf. Explain that it's not about the act, it's about the pleasure - it IS foreplay and sometimes it's more.

[SongCoyote]

In an overall sense it sounds like things are going pretty well, lovemydogs25: lots of foreplay and other-play, good sex, reasonable communication, etc. The only thing you're stuck on is how you feel about him giving you oral. There are two things you can work on: (1) how you feel about him giving you oral and (2) telling him how you feel about him giving you oral

 

For the first, I really recommend letting go, as much as you can, of your anxiety about it. Oral isn't for everyone, and some people just don't get off on doing it as much as others, for a variety of reasons. For the second, though, all I recommend is that you be honest with your lucky lad and tell him in a friendly, gentle way that you would love it if he would go down on you more often. No games, no pretense, no "I'll do it if he/she does" - just tell him you want it more. If he's not willing to do it, well, you end up with two choices again: live with less head, or find someone else who will give you head and hope the rest is as good as you've got now.

 

But that last is only if receiving oral is a deal-breaker for you. If it isn't, and you're otherwise happy in your relationship, do your best to let it go so you can concentrate on getting off all the other ways you're providing for each other

 

Oh, and MissSmithVIII's response was great, and an excellent example of a non-confrontational, positive approach that had exactly the result you hope for. I wish you the best of fortune!

 

Light and laughter,

SongCoyote

[DoGGYtREAts]

^^^ pretty much the exact answer I was going to give, Albiet worded a little better.

[mouseno4]

It never fails to amaze me when i hear about guys with a permanent girlfriend... who CHOOSES not to have sex with her. Not because he cant, but because he WONT.

 

Now i am not a sex craved maniac, so i would never need it every single day or 3-5 times a week. But 10 times in 2 years ??? * * * ?? Why the hell are you with a girl if you dont WANT to have sex with her? Did you guys lose your manhood or something? Yes, sex isnt the entirity of a relationship, but to specifically not want to have sex with her defeats at least one of the purposes of being with her. You know, intimacy and all.

 

As for the OP, yes, if you are in fact ''tight'' a man could get far more pleasure out of that than from oral. As for him not wanting to do oral on you... you need to express your desires for him or you wont get your needs met. Sorry but no communication means neither party knows what the other wants.

[DoGGYtREAts]

It is possible to be intimate with someone without sex. Now for me, I personally, like you, am not a "sex crazed maniac" but it is still important to me, However I know people who for various reasons choose to not express it in that particular manner- One for example is devoutley religious and feels it is sacreligious to engage in that sort of act out of wedlock.

[mouseno4]

It is possible to be intimate with someone without sex. Now for me, I personally, like you, am not a "sex crazed maniac" but it is still important to me, However I know people who for various reasons choose to not express it in that particular manner- One for example is devoutley religious and feels it is sacreligious to engage in that sort of act out of wedlock.

 

I never meant it is the ONLY form of intimacy. Just a part of it.

[lovemydogs25]

donpeel-thanks for your feedback.....to answer your question at the end, yes the sex really is great, I enjoy every minute we spend together. WHen i have asked him about doing oral in the past/other women, he has never told me whether they said anything about his technique. All he has really said is "i like to do it sometimes just not all the time". Im beginning to think, oral (giving or/and recieiving) is just not high on his list of what he likes! Just as everyone has their "favorites" and "i can do withouts" i guess!

[lovemydogs25]

misssmithvii- thanks for the advice, I dont necessarily want oral every single time, i would just like it more often. So based on your advice, I will simply get over "wanting him to take initiative" and just outright ask him to do it! Hopefully he wont be able to resist my request, when said in that husky voice we women get when aroused! thanks again for sharing!

[lovemydogs25]

songcoyote- very much agree that "oral isnt for everyone". Just like anal, kissing etc etc isnt for everyone either, we all have our likes/dislikes and favorites and "eh whatevers" haha. And when it comes down to it, oral is definitely not a deal breaker for me with this man. He is absolutely wonderful, and while i do enjoy oral, I can definitely enjoy our sexual relationship in all the other ways that it satisfies me! It definitely helps that he does not "expect" or "insinuate" for me to perform oral on him though, that would probably create tension/resent! So I will just ask him more, and enjoy the oral when i do receive! thanks for your help!

[lovemydogs25]

mouse-i assume you are referring to my ex in the beginning of your post.....I think it was a case of neither of us wanting to let go, for different reasons. His being he had it made-he had no responsibilites, no bills to pay, could drink all day (which he did) and i took care of him and everything in our 'life" together. He basically was my child. So im sure thats why he didnt "leave" however im sure he cheated on me, he definitely masturbated at least 3 times a day as well. Myself, i didnt leave because I was so convinced (mostly by him) i could not get anyone else, or have anyone treat me as "good" as him. He would tell me several times a day how fat, lazy, ugly and sorry excuse for a woman that i was. After 2 years of hearing that, you tend to believe it. Once I got him out of my house/life, it took a mere week and i was a completely different person and I would never take him back even if i was paid to! of course it took longer to "get over him" but my self esteem came charging back, along with my sex drive!!!

And as for my current "problem" which i dont view as a problem, just to clarify, communication is def key and i will take your advice along with others, to heart! thank you so much!