Made first contact after NC, now confused...

[LittleMonkey]

Hey guys.. So here's the deal. Lately I've made some big changes in my life since the breakup (and the start of NC) 7+ weeks ago (after a 4.5 year relationship). The breakup was kind of nasty, no calm talking at the end (although I did try), hid her off FB chat and skype (in which we were talking a lot and also started the arguments that led to the breakup. 2.5 weeks after that she started dating some other guy and seemed so happy, and changed facebook relationship status with him. I was shattered. Slowly I've started trying to get my life together. Working out, new clothes/look, laser treatments, new job, and recently moving to the big city to an apartment. About 2+weeks ago she 'liked' a pic of my cat on FB, which was the first life sign I got from her since that horrible day. Didn't know what was that about and continued NC. Found out that she doesn't have the relationship thing anymore (not by me, a friend checked and told me without asking) Last week I posted a new profile pic, and she again, 'likes' it. I've decided to call when I'll be after the move. Wednesday came, and I was at the new place. I ran a few miles, did some work out, took a shower, and called.

 

She was surprised to hear from me, she asked what happened that I've called now after blocking her from every possible thing. I said I did that at the beginning and it was just left like that 'cause I didn't think about it (yeah right) anyway, she seemed surprised, but wasn't indifferent or angry, she told me she started working at a coffee shop, and did lots of stuff throughout all that time. It was kind of strange talking to her, and I couldn't help myself saying "wow we haven't talked for so long!" she asked about me, and I said I did some things myself. I tried to keep my tone light and positive. I told her "Let's meet", she asked when, and I asked about her work schedule. She told me she gets her shifts on Saturday for the following week, that her shifts can be at any time, until late night etc. About this weekend she told me she goes to her uncle's place, so she doesn't know now when she can meet. I said "well, if you don't want to..." (again, light tones) and she said that it's because of the work that she can't really do anything during the week, sleeping most of the time off-work. She asked me if I unhid her from the chats, and I said I'm not near a computer now, she asked where was I, and I told her the street's name, then she asked what am I doing there, and I told her I live there. Here she started prying for info, I tried to say we'll talk about it when we meet, but she wouldn't stop, so I gave her a bit. Back to meeting, I tried to get some time, and told her I'm working during the day. She said maybe on Friday after she returns from her uncle's. Now she started probing about my work, and again I told her I'll tell her when we'll meet. I cut the conversation short by giving some excuse about me and a friend going to have something to eat. I told her to let me know about the schedule so we can set a meeting.

 

Total time - 10 minutes. Basically the call was to show her I'm not mad, that I'm cool and mad some changes, and to set a meeting.

 

She wasn't indifferent, she wasn't mad, she had a cheerful attitude in the call, she was interested to know about what I've been doing, not seeing me online did seem to matter to her.

 

That was Wednesday. I unhid her when I got back. Thursday silence, not seeing her on chats or anything (she's sort of a facebook addict so it was strange), neither today (Friday). So I asked my friend (who also has her as a FB friend) to check if she's online, and yes she is. Now if she's hidden me, what's that about? Maybe she did it some time ago but why would she ask me about it but still hide me herself? Until now I've received nothing from her. Maybe she waits to see me online and forgot she hid me herself?

 

I really don't know what's going on. I really want to meet her, and have a good time... When should I call again if she doesn't? I thought about sending her a message that I've unhid her so she'll know. but I don't know if it's such a good idea, I don't want to be pushy/needy.

 

Any positive/constructive advice would be appreciated.

Thanks!

[SicFounder]

 

I really don't know what's going on. I really want to meet her, and have a good time... When should I call again if she doesn't? I thought about sending her a message that I've unhid her so she'll know. but I don't know if it's such a good idea, I don't want to be pushy/needy.

 

I don't think it would be too pushy or needy if you shot her a message asking if she still wanted to meet, or if she had time soon.

You must really like her since it really didn't bother that she was trying to pry you open with all those questions. That usually makes me lose interest in someone when they start bombarding me with questions (usually personal ones). But that's me.

 

Anyways, at least find out if she wants to meet. But be aware that she may say no. I personally think she's just interested in seeing if you've moved on.

[LittleMonkey]

I don't think it would be too pushy or needy if you shot her a message asking if she still wanted to meet, or if she had time soon.

You must really like her since it really didn't bother that she was trying to pry you open with all those questions. That usually makes me lose interest in someone when they start bombarding me with questions (usually personal ones). But that's me.

 

Anyways, at least find out if she wants to meet. But be aware that she may say no. I personally think she's just interested in seeing if you've moved on.

 

Yes, I really like her, I really want to get her back... Plus I'd rather having her asking me than not showing any interest. She broke up with me after all...

 

I'm trying to tell myself to have patience, and try to call her next week after she has her schedules and can make time, if she doesn't call by then.

[sunnz]

I cut the conversation short by giving some excuse about me and a friend going to have something to eat. I told her to let me know about the schedule so we can set a meeting.

 

 

 

I really don't know what's going on. I really want to meet her, and have a good time... When should I call again if she doesn't? I thought about sending her a message that I've unhid her so she'll know. but I don't know if it's such a good idea, I don't want to be pushy/needy.

 

Any positive/constructive advice would be appreciated.

Thanks!

 

You have already told her to let you know when to schedule a meet up...don't ask again...you will come accross pushy and desperate...you want to slowly move your way into her life...not to rush...

 

And no need to send a message to say you unhid her...that will be off putting... because it is like waving a flag that says *yoo hoo I'm here ...waiting for you to talk to me...can you see me I'm waiting* lol...

let it proceed naturally...step back a little...

 

If you haven't heard from her in a week...then make contact but keep it light ...friendly just asking how's everything ...short and sweet....and no mention of why she isn't showing up online...

 

I personally prefer to keep things via email...so I can take my time to reply and not on the spot...it's also less pressure for both sides...but then again that's how my ex and I communicated when we were together and texts too...

 

Certainly don't keep asking her for a day / time to meet like you did on your previous call...that should have been said once only...

[LittleMonkey]

Yeah you're right. I need to have patience and tone down anxiousness if only that was that easy... About email, well she doesn't like to read, we talked a lot on chat though. Email feels to heavy (at least I think, for her...)