Seraphim Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 My husband spends a lot of his free time on his own physical activity pursuits. He plays baseball and soccer in the summer, plus he runs and works out at the gym. In the winter he plays hockey and works out at the gym and runs. Most of the time this is not a problem and I really don't mind. Sometimes though it wears a little thin. I don't ask him not to play but sometimes I can not help feeling ignored. Sometimes, I feel he should spend a little more time with his family as he is away half of every year. What does one do with an all star husband? Link to comment
Lester Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Hi V, My wife's husband never exercises, drinks the cheapest beer, sleeps on the porch unshaven with his zipper down. He's got the body of a dead dog...but does come home every night and loves the heck out of me. Tell him what you want. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 LOL.......that is hilarious! Yeah, I have tried to do some of his physical activities with him but he leaves me in the dust often. He is training right now for his physical test for his deployment and I have done some of it with him but he has to go much faster than I can go.( not to mention his legs are far longer than mine) He is like an unstoppable semi trailer truck. I can not really join him on the teams of course because they are the people he works for and with and I never interfere with work. The running I can not do so well, I was never good at running, and it is too hot and humid for it for me at least because of my asthma. I think may be I am pretty complacent in letting him do what he wants because he tends to do what he wants anyway. I just want to do more things together before he goes on his deployment. I do not want to stop him from his physical pursuits but just to realize sometimes he does too many of them. Who knows he may be realizing it himself because he has hurt himself a few times this year and needed physio. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Men do need their own time to do their own thing, it's obviously what he loves and that's going to change. BUT you should always come first. If he was like this with his activities but he was home all year round, i'd say it's no big deal and that that's just how a man is going to be, BUT since you said he is away half the year, i can see how you would feel really ignored. Where does he go for those six months? is it his job? You'd think that after being away from you for six months he'd want to spend the majority of his time with you, not playing sports. Like i said, guys do need time to do their thing. My partner has his thing that he loves, and yes, sometimes i have felt "jealous" of it or like it matters more to him than i do, but i've come to realize that it is just what he loves, he doesn't love it more than he loves me, and he DOES devote more time to me than to his activity. (that's how it should be.) Remember, you have to let him pursue the activities he loves, or he will RESENT you and feel like he's in a cage. BUT....seeing that he's gone half a year, i'd say he needs to devote more time to you and your family from what i understand of your situation. Good luck! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 Oh for sure he needs guy time. I don't deny him that at all. He is in the military so half the year he is gone on deployment or training. So he is in a very guy centred environment to begin with. We have been with him full time this past year, but for almost 5 years before that he lived on base some 4 hours away and me and my son lived in our home town. So we only saw him every second weekend or so. He got used to living his life his way and me my way. We have reintegrated as a family but he was ALWAYS into sports even from the time he was a kid. He played hockey,base ball,soccer, swim team, track and field. He is just VERY sports minded. His dad was a semi professional soccer player in the UK and his mom and sister were really good at sports as well. It is just who he is. I do not want to control that but for him to maybe tone it down a bit. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Wow! I'll bet he is a fox, Victoria. At least when he IS home, I'll bet he's fun to look at. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 Wow! I'll bet he is a fox, Victoria. At least when he IS home, I'll bet he's fun to look at. Maybe it is why women all over talk to him or give him the eye? Personally, I think it is the eyes. He does not have a 6 pack or anything, but he is not too bad for 42. I kinda like him Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Hmm. Victoria, what would you say is your level of physical fitness. Is it on par with your husband's? Link to comment
alli Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Can you set up certain times & days for "family time" for him to schedule his physical activities around? Maybe you can pick up a hobby to work on some of the time when he's out. For instance, quilting or something like that. While I'm sure you wish he cut back on the physical activity, also keep in mind that the environment in Afghanistan is very different from your home. The air quality is very poor, the elevation is significant & it gets extremely cold at night in the winter and very hot in the summer. It is impossible to run at the same speed in Afghanistan as at home. At least, it was for me. So the better shape he's in before he gets there the easier things willl be for him. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 Hmm. Victoria, what would you say is your level of physical fitness. Is it on par with your husband's? I don't think it is quite on par, but not terrible either. I know he HAS to be fit because he is the military and he wants to be generally as well. ( I was in the military too so I know what is involved, but I have been out for about 8 years now) I am doing his physical deployment training with him though, he does not need me too, but it is my effort to feel involved in his progress. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I don't think it is quite on par, but not terrible either. I know he HAS to be fit because he is the military and he wants to be generally as well. ( I was in the military too so I know what is involved, but I have been out for about 8 years now) I am doing his physical deployment training with him though, he does not need me too, but it is my effort to feel involved in his progress. Maybe you could sort of sit him down and ask him if he'd like to share some of that physical time training with you training along side him. And in return, he can join you for something you want to do. Try to make an equitable exchange of spending time doing things both of you like individually, together. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 Can you set up certain times & days for "family time" for him to schedule his physical activities around? Maybe you can pick up a hobby to work on some of the time when he's out. For instance, quilting or something like that. While I'm sure you wish he cut back on the physical activity, also keep in mind that the environment in Afghanistan is very different from your home. The air quality is very poor, the elevation is significant & it gets extremely cold at night in the winter and very hot in the summer. It is impossible to run at the same speed in Afghanistan as at home. At least, it was for me. So the better shape he's in before he gets there the easier things willl be for him. Yes, it will be different for him and hard and I do want him to be ready. He has 2 weeks off now for holidays so hopefully it will be better. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 Maybe you could sort of sit him down and ask him if he'd like to share some of that physical time training with you training along side him. And in return, he can join you for something you want to do. Try to make an equitable exchange of spending time doing things both of you like individually, together. My son and I did a march with him 2 days ago We are going again tonight when it is cooler. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 When you make the decision to get married and become as "one" it's not about you anymore. I understand that he's about fitness and sports doing the things he likes to do, but you can't put that as a first priority over your marriage/family. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 He is a bit used to his own way, I think. When he was young he saw his dad get his own way all the time or he would blow a hissy. When my husband was younger he wanted his own way or he would blow a hissy too. Now he is not so bad, but he still likes many things his own way. Now he just does not blow a hissy as often. He realizes sometimes he has to bend to make concessions, but he is a HUGE sports player and always has been. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Due to his job, do you think the sports are his way of coping with the stress it puts on him? Does he do any kind of sports/exercise that you could join in with? Link to comment
julieannec1969 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 most women are dying to get their man outta their hair ... U either have to go along and make time, without nagging to much (adjust)..or put up with it. Don't sound to me like u are really wanting to leave him for it. Remember, u are the lady that picked him. Also there are alot of ladies out there who can't find a good man. Things could be worse. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 Due to his job, do you think the sports are his way of coping with the stress it puts on him? Does he do any kind of sports/exercise that you could join in with? Oh yes, he is a VERY stressed individual anyway. He is on 100 mg of Zoloft and he sees a psychiatrist and psychologist for his anxiety disorder that he is working through. Most definitely exercise helps him expend his enormous amounts of energy and his anxiety. For that I am really thankful. I did join him in the gym but I took my knee out and it took months to get better. I have a destroyed ACL so I have to be careful of that knee. I am also not fast but far better at endurance. He is very fast. If we walk together he is too fast and I have to continously ask him to slow down. I can walk for ages but not at mock 9. He naturally walks very fast. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 most women are dying to get their man outta their hair ... U either have to go along and make time, without nagging to much (adjust)..or put up with it. Don't sound to me like u are really wanting to leave him for it. Remember, u are the lady that picked him. Also there are alot of ladies out there who can't find a good man. Things could be worse. Oh no I am not looking to leave, I just do not want him to be overboard which he sometimes is. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I want one like yours!!!! I like my me time and being able to structure my life as I see fit. I don't get lonely when my man is away (my late bf got to the point where he was ALWAYS there. I loved him, but it got a bit old). A sports nut is always going to be a sports nut and you knew that when you married him. You are doing a great job of being married to this man, so I wouldn't try to change much if I were you. Just find your own hobbies to do while he does sports. This may draw him in to spend more time with you as he might get curious as to what you are doing. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 I want one like yours!!!! I like my me time and being able to structure my life as I see fit. I don't get lonely when my man is away (my late bf got to the point where he was ALWAYS there. I loved him, but it got a bit old). A sports nut is always going to be a sports nut and you knew that when you married him. You are doing a great job of being married to this man, so I wouldn't try to change much if I were you. Just find your own hobbies to do while he does sports. This may draw him in to spend more time with you as he might get curious as to what you are doing. Oh for sure I am fine most of the time. I think I am stressed because I am worried about his deployment. It feels like a rush, you know? Like a panic? What if? I want to be sure we all have good times to remember for when he is away, it makes it easier. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 It seems to be a little better since he is now on holidays. We have time to do more things as a family, like family hikes and so on. Link to comment
Alezia Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Does he join in on quality family time if you do plan something? Or is it rather that you would like him to take some initiative in some of planning? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 Does he join in on quality family time if you do plan something? Or is it rather that you would like him to take some initiative in some of planning? Yes, he will join in when things are planned. I think some of it is that I want him to take more initiative, he likes me to be the plan maker. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Yes, he will join in when things are planned. I think some of it is that I want him to take more initiative, he likes me to be the plan maker. L is like this. He's very laid back and lets me run around and do my own thing (aka, what I want) as long as I don't disrespect him. I step over that line he's up and reminds me he DOES have a voice. I wouldn't say he isn't a plan maker but he's the kind of guy who likes to live life by the moment in some areas, not have anything planned immediately (although future wise he loves planning) while I'm a control freak and want everything planned. Sometimes it's good to have someone to remind you to just go with it. Link to comment
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