How to break up with a guy without hurting his feelings

[wai]

Hello ENA,

 

I'm having trouble breaking up with my boyfriend. The reason I want to break up with him is because he makes promises but keeps breaking them. Every time I break up with him I try to stay calm and explain him the situation but he would end up crying and begging and it's really hard for me to break up with him. I don't want him to hate on me and I'm even thinking of being friends with him after couple of months or a year after we split up.

[Huntress0527]

Sadly, there is no easy way to break up with someone without some sort of hurt feelings involved. A few of my break ups tears have been involved from both parties. You just have to tell yourself that in the end this is good for the both of you. That you aren't happy and that he's not a right match for you.

[Mellie]

Hi Wai.

 

You really can't break up with anyone without hurting their feelings. Even if they didn't give a damn about you, the rejection will dent their ego anyway.

 

Are you 100% sure you're done? It's a common complaint from dumpees that they didn't get the opportunity to fix the things that were cited as the reason - they were just dumped "out of the blue".

 

If you really want to break up with him (and most of the time, that means them not being a part of your life anymore), then you have to just bite the bullet. If you really do love him (it's not a measure of you as a person if you don't BTW - be honest with yourself about this), then I would give him the opportunity to fix the things that are wrong, and make it clear what's going to happen if he doesn't.

 

Good luck.

[Escargot]

Offering friendship as a way to soften the blow of a breakup is not the solution. Your offer for friendship is probably more for you (to lessen your guilt feelings) and also maybe so you can keep one foot in the door in case you want to come back to him. But that pseudo friendship only prolongs the pain and sends mixed messages.

 

Just accept that breaking up with someone is hard and there's no easy way around it. But first, before you go through the process again, make sure it's something that YOU want first before you break up again. You'll want your next BU with the guy to be your last. So, after you've given it serious thought and you are certain about your decision, tell him you are breaking up and then tell him that No Contact is the best "next step." It's like ripping off a Band-aid, just go ahead and get it done once it's time.