This NC thing really works!!

[hazelnut321]

I'm now on day 16 of NC. When you go from 2-3 calls a day, usually an email and a text, to nothing- it's very much like drug withdrawal- only worse somehow. My best friend is gone and so is the light in my eyes--- for now.

 

If I could only have a couple of bad times to think about when I start missing him-- but there just aren't any. We were as comfortable as my favorite slippers, yet absolute dynamite in other ways. Yes, we've had problems-(obviously- that's why I'm here), but they usually stemmed from me geting no verbal affirmation that I was loved, plus the fact that he was very slow to make any sort of progression in the relationship, there was no real merger of our lives. I have met most of his friends, but I've never spoken to his family- they are in NY, Chile' and NJ. I rarely spent any amount of time with his kids. Just a dinner here and there- no outings at all. That equates to either him not being ready for a real relationship, or that I'm just not "the one". Either way, we had to break up.

 

Anyway- back to my original point- I'm not the type to text, call and plead with a man to take me back- that isn't my MO. However, I'm certainly not above sending one or 2 desperate texts- or making a call to get "closure"-- ugh. That's NEVER a good idea. So I found this site right on time- you all have kept me strong. I think it's DramaLlama that has the signature- "NC or GTFO".

 

I admit, I was originally going NC with the hope that he would miss me, call me, etc, etc. But he didn't and he isn't going to- at least for a while. His children are all consumming right now- plus maybe he should date around a little- he never has had that opportunity. He was with his ex-wife since the 80's.

 

But going NC is working for a much bigger cause-- Getting my head on straight and moving forward. If I had done 1 or 2 texts, for instance- I would be thinking about him more-- and that isn't progressive.

 

I'm forgetting, just a little how sexy his accent was, and how his hearty his laugh was. I still have a ways to go- but I'm seeing progress! Last weekend, I was in a caccoon- I may do the same thing this weekend. So be it, but my attitude is better.

 

I've got a couple of new friends here and it's been wonderful sharing experiences. What a wise group you are-

 

THANKS YA'LL, I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU!!!-

[Escargot]

Ha! Maybe it's the men with accents. Mine had one too.

Thanks for your posts, Hazelnut. They are always insightful.

[shandie]

Congrats ! That's really awesome! I didn't do NC for a few months and it was terrible! It was like this fake friendship with me hanging on to the idea that he just needed space and if I waited then we would be fine. But it was like a lightening bolt hit me one morning- I"m done. and since then it has been great. I realize just how much I was putting off moving forward. Of course I still miss him, but its different now. Its nice not jumping every time my phone buzzes hoping its him. Its nice to just move on. I'm happy you are in a better place!!

[Cheetarah]

Hazelnut, I think most of us have to know what it's like to not be in NC before we can appreciate what NC does for us. In my past relationships, I was also not above sending desperate texts(maybe 50 of them!), or voicemails: "Would you just call me? I just really...*sniffle*...I have these questions, and...*snort*....HOW CAN YOU DO THIS!??!"

 

Then whenever I did the eventual NC(which took me far too long), I felt like I had this weight lifted off of me. Now when I'm firm in my choice or someone doesn't want to be with me, that's it. I know what speaking to them(or attempting to) is going to do to my emotional well-being. I know it's going to hold me back and getting my cheap druggie fix of hearing their voice for 5 minutes is only going to make me feel better for just about that much time - Before I think of 900 other questions I "desperately" want answered, that there's really no answers to. It just prolongs the inevitable, in my eyes.

 

It's not an easy thing to do but after making it a pattern, it becomes a habit. We too easily forget to self-care in the midst of heartbreak. I think space to sort out our minds and emotions is one of the nicest gifts we can start ourselves off with.

[bunny45]

Aw, glad you have checked in! Was thinkin' about you.

 

I applaud you for making it 16 days.

 

I'm on almost a month and have good days and sad days.

 

I need to find a healthy distraction to help in my recovery...

 

Maybe a cute guy!!! Teasing...

[hazelnut321]

Thank you, Escargot-I enjoy reading your posts- glad you're here. You'll do fine too- you seem quite together.

 

Thank you- Shandie- I certainly haven't always been this strong-- it's something that comes with age and life experiences. I'm sure you're much younger than me- I'm one of the elders around here - When I was young I did some VERY nutty things. Some of which made me feel like a fool along with the heartbreak. YUCK!

 

Minitiya- You've obviously been around the relationship block a time or two. You are absolutely right- when there are no expectations- you aren't ever disappointed!

 

Thanks for replying all!!

[endy]

Every relationship I ever had that ended I never went NC until this one. It has helped me move on a lot. You are doing great also! It's a bumpy road though hun. Just remember that you can love yourself and you should. You deserve it. That's what is really important! A lot of people go through abandonment/withdrawal when they are dumped and it's normal. There's five stages of it. Right now you are in the lifting stage of it. Withdrawal is one of them as well and it's a cyclical cycle that goes over and over until we've had enough, grow stronger, and see the light.

 

You'll see people here doubting a lot of others advice on NC. The truth is usually without NC and healing you aren't going to get your ex back anyways. If you do, the odds are you aren't completely over them/forgave them so it's not going to work anyways. A lot of people and posters on here are very wise. I'm glad you took the opportunity to be open minded and listen to them hazelnut! Remember that everything happens for a reason, and this may just be a lesson you needed to learn to find that one person you're really meant to be with once you're ready again. Good Luck hazel! Wish you the best and stick around if you need to!