Ouch man this stuff still HURTS...

[hausser]

So last weekend found out my ex had a new guy lined up pretty much straight away post BU. She started texting me as a "friend" after 30 days NC when I saw her out locally. After she started playing games again told her to stop, in not so nice words, and she has.

 

This followed 30 days NC and a month prior to that of her becoming gradually more distant after a mutual BU. Finding out about the new guy transformed me from being docile and missing her to being angry and not missing her over the space of a few days. She was borderline cruel when telling me about her new sig. other. "I'm with (his name) now", she told me proudly.

 

Just now however went through my drawer on a whim and found my dog's old puppy collars and veterinary documents.

 

Seemingly innocuous right?

 

No. EVERYTHING reminded me of her as she bought him and doted on him when we were in the real honeymoon period. I damn near burst into tears, it was that intrusive. First time i've ever had it like that. Like a cold dagger.

All I could and still am thinking, is all the care she put into buying him, feeding him buying him those little collars etc and she just upped and left. Hell she even left his puppy stuff, she took that when she left last time.

 

Cold man, cold.

 

It took me right back to around 9 months ago, when it seemed like a baby may be the next step for us, not that I knew it at the time. Everything was awesome. She treated our dog like our kid, and I can't believe that now I don't even consider her a friend.

 

And to think I've been feeling strong and independent all day, even looking forward to dating again.

 

They wern't kidding when they said this * * * * was tough guys. Just needed to vent, peace and good healing everyone.

 

PS I won't contact her. I am not even counting NC days anymore, well I wasn't up until now. She's through with me I know that deep down.

[motleylou]

I can sympathize because I'm in the same spot. Quick recap, end of march ex moved in with me into my parents house, middle of April we went on a couples vacation that couldn't of gone any better(very intimate and romantic, told me how I was the best part of the vaca, and we talked about houses we could buy in the fall when we moved.) To days back from the vacation she goes home and cheats on me. When she comes back she acts like everything's fine and then breaks up with me for a bunch of bs reasons. 2 weeks later I find out through a mutual friend that she did cheat on me and has been hanging out with this new guy. I called her and she confirmed that she did make out with the guy that night, but that she isn't dating him and has NO interest in dating him, me or anyone right now. I left with class and said well you cheated on me and crossed my boundaries, but I wish you the best and have a nice life. Through the same mutual friend I find out just 3 weeks after telling me how she has NO interest in any type of relationship, she's now in a relationship and not with the kid she cheated on me with.

 

It's a really weird feeling how you can go to taking a bullet for that person one week to the next week wishing the worst for them. I was like that for a few weeks, really bitter and angry at her. I am now almost indifferent, I don't care positively or negatively about her. But I will say that she has really made me lose my faith in people, I just don't get how you can go from your the best and we can afford this home when we move, to making out with some dude 2 days later, and then the worst part is all the lies. If she admitted it to me and was sincere in her apology then maybe things would be different. Like you my ex was so cruel after the breakup, completely unlike what I thought she was, it was a side of her I never saw. The way she treated me it was like I was the one who cheated on her, just really strange. But anyway you're not alone and I'm sure there's plenty other out there. Stay positive, find someone better and be happy, that's the ultimate revenge just being happy.

[hausser]

Thanks dude, I hear you on the faith in people thing. Don't think I will ever fully trust a partner again, and will certainly never date a MUCH younger woman seriously again.

 

One thing we;ve both experienced (and mtom, if he reads this) is that finding out they have been intimate with someone else does make things a lot easier in the sense you have anger to mask the grieving. When my ex first started distnacing herself it was horrendous, I used to check my phone constantly and was always waiting for that text etc.

 

Now I know that I'm history to her, as in she confirmed it personally, I never have that deep longing anymore.

 

Spent a lot of lonley nights analysing man, and all along she was in some dudes bed lol. Ah I can see the dark humorous side a little now, how easily forgiving I was, OF COURSE she was with another guy lol.

[AvonRepus]

Have you heard the expression "If you corner a rat,it goes for your throat".

That's how a lot of people react when they do something bad,something hurtful and realize it. And deep inside they are ashamed but also they are immature enough to try to blame it on the opposite side. But after all ,action speaks louder than words. They did something bad,they screwed it up,they * * * * ed you up and they are not strong enough to take responsibility for their actions. Infidelity/Cheating,oh boy,can I write a book about it,there's no excuse for that. And the lying after that just comes to show how scared and emotionally undeveloped they are. Lying to avoid confrontation it's just so common. Nowadays people don't have good priorities in life,they lost their values. The good trustworthy people are dying breed.

 

I do believe in something though,it might be God,Karma or whatever you call it,but there's something out there that keeps an eye on us. A friend told me that * * * * like this happen only to people that are strong and can handle it. So be strong,be positive and you will be happy. There's no other option.

 

And I know it seems like you can't trust people ,I do feel the same way,to be loyal to your partner,for the love of God how hard can that be. I did it,I do it. Is it just me who can resist the temptation in the name of something better.

I do hope I wont turn into stalking,jealous * * * * * ,because I am so damaged but from now on my trust is not a gift, it's a prize that needs to be won.

[hausser]

Yeah good points. I'm defo ready to start dating again, the age old time honoured cure for this crap lol.

[AvonRepus]

I have so many pink words in my posts,lol.

 

Honestly I want to be on the same page as you are,I want to be ready to start dating but I still feel guilt since my divorce is not finalized. But then I am thinking,what the hell,he was spending 6 nights every week with her while we were together and "in love". I wish I do not feel that way. I guess,in a way I am conservative but then last night I went out and wanted to ,well,feel the opposite sex's attention. Hehe. So pretty much I thought I am ready to flirt and maybe dance/kiss somebody else,in my wildest dreams I was even having sex with somebody else but in reality it's hard. I am going to give another shot next week ,I just hope I don't feel low after that.

 

After all,I enjoyed my "single" years,I've always had the best adventures,laughter,positive thinking and sunny days. When I am in relationship I do the worst thing possible,my man becomes my world,while I am still part of his. Maybe I am not meant to be in a relationship since I am so amazing when single. Heh.

[hausser]

Hehe good filters here eh?

 

I read in another of your posts that you drank last night, man that stuff is the worst for getting over a BU/divorce. I spent sooooooo many lonely hours after drinking, and the next day. Yeah it's been 2.5 months since we broke up, and only now really, do I feel ready to date properly.

 

How far in are you?

[AvonRepus]

Oh.Well.Less than a month to be honest. Emotionally I always knew this day will come but the way he did,left me breathless. I am known to be strong and to pull my * * * * together fast and effective. I don't know why people think that way since I was an emotional wreck that first week after I kicked him out.

 

And I do drink,I did drink a lot in the beginning,I did drink so I can go through the night and have more than 2 hours of sleep,then I started taking sleeping pills but I was so anxious that nothing helped.Then I mixed it all together like the last fool but even that didn't help. This is the first time I have a hangover and I felt like I am behind on my schedule. I truly believed I am getting better,I laugh a lot,I don't cry,I eat,I spoil myself,I make myself look good,I joke around,I smile and look forward to stupid things like the new Harry Potter movie or my cat.But I still think about the pain.

 

Time is all I need.

[hausser]

It is, and really please try go NC. Whatever reasons your seeing the guy, stop it unless it is ESSENTIAL. NC really is a great healer.

[AvonRepus]

Unfortunately,I can't go NC because I have to remind him about the bills that needs to be paid,his part of the deal. Other than that I really don't want to see him,I don't want to find out anything about him,but a big part of the problem is that me and his family are really on good terms. Well,we are still * * * * ing married so there's no other way. It's just not easy to move on while I am here. With no real family and good friends,for a while he was my "best friend" or at least I felt like it. I went 5 days NC and he called me twice and I had to answer because I was wondering if he paid the rent. I did show him he's not welcome in my heart or in my house anymore.

 

I think I am going to create a yahoo profile so I can text him from there without giving away my new #. But he still has keys for the house.Dang it. It's just so damn complicated I swear. Drama,drama,drama,this is not my cup of coffee at all.

[hausser]

Yeah it was like that with me too over our dog, but I will say this, as unimaginable as this is to you, there may well come a point where NC is needed regardless of reasons. If he's out with other women he's a good fair bit advanced from you in terms of healing, whereas you are gunna constantly have your emotional fires restoked, even subconsciously when you see him.

 

Can't you ask him for a lump sum for the bills?

 

I used to pester my ex to walk our dog, buy him food and bill money and tbh it just prolonged the inevitable. His family are just that, HIS family....

[AvonRepus]

I can ask him but I don't think I will get the money. And I don't think he will remember to pay the bills since his memory is really bad for that kinda thing. Honestly I just don't want to wake up one day with no electricity or internet because he forgot to pay them. And I refuse to spend my money on bills anymore since he's making twice as much as I am.

 

Yeah he is definitely in a better place ,although on the other hand he's surrounded by law-quality people at the moment,people I am sure he needs to make himself feel better,people that won't mind taking him drugs or act like a teenager. His family is kinda against him,his /our mutual friends are convinced he's going to hit rock bottom and he's acting extremely stupid but he thinks it will all go away. He was never good facing the problems like a grown-up.

 

I am truly convinced that I want divorce and that's what gives me strength,I am also thankful that we didn't have kids,so I thank God I dodged that bullet.I am thankful in general,he can never be the person to be supportive when needed. Maybe someday,not now,but he has a lot of growing up to do and I am pretty satisfied with my development.

 

We have a cat that turned out to be "my cat" even though he brought her home so I wonder what's going to happen to her once I am gone.

[motleylou]

That's good insight AvonRepus on the whole why people act like d*cks after cheating. After I found out and asked her about it I was figuring I would get an apology and she would break down crying saying how sorry she was, but all I got was her saying " ya it probably wasn't my best move." At that point I almost lost it and knew I had to end the convo quick before the f bombs started flying. I never understood how she could treat me like that especially since I was a good bf and was never overly mean or possessive, I was generally just an overall good guy. It's not like I gave her a reason to treat me like sh*t and cheat on me. But now it does make sense after reading your post that she was more p*ssed at herself and in turn I guess tried to pass her guilt off on me. It's almost like she wastrying to place some of the blame on me to make herself feel batter. It's a really weird way to think and to act but it does make sense because that's exactly how she acted towards me. It's amazing how you think you really know someone, then they cheat and treat you like that.

[Mellie]

That's good insight AvonRepus on the whole why people act like d*cks after cheating. After I found out and asked her about it I was figuring I would get an apology and she would break down crying saying how sorry she was, but all I got was her saying " ya it probably wasn't my best move."

 

Hope you don't mind me saying so, but that sounds like one cold, calculating cow.

 

I'm pretty sure you and Avon can both do a lot better.

[motleylou]

Hope you don't mind me saying so, but that sounds like one cold, calculating cow.

 

I'm pretty sure you and Avon can both do a lot better.

 

HAHAHA don't mind at all, I was thinking the same thing myself. To top it all off my parents who were always so nice to her and let her stay rent free at their house for a month, they even switched rooms with us so we would have more space. She left without saying goodbye to them and then couldn't even bother sending a card or calling and saying thanks for everything. Then she randomly runs into my mom and still said nothing was a complete pos. I did send her mom a thank you card bc I always liked her mom and thought she deserved, and I got a nice letter back from her. I guess her true colors came out after all.