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im thinking about breaking up with my girl friend.


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So I will give you the story.


A long time ago, my x pushed me up against a wall when I was wasted and we broke up. My lady found out about it, and ended. I felt * * * * ty, but I knew I did something wrong, even if I was * * * * ed up, and so I accepted her decision and tried to move on. But she called me and said I was not showing enough pain, and that her last boy friend was really * * * * ed up when she broke up with him. So she guilt tripped me, and I thought she still loved me and wanted me back, so I came back to her. But one night after I said I loved her and wanted to marry her, she slept with my friend that told me about me and my X. I was devestated. It hurt so bad, it made me puke. It was horrible... she really wanted me back in her life though so we got back together, and to be honest with you I was a little upset about her sleeping with my friend, I really hurt, especially after I said I wanted to marry her. So I was a little bitter about that, and then she would not tell her parents we were dating, and was talking * * * * behind my back, and just doing a lot of other stuff, so I ended it. I did not want to be in relationship where I felt I was ruining someones life. She begged and begged, so I took her back. Then over the summer she went to work as fire fighter and I was going home to save some money and take her to belize with me before she started school. I wanted to show her I was dependable and worth her love. But then she called and said she had been having a really good time with a guy she was working with, and our past was crap, so she dumped me. ( a week after she said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.) I was so hurt. I think it was because it was another guy. I just felt worthless, and cheated, because I had forgiven her for so much stuff, and went through a lot of pain to be with her, and then she just throws it all away with out even giving me a chance.

She agreed to meet me at the end of the summer. We hung out, went for a walk, and it was like nothing happened. We slept together, and she called and said she loved me. I was still in love with her, and was willing to let go of the past, because maybe we were unhealthy and just needed a break. But then she was still texting the guy she left me for, after I thought we were getting back, and she took him home, and told everyone that he was her new boy friend. This really really * * * * ed me up. It was like she pulled out the dagger and then put it back in. Then she calls me and tells me she cant be with me because she cant depend on me, and basically poops on me. I dont really understand, because I worked really hard over the summer, was going back to school.... She is then back and fourth for a while. Saying she has to focus on school and cant be with me, but then he is also telling me she is in love with me. It was such an intense emotional time, it was like she was playing with my heart. We got back together for a while, but the past kept haunting me, and she was becoming close friends with a kid at school, and I was just getting freaked out. She never really said sorry for anything, and I was just so miserable and depressed that I had to end it. But she came to my work one day, after I had a tall boy, and begged and begged. So I took her back. Now she is being really nice, and maybe I can trust her, but I still have these images of her having sex with him, and the betrayal and everything and its eating me. The only reason i have not ended it, is because I felt bad for hurting her if I did, and I guess im just worried that maybe ill always miss her, and be more miserable alone, than I am now. Any advice. and thanks for reading. just needed to pour at my heart here. I guess im just scared of the unknown and that I will never have a connection with anyone like I do with her. But there is also part of me that just wants to be free. This has been so emotionally taxing on my poor young soul, I kind of just want to be free forever and never fall in love again. But being free almost seems selfish like im a jerk or something.

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oh and one more thing. She is now working out as a fire fighter with the guy she left me for, and is gone for about four or fives days at a time. When we are away it just kills me and reminds me of last summer when she was him.

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lol, yeah * * * * it. maybe im just not meant to be in love. maybe I should just be a lone. This girl has * * * * ed me over so many times, I aint saying im no angel, but ever since she left me for the first time, the only bad thing I have done is just acted defensively when she was disrespecting me.

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