:( confused and a little upset

[oneroad]

Well after him flirting with me and texting me and us meeting up last week and having a fab night etc... i asked him what he was thinking. This was the first time after we broke up that we actually had met up (7 weeks ago)

 

The answer i got was that he had a great night but he doesnt think the reasons why it didnt work will have gone. Well this really upset me as why come round to my house, let me cook dinner and have a great night. And when i say have a great night we did, we clicked as always and he was genuinely a lovely guy like he always was. Yes stuff happened between us but it was just as much my fault as his.

 

I got stressed out and panicked and said some things to him which i regret.... like i felt used by him. He was pretty upset by what i said but even better he said he was 'surprised that i thought he would change after one night - i clearly didnt understand the reasons why he was finishing things in the first place' The truth is i dont get the reasons why we broke up... it was all airy fairy and there were a few things mentioned like he was scared of getting hurt, he put barriers up, hes not adjusted to being in a relationship. There was nothing concrete however which i could take away and get closure from, he was very confused at the time. As a person he is also quite insecure and ive noticed this much more since we broke up.

 

So in an attempt to get my feelings accross, i wrote him a shortish note and emailed it to him... he text me back about something in my note but didnt answer most of the things i really wanted to know... like i wanted to know what the reasons for us breaking up were as i was confused and didnt know them and wanted to know where i stood.

 

He's not responded to my message.. its been 3 days now and i know he definitely got it. I dont understand what can be so hard to let me know why we broek up, after all he did mention it saying he thought i didnt understand the reasons for us breaking up and i deifintely dont.

 

So im feeling confused and if im honest upset. We also work in the same company and share some of the same friends in work so i cant just never see him again but i feel my only hope is to cut the contact and go under the radar as best i can.

 

Can anyone give me some insight into why hes behaving like this.. in particular not telling me his feelings? Also any thoughts on the situation?

 

Thanks

[hopelessincan]

because he isnt ready to talk about his feelings yet. he sounds afraid to me. i wouldnt pester him, be happy when youre wth him and let him bring it up. also sounds to me like he isnt ready to let you go.

[Bella4]

Well from my experience and a lot of things I have read... he sounds insecure, (he sorta sounds like my ex that broke up with me 2 weeks ago).. you can tell him you will change until you are Blue in the face, but words are just words.

 

"Actions speak louder than words" - show him you've changed. But by getting all upset and arsey about him using you is not going to bring him back, even if you're upset - don't show him that. Show him the girl who had a good night with him the other night. Build it up from there.

 

My ex recently broke up with me because of his low self esteem, and he opened up to me about things AFTER the break up, when I wished he'd have told me before so I knew. Men are strange, they hide their feelings because really.. I think they are as scared about getting hurt as much as we are.

 

I hope this helps you a little, good luck. And I'm happy you are seeing each other again - I dont think I will get to that stage with my ex.. but who knows. Stay strong.

[oneroad]

Well today is my birthday and i have to admit I am struggling slightly. My ex messaged me saying happy birthday etc... have a lovely day which was nice of him but we have not spoken properly in almost a week since the slight argument we had.

 

I've also not heard a reply from the message i sent him, so he clearly cant tell me what hes thinking or the reasons why we broke up. This confuses me as i always feel everyone deserves an exaplanation as to why something hasnt worked out, it cant give me one although he made reference to it no so long ago saying i clearly didnt the reasons why he ended things in the first place... yep he sure is right there!

 

Its tough as we work together and share similar work friends so i know ill be bumping into him at some point in work.

 

I guess all i can do now is leave things and go NC which i am already doing.

 

On another note ive been asked on a date next week. Half of me really isnt it the mood but the other half thinks i just go along and see.

[doiiiieeezie]

Have a great birthday for one. You will most likely hear from him again, but the time in waiting will get to you.

 

In the meantime, if you wish to go out on the date, go!... but if your heart is not into it, simply decline for now and just enjoy being single.

[oneroad]

I just dont get why some guys struggle with telling you there feelings esepcially on reasons on why we broke up, i do have a right to know! To be honest i doubt i will ever find out so i may have to live with it!

[Ms Darcy]

So, I don't want to hurt your feelings because I know how hard break-ups are, but you are only hurting yourself with this "he won't give me closure by telling me why we broke up."

 

1. You don't "really" care why you broke up. You want to "fix" whatever bothered him so you can get back together.

 

2. He has already told you why have you broken up with you. He's not in love with you. For whatever reason the "in love/attraction" is gone for him. The reasons he gave you ... not being adjusted to a relationship, he put barriers up ... are actually true in some ways. He has an emotional barrier and that is "his feelings." His feelings are not strong enough for you to continue to be with you.

 

The worst thing you can do to a person is to try to carry on a relationship with them when you don't really have that desire for them. Then you would start to get really frustrated with him right? He'd contact you less, be less sexual, less friendly, less affectionate, more distant. He would drive you crazy because his feelings have changed and you would be trying to work it out.

 

3. In the drive to get back together, we often forget about the other person's feelings. He left for a reason. That reason was his lack of feelings. And feelings do not change overnight ... so he has a point there. Doesn't mean he can't enjoy your company. Just means spending one evening with you isn't going to change his feelings and I suspect you getting upset with him confirmed the break up in his mind more than anything.

 

You are hurting right now. The best thing to do is cut him off as best you can, work on healing yourself, and give yourself closure. Best dear.