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Hi everyone this is my story. Read it if you would like to offer input.


In 2006 I was 16 years old and met Emily. We hit it off right away all through high school and into my college career. We were two hours apart but were able to manage the distance. I always put in a lot of effort to let Emily know how special she was to me, but eventually I stopped. I was also pretty mean to her, and after a certain incident where I said some extremely hurtful words she broke up with me. I begged for her back for about a week, then went through a no contact for about 30 days and finally apologized sincerely. This was 2009 and she ended up taking me back. We had another phenomenal time together for a little over a year. Over the past 6-8 months I have been addicted to an online video game with some of my friends from school. We would seriously play whenever we had free time. When Emily would call during the night like usual, it would make me angry and I would ignore it because I was in the middle of my stupid game. She told me she didn't know if I cared about her more than video games. I told her that I didn't know if I could bring her to my family after she got a neck piercing without telling me, and she said that the way I reacted was way out of line and that made her wonder how I would act if I was ever angrier. She also said that I didn't treat her like my girlfriend, and just a friend. 23 days ago she broke up with me for the second time.


I know that I have only mentioned the bad times, but we never got bored of spending time together. She has told me that I am the best friend she has ever had even compared to her best girlfriends. I told her I felt the same. To me, that is what allows a relationship to last forever. I am doing my best to figure out if I should fight for her or move on. My mother keeps telling me that it is unhealthy to only date one girl, but what if that one girl is the one girl? We never talked about getting married but we would both make small comments hinting at it without thinking about it. For example, around 3 years in I recall her saying she wanted our first boy to be named Ben. This means that she can see herself marrying me, and I feel the same. The only thing I would change about her is that she isn't as smart as I am. But I wouldn't change a single thing besides that about her. Is it really worth looking for that 10/10 when i have a 9.9/10?


I have written an apology letter that doesn't ask to get back together. I plan on giving it to her sometime next week. That would be around 30 days since I didn't contact her. She did, however, wish me a happy 4th of july and I did the same. Also, 10 days after our breakup she asked if I had thought about staying friends and I said it was too early. I forgot to mention earlier that she made sure to let me know that she wanted me to stay in her life as a friend. I told her that I thought it would be tough with our history.


Anyway, at this point I still love her and want to fight for her. I feel that the breakup strengthened my character and now I could make her happy. I have completely quit that video game I was addicted to (League of Legends), which will give me back the free time to actually put in effort again like I used to. I have gone through this before and I know that there is a good chance that I could fix this, but I would love to get some outside input this time around. My best friends don't have the best advice.


_______________________________________________APOLOGY LETTER_______________________________________________



Dear Emily,

It’s been about month since we have split up and I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you. I feel like I let you down and I want to let you know how it has affected me. To start off, I want to talk about the way I reacted with the piercing. You said that it bothered you that I acted that way, particularly since it makes you wonder how I would act in a more serious situation. I want to let you know that it was just about the worst situation for me to have to deal with because of some incorrect ideas I had about the whole thing. I would never treat you any worse than I did in that situation, ever. There would never be other instances where I treated you the same or worse. I made a huge mistake in the way I handled it. I lost sense of how you felt and acted selfish... really selfish. I was being way, way, way too self-conscious thinking that maybe my mom or friends wouldn't like it, rather than caring about how you or I liked it. The piercing actually doesn't bother me. In hindsight, I have a couple problems with thinking this way. Not only should I stick with your decisions all the way, but I shouldn't let other people's opinions dictate how I treat my girlfriend. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. You should be able to make your own decisions and have a boyfriend that respects that. I wish I had. I am sorry that I got so upset, but I would never lash out any more than that. It was a one time thing that happened because of my own problems. I am very sorry.

So for the past month I have been going through a huge lifestyle change. I’m actually pretty upset with myself for how I have been living in general. I felt really bored with myself, because I used to think that all my free time should be spent playing video games, and the rest with you. I don’t even know how I made friends at school or how Mike and Erik still hang out with me. Anyway, immediately following our split I lost interest in video games. I haven’t played them since then and it has only been a great change. I have decided that it was an addiction, and a pretty bad one. I usually thought that since I was good at them that I was supposed to keep playing, but I now have a better outlook. I always wanted there to be at least one game I was interested in, and I even planned around what games were coming out in the future. I told Brent that I wouldn’t be joining him anymore, and he said that it was probably for the best. I guess what I’m trying to say is that what has happened has made me want to quit video games; to kick my addiction. That’s right: I have quit video games. Maybe the biggest reason is that you said you didn’t know if I cared more about video games than you. I know what the real answer is, you, but there were times that my obsession with them clouded my judgment, changed me, and pretty much turned me into a jerk. Sometimes I would be hanging out with you and I couldn’t stop thinking about the next time I could play a game. I really do think it was an addiction, seriously. I always needed a “fix.” I want to make sure no one ever tells me that I care about video games more than them. In order to do this – I quit. For good. No more. Ugh. I wasted hours upon hours on them. I wasted my friendship with you. They kept me from going out. They kept me from meeting people. They kept me from being the best person I can be and it disgusts me to think that I let that happen. Most of all, they kept me from putting in the effort that I should into our relationship. I am looking back on most of our relationship, and I can honestly say that I think video games held me back from giving what I used to give. They started to take over my view of our relationship like a virus. They slowly crept in stealing away time and effort. I want to make sure that they never do that to me again. Since I stopped playing, I have gone out and met people and rekindled friendships. I am more sociable and I introduce myself to people rather than sit in my corner like I was accustomed to. It has made me pretty happy, in the end. I am definitely sure that it was the right decision. I think you need to know all this. If we are friends again, you can take comfort knowing you won’t have to deal with it again. I am a better person because of it, and I am the biggest jerk for not doing it sooner. I am also a jerk for letting it get to the point where you thought games were more important than you. You were the most important thing in my life, Emily. I mean that with all the sincerity that I have. I am appalled that I didn't show it. I stopped calling at night because I was on my stupid game during any chunk of free time I had. I didn’t greet you when you got home because I was stuck at my computer. I seriously used up all the time I could on them, which is just plain stupid. God I would hug you every time if I could go back. I feel like such an idiot. I really do… l hope that we can soon be best friends again because then I will actually be able to be the one to call to talk. I could be the one to text first for once. It wasn’t right for me to let my relationship fall behind my gaming. Can I say sorry again? I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.

I am upset with myself for not showing the world how much I cared about my girlfriend. I don’t know why I have had such a problem with what other people think, but it kept me from holding your hand and doing romantic things. I really enjoy romance, so it bothers me just how much I care about what people think. I apologize for not letting every guy that saw us be jealous of how much I loved you. You were my girlfriend and I should have let everyone know that you were the best girlfriend ever. I should have held you tighter since people were watching, but instead I barely held you. It was a huge mistake, and I am really sorry, Emily. I didn’t see you as just a friend. You are so kind, so attractive, so loving, and I love doing special things for you. I had the attitude that I had done enough special things, and that you would be satisfied with our relationship. I think my gaming addiction played a huge part in my lack of input to the intimacy. My attitude couldn’t have been more wrong. I should have let you know each and every day that you were the best girlfriend, and my best friend. I am sorry that I didn’t put in more effort. I realize that you deserve 100% from a guy, and I just didn’t do that. The truth is that nothing mattered unless I had you to share it with. I should have let you know back then that you were the only one that could make me feel the happy and quirky feelings that I had. People would make me laugh or say nice things to me, but I would just look at you and feel good. I am truly sorry that I didn’t let you know that every day. You weren’t just a friend, Emily.

I know that I did these terrible things and acted like a jerk on multiple occasions. I hope that going through this breakup will strengthen my character and allow me to change for the better like I did the first time we split. I miss what we had, Emily. I am coming to accept it. I want you to be single and see what the world has to offer. Seeing you happy makes me smile, so I want you to go on and be as happy as you can be. In one sense I am glad that you did this because it would be tough for me to know that you were feeling any regret. I want to be mad at you for breaking up with me out of nowhere, but in one sense that is very honest of you. I want you to know that I feel like I am a better man - for the second time haha. You have had such a big impact on my life, Emily. It has been a great impact, too. Do your best to find what you are looking for. I only ask that you think a little about how I have explained I could have done better. I’m sorry this is the only way I was able to figure that out. For the time being, I am doing my best to move on. I am really going to miss loving you. Man… I really am going to miss you. I hope you find what you’re looking for.



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I have not read your letter because even before that, I think you should just go straight to her (phone) and tell her that you are ready to work for this relationship to happen, but that you are in a turning point of your life when getting back together would only create a rebound, so you'd rather work on yourself a little bit more before commiting again to this new phase.


You grew up, I believe so too, but as soon as you find the comfort of living with her again, you're making a pact with the devil. You'll get just as lazy and will not work well on your joint problems. I recommend that, just like your mother said, you go out with more girls first. Do this before it's too late. This is your challenge. If you can reach level 3 (now level 2) before she gets back with someone else, you win. If you don't get that level before, you have to wait... and the queue may be long, very long. My bet is that you'll be back to playing video games by then but you are the sole master of this situation and so you can decide it for yourself.


Keep me in touch if you choose to go my way.

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