Permission to go on a trip?

[Banana9erl]

Hi

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 months now, and we are both in our late 20's. Today, I spontaneously planned a weekend trip with my friends in September. I told him as we were making the plans, but since the window for the airline sale was so small, the trip was booked within 10 minutes. I thought I was being a good girlfriend by telling him in advance.

 

However, he got upset with me. He asked when we were going on a trip. For the past month or so, we've been talking about planning a big trip out of the country together. Earlier in the week, he said that we should sit down this weekend and discuss planning the trip. So I told him, we'll plan the trip this weekend.

 

I emailed asking him if he was upset, and he responded by saying that he's been holding back on planning trips with his friends because he knew we were going to plan a trip. He said that he "sees" how it is, and that he'll just book a trip with his friends whenever he wants, that "if this is how its going to be, then its the way we work" that "it's my life, and I just do what I want to do".

 

Obviously he's upset that I didn't discuss this spontaneous trip with him before I booked it. I didn't think I needed to ask him for permission to go on a trip, but it kind of feels like I should have. What could I have done differently to avoid this? Is he overreacting or am I just a bad girlfriend?

 

Any help or insight would be great.

[DN]

I don't think it is a question of permission but I can see why he is upset if you were going to plan a weekend together and this trip interferes in some way - it looks like you are putting him lower on your priority list.

 

It would have better had you discussed dates for your trip with him first - it's not long until the weekend.

[Lastchallenge]

Id be upset too... poor guy

[midnightdeirdre]

I told him as we were making the plans, but since the window for the airline sale was so small, the trip was booked within 10 minutes.

 

Do you mean the price of the trip was cheaper than usual, and that's why you and your friends had to book it right away? If that's the case, you should tell him that. Otherwise, it's understandable that he's upset that you jumped into a trip with your friends instead of him, when he was putting off his own friends for you. I think you should apologize and do something hugely special just for him to make up for it.

[midnightdeirdre]

Id be upset too... poor guy

 

Definitely. Tossing him aside was pretty mean.

[Banana9erl]

Well, this weekend trip shouldn't interfere with the big trip we are planning on, as that one should be about 2-3 weeks long and much later on in the year.

 

But I do think you are correct, he probably does feel like I am putting him lower on my priority list. We've had this issue before where he has felt this way.

 

What can I do to fix this? I've emailed him saying that our future trip together means alot to me, and that the only reason why this weekend trip was booked so quickly as opposed to our future trip is because this is only a weekend getaway and there was a short window for the airline sale. He still seems upset after all this...

[DN]

We've had this issue before where he has felt this way.

Which probably explains why he is so upset now. Once is explainable but twice seems like you really don't care much.

 

What happened that time?

[shadowbox3r]

It's not a matter of permission but respect. When you are in a relationship with someone it isn't a "me" it's a "we" and for you to expect him to be OK with you planning things without talking to him first basically says his feelings don't count. Considering this isn't the first time it has happened either, I can see why is he is upset with you. At this point, he probably figures why should he put your feelings first or even consider them if you can't or won't extend the same courtesy. This is why couples get pissed at one another because one or both people forget that they are part of a unit, not single anymore. If you want the freedom to do what you want when you want, then don't be in a relationship. Otherwise, learn how to communicate and put your partner first before your own personal interests. That's the difference between a relationship that works and one that doesn't.

[Eocsor]

What can I do to fix this?

Lingerie and some kinky sex works wonders as a way to say you're sorry.

[thejigsup]

Sorry, I'm on your side. You are in a relationship, not a prison. You are not canceling your trip with him, you are going away for a weekend with some friends! He sounds kind of insecure and clingy to me. Go and have fun and tell him you not need his permission to live your life, nor does he need yours.