After a bit of warmth tonight

[donpeel83]

Ok, so with regards to the title. Ive been feeling low this last week, ever since 2 saturdays ago to be more precise. That is when I found out that my ex was seeing a former lover, though she was adamant the relationship was plutonic.

 

Now, the thing that keeps going through my head is when I last saw him on facebook he had added several people who were mutal friends of my ex and I. Sure, they were her friends and I befriended them as we started to date but still, I did have a relationship with them and it felt so strange and hurtful seeing that as it basically told me one thing....she os moving on or at least trying to.

 

Now, I have tried to maintain No Contact as best I can. We did speak between Tuesday and Thursday of last week which was when she confessed to hacking my facebook account and I replied with a lengthy email on the Wednesday evening which I said allot of things I was desperate to say but felt I didnt have the strength to do so. Anyways, we havent spoke for a week and I keep, in my mind, going over the fact she is with someone else now and that our connection is dead. Whilst I dont know for sure she is dating the guy, and she did say they werent an item but just being there for each other, it keeps playing on my mind and I know it shouldnt. I still stupidly long to be with her which I know is wrong. For anyone who has read my past threads etc, could you please offer some advice for me for dealing with the current lowness around her moving on just some support for long term happiness etc?

 

Thanks guys xAx

[Ambiguous X]

Get back to training. NC means NC not NC as best you can. Her ex and her broke up once before...history shall repeat itself. You are now a free man! Rejoice.

[donpeel83]

Thanks for the feedback. I think you might be right, the likely hood is the revisted relationship with an ex who once broke her heart has more chance of failure than it does of being a success. At the same time however, i realise it might work out for her. The thing that gets me is I reviseted some of my previous posts from last July onwards, so nearly slap bang on a year ago and I sound so unhappy in the relationship ive just come out of. If thats the case then why am I struggling to let go?? xAx

[dramallama]

So, let me get this straight. SHE broke your trust and disrespected your privacy by hacking into your facebook account, yet instead of changing your password and blocking her and then changing your profile settings, you used that as an opportunity to confess your feelings to her?

[donpeel83]

I have changed my password and settings and she is very much blocked. With regards to the email, not once did I say within the content of it that I wanted her back or wanted to give us a second go. The reason I sent it is i didnt feel I had the strength to talk to her either face to face or over the phone when she called me and had a go at me at the content of mypersonal emails on facebook. So, i felt that it was something that had to be done. It did help though hirt still lingers as does an underlying desire to have my old family life back.

[dramallama]

But still, she broke your trust and privacy, and instead of ignoring her, you confessed your feelings? That is very disrespectful of her and she deserved nothing more than ignoring from you, but instead you basically gave her a big ego boost.

[donpeel83]

But still, she broke your trust and privacy, and instead of ignoring her, you confessed your feelings? That is very disrespectful of her and she deserved nothing more than ignoring from you, but instead you basically gave her a big ego boost.

 

Sorry for sounding harsh but whats your point?

[dramallama]

You need to man up a bit. Get some confidence and learn to never ever grovel to someone that has not only dumped you, but broken your trust. Kick her off the pedestal in your mind.

[donpeel83]

You need to man up a bit. Get some confidence and learn to never ever grovel to someone that has not only dumped you, but broken your trust. Kick her off the pedestal in your mind.

 

I know your right mate, and I wish I could.......just not finding it that easy.

[dramallama]

I know your right mate, and I wish I could.......just not finding it that easy.

It is hard at first, but it does get easier over time.

[donpeel83]

It is hard at first, but it does get easier over time.

 

I know your right mate. The thing is I have been having other woman showing an interest in me (hate saying that as it makes me feel like im being egotistical) and to be fair, these other woman are more attractive then my ex (a view shared by friends and family who have seen them and know my ex) but still im looking at things with rose tinted specs and casting an image in my mind of my ex being some "stunner" when she is anything but.

 

Tis funny how our minds work at times. I know within the next 6 months i'll start to embrace the fact my life is better without her. I do think one thing that hekps me is knowing how my ex is when it comes to putting barriers up and struggling to let people in, and I know this has led to previous relationships falling apart. I know she herself is unlikly to change these character traits as 2 (now 3) failed relationships are behind her where she dosent want t have any time to self reflect and accept her own short comings, and I think (as harsh as this sounds) what gives me comfort is that she is taking those same counter productive traits into a new relationship with a guy who once before left her high and dry and broker her heart. Surley a recipe for disaster would you think not? I know before you say anything I shouldnt be concerning myself with this, and these notions are foolish but at times they help.

[donpeel83]

Anyone?? xAx

[Snuggly]

I know she herself is unlikly to change these character traits as 2 (now 3) failed relationships are behind her where she dosent want t have any time to self reflect and accept her own short comings, and I think (as harsh as this sounds) what gives me comfort is that she is taking those same counter productive traits into a new relationship with a guy who once before left her high and dry and broker her heart. Surley a recipe for disaster would you think not?

This is totally one of my most comforting thoughts. My husband has 3 failed marriages, due to lack of communication, self centreness and cheating.

 

I know this relationship he has now will fail for the same reason. He has already started to revert

[MissSMcc]

i understand wanting your ex's new relationship to fail, mine is currently seeing a girl he got with after dumping me, and i hope she crushes him. but after that, he will meet someone else, and maybe that won't work out either. and the next, and the next.... so when does it stop? when do we finally let go of wishing our ex's pain and hurt in the new relationships they form and stop caring, or day i say it, wish them well. either way, unless you intend in reconciling with your ex, we have to get past it somehow. neither of us are there yet, and i don't know how or when we will be, but i wish us both all the best

[Snuggly]

Its not so much I want his relationship to fail. Its more selfish than that, I want confirmation that it wasn't just my fault. At the end of both my major relationships, both my partners refused to take me out anywhere. Then as soon as we split up, they started partying til dawn with other women. I just fancied a movie, dinner, drinks - nothing excessive. But both said by the time they got home they werent in the mood. Ever.

 

Part of me wonders whether they just hated going out because it was with me. And that its fun with other girls. But both reverted in a short time to becoming couch potatoes again, which sothed my bruised ego. I like my ex. In fact, he always told me there was something wrong with him inside, but he didn't know what. When I finish my psychiatic training, I wrote him a complete profile explaining the source and nature of his issue and recommended treatment (1 week ago). He was really interested, cried a lot and is really thankful. I would love him to become happy. I just wished it could have been with me.