I can't forgive myself.

[qanju]

here's the story; enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=387462&p=4876510#post4876510

 

To cut it short, i lied consistantly to the girl i loved deeply and hadn't realised what i was doing at the time, and i regret everything i did, and she didn't deserve it, she loved me loads and i took her for granted... I don't even know what im asking here, just it's been 2 weeks no contact and she hasn't really contacted me. And i had a really bad day thus was tempted to check her facebook, in which i did today, and she's really happy with her 'rebound' if it is one due to the short time between, also noticed in some new photos she isn't wearing my bracelets or necklaces anymore when she said to me she really valued them and this was after we had broken up(we ended things on good terms).

 

A part of me is glad that she is happy and i feel like i deserve this much pain. From her stringing me along afterwards, i deserved it all. I accept that i should feel like this much hurt from hurting her. But i'm finding it hard to even forgive my self...Also there's a part of me that want's her back, because i truly am in love with her and i would never make the mistakes i did again, but even if i got the opportunity, would i even deserve her? she also finds it hard to talk to me due to her feelings coming up for me so shes masking them by using this new guy and from hearing that, and that completely destroyed me, i don't want her to feel like that, i wish she could forget about me.

 

I'm just really confused, and feel like i should just drop dead, then i can't really hurt anyone again.

[charity]

if you have truly learned your lesson then something good has come out of the break up and chances are you will NOT make the same mistakes again with anyone else. you will forgive yourself at some point but it will take time. i guess now is the time for pain and guilt.

[Bella4]

I'm sorry you're hurting - but at the same time, this is how we learn from our mistakes. Over time, maybe she will forgive you, and then you can forgive yourself.

[qanju]

she was my first love and first serious relationship, i dont think i will be able to ever forgive my self

[Eocsor]

she was my first love and first serious relationship, i dont think i will be able to ever forgive my self

 

Well that is your burden then. But once you get out of the self pity stage that will change. You F'ed up and you lost out because of it. So unless you learn a lesson, it was wasted time. Your next relationship can be a really great one though if you use what this breakup taught you.

[qanju]

i know what i'v done and i know i would never do the same things again, she has forgiven me but can't be with me, and i have accepted that. i wasn't looking for pity from anyone really, just needed to type it and let it out. Just knowing you hurt the person you loved hurts considerably

[Lastchallenge]

Go nc for your own good brother.... that's the first step to recovering and moving on ..... we've all been there and o can promise you that you will find someone better ... trust me