If you get a Second Chance....Get the hell out of Enotalone GBT forum!!!!!!

[Amarte]

Ok, this is what i have noticed...there are many people posting very good advice, but there are just as manny posting pessimistic assumptions that will only make you more insecure and very likely sabotage your chances of success. Because if you are here getting advice, chances are you are a little insecure, and the least thing you need is people making you more insecure. My advice is to "fight" for what you want (it worked in my case initially, because the break up was MY fault, although I was the dumpee) and please take things SLOW once you restablish contact, and dont react emotionally to things the other person says at the very beginning. Treat it as a fresh start with a new person. Dont allow others to get you insecure, because being pessimistic will only give you a negative outcome.

[tresqua]

It's too bad there isn't a feature built into this forum that allows a user to block unwanted negative advice even if it's spot on, because they're insecure and hearing what they really need to hear because it's useful and factual is too much for them to handle because they're in denial and they would prefer to continue to make bad decisions because it's less painful then doing what they really need to be doing to get on with their lives.

[tattoobunnie]

It's too bad there isn't a feature built into this forum that allows a user to block unwanted negative advice even if it's spot on, because they're insecure and hearing what they really need to hear because it's useful and factual is too much for them to handle because they're in denial and they would prefer to continue to make bad decisions because it's less painful then doing what they really need to be doing to get on with their lives.

 

Right on! Being an Enotalone user for the past three years now has been so completely cathartic. Everyone on this board even when they coddle me or kick me the butt has been so supportive. I love it honestly. It's help me to dissect unhealthy relationships, understand myself, and honestly grow. I do get into a spat with some members here, but I do appreciate their opinion.

 

Anyway...I came on here a broken, devastated and lost individual, who's now planning a wedding during the Year of the Dragon 2012!

[Seraphim]

I agree, almost every poster here has good intentions and has value to what they have to say unless they are a troll out for reactions.

[Huntress0527]

Tresqua is spot on. I don't think of it as a pessimistic viewpoint or advice. It's more realistic advice. It's only considered negative because the person doesn't want to hear that it may not be a good idea to get back together. They want to hear, "oh congrats! everything is solved and will be ok now." Sorry most people that get back together don't stay together because a lot of time the issues that made them break up go unresolved. I have always lived by once an ex you stay an ex. People just have a hard time letting go.

 

That's just my .02.

[endy]

The thing is a lot of people on the GBT forums are advising you on successful reconciliation. Not HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK. That's not the point of these forums. The point is to learn, grown and be a stronger person for YOU IMO. If there is a good chance at reconciliation the majority of posters on here will usually say go for it, and advise how the best way to do it is in their opinion. The truth is successful reconciliation just really isn't that common. By successful I mean lasting... until like marriage or years later.

 

I don't advise reconciliation when there is cheating, lying, abuse or anything of the sort involved for example because that is not love to me. Both people need to learn, grow, and change in most cases. Are their exceptions sure... but I don't believe there's many. Also that's for the OP to decide after posting and thinking about it for awhile.

[mhowe]

I have to say that one of the reasons I'm hanging around is to give back the support I received or just read about....and I am in 3rd month of what appears to be a successful reconcilation. Which never would have come about if I hadn't found this site and realized that I needed to "let go with love" and move on.

[JerkBrokeMe]

Ok, this is what i have noticed...there are many people posting very good advice, but there are just as manny posting pessimistic assumptions that will only make you more insecure and very likely sabotage your chances of success. Because if you are here getting advice, chances are you are a little insecure, and the least thing you need is people making you more insecure. My advice is to "fight" for what you want (it worked in my case initially, because the break up was MY fault, although I was the dumpee) and please take things SLOW once you restablish contact, and dont react emotionally to things the other person says at the very beginning. Treat it as a fresh start with a new person. Dont allow others to get you insecure, because being pessimistic will only give you a negative outcome.

 

Unlike the others, I agree with you completely. I'm not back together but I find this place can be so full of angry, negative people just waiting to take it out on someone. Even IF their advice is sound there are many that will still say it in an obnoxious way. Anyway, I'd like to hear your story.

[tresqua]

Unlike the others, I agree with you completely. I'm not back together but I find this place can be so full of angry, negative people just waiting to take it out on someone. Even IF their advice is sound there are many that will still say it in an obnoxious way. Anyway, I'd like to hear your story.

 

I'd like to see a half a dozen of those posts by "angry, negative people" so we can see if the advice they provide is really that bad or if it's a matter of it just not being something the recipient is able to listen to because it's just too painful and not what they were expecting to hear because of their denial due to the grief and shock of the breakup.

 

How about bringing some of those posts over here? Should be easy enough, it sounds like they are all over the place..

[MakeItCount]

Unlike the others, I agree with you completely. I'm not back together but I find this place can be so full of angry, negative people just waiting to take it out on someone. Even IF their advice is sound there are many that will still say it in an obnoxious way. Anyway, I'd like to hear your story.

 

You gotta realize though, when you ask for advice, you'll get different sorts of advice. Some people are jaded because theirs failed, some people just don't believe in trying again. In some cases, it's CLEAR that noone's made any significant changes and the relationship is doomed to fail again. Like tresqua said, MOSt of those negative comments come about because we can all see the situation, see it's unhealthy, and try to make the person realize there's no point in trying.

 

There's a difference between being jaded and negative, to being realistic and giving an objective view. Lots of posters here have gone through this crap many times and can see the warning signs. It's clear who's just pissed off at the world and who's wise of the world.

[Brownstone322]

I think, as it was originally conceived, that this forum was intended for the very pont in time that you're suggesting that people tune out -- during the actual "getting back together" phase (which, despite what some people want to claim, happens all the time). But no doubt it has evolved into a "Broken Up: How Do We Get Back Together?" forum, which isn't quite the same thing.

 

Anyway, I think most of the advice here (literally meaning "more than half," but not necessarily much more than that) is pretty useful, albeit a bit monolithic. You, after all, are ultimately in control of your decisions, and every situation has its own dynamics. That said, you'll see a lot of "You're broken up for a reason" or "It wasn't meant to be" or "NC! NC! NC! NC!" without regard to the actual circumstances, and that's not likely to be very useful.

[iBroken]

I have to disagree with the pessimistic and negative OP.

 

Most of the negative posts come from the posters inability to listen the first time around. A Lot of negative posts are based on a posters interactions with their ex where it has been made clear they arent interested but poster pushes and chases and hurts. People sometimes need to be blunt to get the truth/point accross.

 

Everyones situation is different. Some get back together, others dont.

 

My blunt posts are from experience. Not because I am negative

[nattpanter]

This is a resource, just like your friends, books, music, movies etc. It`s not a step-to-step-plan guide on how you should live your life and what to feel about things. That in the end will always be something you have to decide on your own.

 

When I have a problem in regard to a relationship Im like a swamp when it comes to second-opinions, info and experiences...however, the final decition I never give away to anyone else. That is mine, when Im ready to follow through and I feel I know what the right thing to do is...