Can anyone interpret his actions? : s

[curious987]

So my ex boyfriend, who's broke up with me nearly 11 weeks ago has been doing some weird stuff.

 

So about 2 weeks ago...he started doing this turn around. He went from seeming to not care about me, to suddenly caring. He tried to kiss me a couple of times in the last couple weeks. He speaks to me EVERY day on facebook chat, and we really get along well.

 

I still love him and want him back. But I'm acting cool about it. I haven't asked him to come back to me, and I'm not reinforicing that I love him. But I have told him. I think he broke up because he didn't feel like I loved and appreciated him enough.

 

But now he is talking to me everyday. And a lot of the time we make flirty comments to eachother. I have made it clear to him that I will not be doing anything sexual with him, or any other guy, unless I'm in a relationship with them. And he knows that thats how I am, so I feel pretty safe, in that I know he knows he can't use me.

 

He does sometimes have a dig at me. He has made random comments like "Next time you should try and be a better girlfriend", and "You don't care about me at all", and when I told him I loved him he called me a 'liar'. But HE broke up with ME.

 

I dunno I'm quite confused as to whats going on. What does it sound like to everyone else? Does it seem as though maybe he's interested in geting closer again....but he's worried things will go back to the way they were? As in, him feeling unloved and unappreciated? I've told him he loves me, and he still talks to me everyday, and tells me that he values my opinion and cares for me more than anyone.

 

I'm confused as to what his intentions are.

[ForumGuy]

The "next time you should try and be a better girlfriend" is somewhat guilt ridden, but does indicate that he wants a "next time". If you want to find out what his intentions are, you should think about backing away from him. It is almost certain he will come chasing, and when he asks you what is going on, tell him just what you said in your last sentence...."I am confused about what your intentions are".

[HeartGoesOn]

How can he see and feel the consequences of breaking up with you, while you're right there in front of him?

[tresqua]

If you really love him and want him back then stop communicating with him on a daily basis. At the moment you've got him right where he wants you. Friendzoned, accessible, and on a string.

 

Go live your own life, hang out with other people, break away from this person who dumped you and has so much power and control over you, and don't mistake this for anything other than FACT. You are his puppet and he is pulling your strings. Break the chains that bind you. (I'm in a metaphorical mood today can you tell?)

[curious987]

Haha, not a bad metaphor ; )

Yes you're all right. I know he misses hanging out with me and just being around me in general. We were like bestfriends as well as partners. And I do think it's a little unfair for him to be having digs at me about 'being a bad girlfriend', considering he never sat down with me and spoke to me about what he wanted and needed from the relationship, and what he wasn't getting, and how it made him feel. He told me nothing and gave me no chance to make amends. And they were all very fixable things! Which makes it rather frustrating.

 

But yeah, at the moment I guess you're right, in the sense that he still has me 'there' just as much as he did when we were in a relationship (not physically). We didn't speak much for the first month or so. I cut communication. It's only been recently that I've started to respond, and now he's initiating every day, using any excuse he can to start the conversation. I suppose I need to make him realise that he has 2 choices: a) if he wants me to move on, and if he wants to move on, then he needs to stop contacting me so much, or b) if he wants to talk everyday and be just as close with me as we were when we were together, then I expect him to try at reconciliation. If that makes sense : s

 

I don't want to be AS close with him as we were when we were together, if we're not together. He can't have his cake and eat it too : P

[loulee]

"I think he broke up because he didn't feel like I loved and appreciated him enough."

 

Perhaps you both would be best to actually address the reasons why you broke up to start with as you dont even seem so sure as to "why". And another important thing, is if you are both considering getting back together, then maybe you both could talk about resolutions and changes that perhaps you both need to make to ensure your relationship is far happier with much better open communication next time, should you both reconcile...good luck!!

[curious987]

Yes I agree. That is a must. Everything needs to be put out on the table, and we both need to understand what the other wants/needs from the other. Otherwise the same thing will happen over again.

 

He asked me tonight if I want to hang out with him tomorrow and go for a walk. I'm a little nervous. But it should be interesting and hopefully a positive step forward