I NEED advice on what i should do.

[rozeG]

Hello, my name is Alyssa and me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and 4 months. He lives somewhat far from me, like 30-45 mins away from me and has no car (but working on it) and has a job that pays fare, but needs it to buy a car. We have worked out a plan to save money by only seeing each other on the weekends. Its working fine now were we are okay with it.

 

In the beginning of our relationship, like most, we were perfect. As time passed by things got a little shaky. Me personally, I am a very open person. I have gotten hurt many times due to the fact that I fall in love some what too fast. With him it was different. He treated me like I was a queen. I loved it like any women would. i've made my mistakes and i was willing to not only change for him, but to change for my self as well. So I am, Slowly. When we had our first huge bump in the road, thats when it hit me that i NEED to change to better our relationship. Once I started to make changes, He got worse. He wanted to be the person "contolling" our relationship. Now, whatever he wants me to do, i have to do it in order for him not to get mad because when he gets mad, nothing gets fixed. So i do, but i am also a women who stands up for herself. I also have an anger issue that i am trying to fix, but with him treating me like crap, its hard to do so. I am a person who, whenever there is something wrong, i wanna fix it by talking. When i do so, he turns it into a fight because he thinks im "picking on him". I think our relationship is unfair for me, I do so much and put so much effort to keep our relationship healthy, and he does so little. He does treat me (sometimes) how any women should be treated and i love it so much. But when there is something bothering me about anything in our relationship, i want to talk but i cant because it feels like he doesnt want to deal with it. That also triggers my anger.

 

I NEED advice on what i should do. PLEASE

[littlestar]

If you can't talk about how you feel openly in a relationship then there isn't much of a relationship to start with.

[Swindon010]

Hi, it sounds like a similar problem with me and my girlfriend. Me and my girlfriend both get angry, but I'm also trying to change for the sake of my relationship. I think you should talk to each other, and explain the stuff that annoys you about each other. If you get angry, I'm sure you probably say stuff that you don't mean, I do it all of the time, and I'm sure its the same for him. If he didn't care about you, he would of just left. Just talk to him about it, if he loves you he'll be willing to try and change for the sake of the realtionship. If you got on at the start, there is no reason you can't now.

[katien]

Maybe just give him some space in the meantime. Do you live together?

Perhaps if you feel like youre not in the best mood, take time for yourself and dont call him till youre ready. If you phone him and he sounds as if he is not in the best mood, end the phone call quickly. My problem is I cannot stand up for myself in an argument with my boyfriend so I commend you for being able to. Just choose your arguments wisely. Maintain some distance for the next week or two and see if things improve.

[rozeG]

Again thank you all for responding. i really appreciate it.

 

I have talked to him about like how he feels and everything, and he has tooken it seriously sometimes and he has told me that he wants to change but its going to take some time. I understand that completely. but it has been like over 4 or 5 months now nd it seems to me like he doesnt care. We had a fight last night because i felt like he was treating me like crap and it didnt make me feel good. So i askd if we could talk and again, it ended up in a fight. He said it himself, "Why should i listen to someone thats * * * * * ing at me". Thats when i got mad. And it didnt end well. we both hung up. he textd me later that night and it was like an apology text. that lightend me up alil. then on facebook he put, "cant sleep, still thinking about what i did wrong, i love u baby". i loved that. but when i woke up today he just was in a bad mood and i understand that, so i askd him if he wanted to talk about it u know just to like clear things, and hes back to his ways again.

 

what should i do now?

[katien]

I think sometimes when you constantly try to talk to your boyf about problems, its just seen as nagging (hate the word). Have you tried taking your attention away if he does something you dont like. Try to be sweet and nice but firm and maintain a little emotional distance. Im not suggesting game playing, but if talking about it never results in long term changes its worth going about a different approach?

 

Instead of asking him if he wants to talk about it, I suggest you wait for him to get in touch first, and if he does sound like hes still in a bad mood, make the phone call short and ask if he can call you later as you have to get back to something. If hes in a bad mood and youre giving him your attention, you are in a way, rewarding him with your attention. If he doesnt change, change how you respond.

[xiRoCb294]

I think he's tired of you wanting to talk about your relationship problems so often... try and make your conversations more positive and light. Make him laugh, make him happy. If you've already tried talking to him about the problems, then he KNOWS. There is no need to keep bringing it up again and again. That gets tiring and annoying on anybody's shoulders. If you see that he continues to NOT make any efforts to change, then there's nothing you can really do about it if he doesn't care enough to. But nagging him about it constantly will not motivate him to change. It will just make him angry and annoyed with you.

[rozeG]

Thanks to everyone it really helped