NC BROKEN by her, but i made a mistake to! advice now?

[No1her]

Ok so broke up with the ex in september, didnt really stop talking until the beginning of June. she broke NC on the july 4th. So in a nutshell, we were together for 3 years, it got to hard, started to fight alot, trust was minimal and we broke up, which u can read about here:

 

She has a new boyfriend, she cheated on him twice with me, I started getting texts from him b/c he knew something was up, so i told him she cheated on him... Twice. this happened the end of May. I got a hate tirade text from her on June 2nd. I texted her a week later, then emailed her a few days after that on the 12th with no response to either. Then i saw here out once at a bar, but neither of us said anything to the other. Then I somehow managed to stay NC until what im about to tell u happened. Honestly i do not even know what day of NC i had been on when this happened but heres what happaned.

 

July 4th im at my buddies for a bbq. his gf who hes marryhing in 3 months(who im the best man of) was also there. she is friends with the ex. the ex is now roomates of the best friends gfs friend. yes i know very hard to follow. and very intertwined. the ex and the roomate decide to showup at the bbq i wwas at. knowing i wasw there. no hi or anything is said to one another. me and my buddy in one room, her and them in another. but still only 10 feet apart. as the night progresses she starts to glance at me. the beer is flowing for both of us, but i just let her look. then she continued to do it alot more. it went from every 10-15 mins to every prob 3-4 we started making eye contact. still not real dialogue between each other. she goes home with her roomate, and as she walks out looks long and hard at me. I leave shortly thereafter. I get home feeling pretty decent. she texts me and says wanna come over? i say no she then says i want u to though. i say sorry. so i know up to this point i am golden. im doing exactly what i should be doing. i said for what? she says just to talk. shes insisting on wanting to meet up. im starting to waver. she then says its hard to be in a room with u and not talk etc. eventually i go. Its weird for a minute then we just smoke a cigar chat about a few things, a few minor flare ups about heav he said she said stuff. then we begin to flirt. everything i say shes eating up. im making her laugh, all is going good. at this point im prepared to talk and then leave when were done talking. never really told her i missed her b/c i know that would be a dumb idea, and didnt really give her too much info bout my life. Again I start to Waverrrr. she makes a couple passes at me and then i end up kissing her. we eventually have wild sex and i stay over, right under her roomate girlfriends nose. the next morning we have sex all morning and she starts the typical, im sorry what did i do why did i do this, which i saw coming. me having seen this 3 times already each time she cheated on him. get annoyed and say fine im leaving. as im leaving she says why are u mad, y r u like this and gets upset. i say almost nothing and i walk out and tell her to have a good life. this was tuesday mornning. no contact since. I will most likely see her again at a mutual friends bday in 10 days which to be perfectly honest... I expect her to try to sleep with me again. I know i shouldnt have went there, even after i did i know i shouldnt have slept with her. but the truth is i feel pretty good right now. I know its just a feeling and i will prob start missing her in another day or two. but what advice do u guys have, what can i do, what should i do etc?

[ForumGuy]

Well, you are eating the no commitment cake. I think I would feel good about it too, if I were just in it for the sex. You can't see it as anything more than that. This girl has no problem cheating on her boyfriend, which used to be you. If you are feeling good about it, just enjoy the sex and don't look any farther than that, because there is nothing out there with her.

[No1her]

thats the bittersweet part, if shes doing it to him, than how do i kno didnt cheat on me. She repeatidely over and over and over, even in front of a therapist while i was with her, said she never cheated, and she said it unprovoked. i still love her to death, and i dont know the answer to if she ever cheated on me or not, I do think even if she did tho i could proably... : x Forgive her. and idk if this did anything it kinda gave me hope with her again, b/c it really seems like we are never not gonig to be in each others life in some capacity, no matter how hard we try.

[ForumGuy]

You're right, it is bittersweet. Sorry for spreading salt on the wound, but unless I missed something, the only reason the current guy knows she cheated with you, is because you told him. Nothing worse than having someone you love break your trust. I know people who love someone so much that they would "forgive them a thousand times" for whatever they do, I am just not one of them.

[endy]

Ummm ok so you successfully attracted her. If they can cheat WITH you they WILL cheat on you. I wouldn't get back with her... You can forgive her but keep away from her. Keep it purely sexual and if you can't handle it ignore her. Why would you want someone that behaves this way? People don't change unless they realize it's wrong and sorry to say, but this girl is not a lady. You should find something better. You will never know the answer for sure if she cheated or not. She can tell you whatever she wants to get whatever she wants. Someone like this girl will usually lie. Look what happened when she cheated with you! People are who they are. You need to accept her for who she is. Seriously you decide when you're going to have sex with her, and that's it. After you've had enough of it move on.

[Dlar]

She doesn't sound like someone you could have a stable relationship with, so for you it's great.

 

you get the attention from her, the no commitment sex etc.

 

For her bf it's * * * * , but if he knows shes cheated TWICE then more fool him for staying with her.

 

What ever you do, I'd advise not to get in a relationship with her as it could just all go wrong again.

[No1her]

yea the only thing is, its not so cut and dry. I cant just have sex with her, for now and for a wihle my feelings are going to be there, i wish i could just not care about her and be ok with the casual sex, but i feel something stronger toward her. I guess thats my answer then, i shouldnt be continiuing the sex with her. I have questioned the b/f tho and why he didnt really care twice when i told him and provided evidence. he got mad and hurt i know but almost right away a day or two later they were back together. I know its proably dosent even make a difference, but she is very flirty, and the cheating she did do to me, if it in fact did happen, which as i said i really dont know. was def not sex it was a kiss or making out. not judtifying it but that would be my guess. Ive never cheated on anyone and i never would, i feel very strongly about that sorta thing, and was raised that way, but me and her did say if we ever did with anyone it would be with each other. so idk if this is a product of that or just her being who she is. butttttt aside from all the cheating talk, knowing i still have feelings and even kinda still wanna work things out, how should i react next time the oppurtunity presents itself???????????????

[Dlar]

But, she's cheating on him... How you can be so sure she didn't cheat on you?

 

I would also never cheat as I care about other peoples feelings too much. Hell I stop my self getting serious with people because I'm scared of hurting them if it doesn't work out. Breaking up with my ex-ex was the hardest thing I ever had to do and never want to be in that position again... Cheating on someone would make me feel even worse!

 

I thought my ex was better than she was, "She wouldn't do that, so I'll believe these silly storys she tells me" - Turns out I was wrong and was walked all over. This has left me feeling weak and a complete mug, but it will only make me stronger!

 

Walk away now, give her space and if she comes back, splits with the current bf then you have a descision to make, and only you can make that one!

 

Just don't mug your self.... ;-)

[No1her]

i appreciate the input dlar. i guess an ultimatium would be my best bet, b/c as i said this will happen again. im sure sooner rather than later to. teling her no, would probly really put me in control. I asked her several times over the last 9 months or so, if u cheated just let me kno, and itll be easy for me to move on, shes said moving on is all she really wants me to do. so why wont she tell me if she did anything. I think she wants to have that backup plan tho, or shes tellnig the truth and she did not do anything at all. i really dont know. I do feel as though i did a good job of showing her i dont need her, with the walknig out and not saying much, and not giving her any of my info with other girls which she was trying hard to get from me. I may very well realize at some point how dumb it would be to get back with her but im not quite there. i do know tho that im better than her, but i still am in love with her.

[Dlar]

I'm the same mate.

 

I kept asking her if she was seeing someone else "No, I love you, why would I be seeing someone else?" this went on for a while, my suspicions got worse and worse.

 

She stopped talking to me, said she had a lot on her plate etc etc I asked her again, Is there someone else? Just tell me and I will leave you alone

"No, theres no one else!" was the reply.

I then asked "If its over between us why wont you tell me?" reply "Did i say it was over?" well give me some fooking clues!

 

In the end I basically told her to leave me alone, deleted her number and asked her to delete mine. A few days later, I find out off her friend she is now with someone else lol. And guess what... I got blamed for it all "He told me to delete his number, so i had to move on" I'm sorry, but people don't move on that easily if there wasn't someone already there.

[endy]

If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you. You did fine with walking away and continue to do it. Don't give her the time of day anymore, actually don't give into it. A lot of people have casual NSA sex, but the problem is there's strings here and you're still somewhat attached. Take back all the power, let her lay in the bed she made for herself for awhile. She obviously does want a backup plan.

 

I'm going to say this once more, people treat you how they have usually treated others in the past. So with that said, there's probably a pattern, there's probably a history of this behavior over and over. You don't really know that because you aren't her. Do you want someone you have to take a chance on, or someone you can trust completely?

[No1her]

to answer the last post from page 1, the new b/f told me himself that they started talking in september, so i kno she wasnt cheating with him or anything like that, if it did happen at all, im sure it was an isolated thing. Me and her sex is also intoxicating, she lovessss my sex and everything i give her, she told me mine was the best shes ever had. so as i more so then not agree with the fact that if shes doing this to him then she most likely did to me, like i said i really dont know. I guess for now i will just go on living my life nd when i hear from here ill evaulate and decide than.

[endy]

Sex in a relationship is a part of the relationship. Most women would rather have a man that emotionally understands them and can listen to them more than great sex. It doesn't matter what she's done with him or with you. The fact is she cheated on him with you. If she can cheat on someone else she can cheat on you... It's as simple as that.

 

Me and my ex had great sex. She orgasmed multiple times every time we had sex. That didn't prevent her from going behind my back and talking to her ex again. Basically emotionally cheating on me. Example given. I'll ask you again, do you want someone that you KNOW is capable of cheating, or someone that you don't have to question? If you want to get back with her so be it, but can you really trust her? Answer it honestly, and then you have your answer on what you should do. That is... without love goggles on... find someone a hell of a lot better.

 

I do understand where you're coming from, but we say things like you did above to justify our feelings. I've done it, I bet everyone on this forum has done it at one point. Ultimately we all make our own choices, and then are responsible for those choices. You're going to do what you're going to do. Best of luck.

[No1her]

endy i understand, i do. Thnak you

[dramallama]

So she broke up with you in September of last year, and you've only been doing NC since June of this year? Why did you stay in contact for 9 months afterwards for a CHEATER?

[stuka80]

i say keep boning her man, just dont expect a relationship from her, or at least one that is meaningful.

[No1her]

well like i said i dont know if she actually did cheat on me. we stayed in contact b/c neither one of us could let go of the other person. we still hung out alot and did things. i know tho that i shoulda maned up and let her go long before i did.

[No1her]

having alot of thoughts of her today, will see her at a party in a week, miss her. thinking i will just continue to play it cool, and hardly talk to her. this right here is me just kinda expressing myself, and venting. : /