Heterosexual Women Who Grew up With a Homosexual Mother

[BMP2CPM]

Hello,

 

Any women out there who are heterosexual who's mom is homosexual?

 

I've noticed my significant other has absolutely no boundaries when it comes to men. She'll hang out with other men, do things with other men. Yesterday she came home wearing an iron man medal that her male co-worker won a few years back. She's getting into triathlons, so he gave her his medal for inspiration. If this were high school, it would mean they were going steady. Yet, she's completely clueless when certain behavior with men isn't appropriate. She acts all innocent. By most women's standards her behavior would be unusual.

 

I wonder if it has to do with her childhood? Growing up, her mother was a lesbian who wasn't out. I imagine if men hit on her mom she wouldn't have behaved the same way a heterosexual woman would to an unwelcomed advance. Her mom's reaction would be different, since there was a 0 percent chance of anything happening with a guy. And this response was learned by my significant other.

 

Any women out there who are heterosexual who has a mom who is homosexual? Do you have any boundary issues with men? Thanks in advance!

[rosephase]

What is wrong with this guy giving her a metal for inspiration? Are there other things going on? Because that seems pretty above board to me. Have you told her it makes you uncomfortable?

[charity]

you'll have to give more info because the example you gave is not a big deal at all and it just makes you sound insecure and ....possessive

[lukeb]

I don't get how having a lesbian mom has anything to do with your boundary issues with your partner. Like what was said before a friend giving her a medal for inspiration seems very above board. There is nothing wrong with a friend helping you be the best you can be, the opposite actually. It is ok for her to have friends who are closer to her than you and the other way around. We all have different interests, maybe you are not so much into triathlons as your partner friends can fill in that gap.

[agent1607307371]

She'll hang out with other men, do things with other men

 

I can't lie, this does not say "has no boundaries" to me. It just sounds like she has friends who are men.

 

Is she sexually inappropriate? Does she flirt past the line?

 

 

Growing up, her mother was a lesbian who wasn't out. I imagine if men hit on her mom she wouldn't have behaved the same way a heterosexual woman would to an unwelcomed advance. Her mom's reaction would be different, since there was a 0 percent chance of anything happening with a guy.

 

And this doesn't logically follow. An unwelcome advance is unwelcome. Whether you're straight or not has nothing to do with how you'd deal with it.

[Moontiger]

It sounds more like you have insecurities then she has boundary issues.

[tiredofvampires]

These points are stated as facts, when the truth of the matter is that this is totally arbitrary, and depends on the couple and individuals IN the couple.

 

I've met men (and dated men -- such as my ex, to an extreme degree) who seem to believe that they have some absolute truth about what constitutes "appropriate" behavior. I was made to answer for innocent association after association with male friends, given the third degree, and told that I had "boundary issues." You do realize that there are couples that allow opposite-sex friendships completely openly and trustingly, that don't subscribe to your definition of boundaries?

 

The only time this kind of behavior becomes an "issue" is if two people are not on the same page. You don't sound compatible and I suspect this relationship won't be able to hold up to this enormous difference of values. I came to an epiphany after my last relationship that some people value jealousy. Others, like myself, value NOT having jealousy.

 

If you value someone who reigns themselves in to cater to your possessiveness, lack of trust, and jealousy then this is not going to be your girl. But there ARE girls who are equally inclined the way you are, so those would be better matches.

 

I personally have decided never again to date someone with the mentality that says if I get close to other males platonically, I'm crossing a line. Getting a medal for inspiration from a friend is a loving and warm gesture. Why would you not want your SO to have that kind of support in her life? Why do you feel the need to close that off for her? Maybe you'd like to examine that over time, but be prepared that this will drive a wedge in sooner or later that will probably become intolerable to both of you.

 

And I think it has NOTHING to do with her mom being homosexual. I think if she was raised in a more liberal environment (as I was, around sexual mores), she'd be more likely to want freedom to interact with the opposite sex, whereas if she was from a conservative background that frowned upon these connections as much as you do, she would be indoctrinated that way. I came from a family that was sexually and socially liberal-minded, so I think that's influenced my values about having a socially laissez-faire relationship. But my parents were both straight, and I'm monogamous, so this is purely about not wanting someone to own me.

 

I only regret how many times I've violated my own needs in this way to appease jealous boyfriends who managed to convince me that my attitude was crazy, selfish, "artsy fartsy" (among other derogatory labels), socially unacceptable, and that I had PROBLEMS I need to address as ISSUES.

 

Done with it. These things are completely subjective. Unless she is lying to you and sneaking around (which she may wind up doing just to avoid what she perceives as unreasonable, even if she's not cheating), this is a mismatch issue.

[Ariel85]

Wait - you think she's some kind of tart as a result from having a lesbian Mom because she came home with a medal that a coworker gave her for inspiration?

 

I don't think she's the one with the problem here.

[bulletproof]

Yesterday she came home wearing an iron man medal that her male co-worker won a few years back. She's getting into triathlons, so he gave her his medal for inspiration. If this were high school, it would mean they were going steady.

 

But this isn't high school. You're both adults and there's absolutely nothing wrong with someone giving her a medal. And furthermore, even if she was cheating on you left and right, it would likely have very little to do with having a mother who's gay.

[Day_Walker]

It doesnt sound like she has boundary issues, it sounds like she is just being friendly.

[FathomFear]

I've noticed my significant other has absolutely no boundaries when it comes to men. She'll hang out with other men, do things with other men. Yesterday she came home wearing an iron man medal that her male co-worker won a few years back. She's getting into triathlons, so he gave her his medal for inspiration. If this were high school, it would mean they were going steady. Yet, she's completely clueless when certain behavior with men isn't appropriate. She acts all innocent. By most women's standards her behavior would be unusual.

 

Do you have, uh, other examples to support what you're saying? Accepting a medal as a good luck charm is completely and utterly harmless. If she decided to kiss him for good luck or something I might understand where you're coming from, but until I hear more background info I would say you're just overreacting. I suspect you're uneasy in the relationship and are just looking for things to gripe about.

[Ms Darcy]

What a strange and ignorant (I don't mean that to be mean ... just as in lacking knowledge about homosexuality) question. As others have pointed out, her actions are harmless, and even if they weren't what in the world does that have to do with a gay mom. That's just so backwards! I don't understand the logic.

 

What's going on with you dude?

[BMP2CPM]

Honestly none of your advice was helpful. I was asking specifically for heterosexual women who's mom was homosexual. Did anyone who post here actually grow up in that type of environment? It certainly doesn't sound like it.

 

The example I gave with the metal was just the tip of the ice berg. Also, do you posters have any idea the amount of work one does for an Ironman? It's not a metal to be given up lightly.

 

Much, much worse stuff has happened with her boundary issues in the relationship. She's done things that would make most men leave her. Things that I would rather not talk about. Yet all her actions seem to be related to boundary issues with men. When your significant other is spending more time with male friends than you, you kind of take it as a warning flag.

 

When I tell my female friends the details, they're kind of shocked by her behavior. But, that's not really the focus of the post. I'm trying to find out if her childhood causes her to have boundary issues with men. I'm just trying to understand. Is that so wrong?

 

After all you harsh responses, I don't see why I should give anymore examples. Thanks for the judging and male bashing. I thought this was a helpful forum.