LisaRoseP Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Ive have spent the day in my bedroom where I can imagine that my life is different. I am so sad because I know what I have alway wanted most likely will never be. Men do not like me and The possibility of one loving me is as good as me being able to fly. I dont want to be here if I cannot be loved by a man. I feel like a bad apple who should be thrown out. Because I am a human I cannot be thrown out and I am forced to stay here amongst all the good ones and just watch them being chosen. To top it all off I am to stop whining and be happy about it. But Im not! Im not happy about it. I am happy to see other people happy but why should I accept that Im nothing? Its been so long. I am 42 now. How much longer can I bear it? I was so pretty when I was younger and smart and I had talent. Are some women just not loved? I had all that when I was younger and it wasnt good enough. What will I do when I dont have that anymore? I cant bear it anymore. Link to comment
bichin Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Date older men because they tend to appreciate their woman more. Link to comment
Iakasot Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 You've never dumped any guy when you were younger? Link to comment
TakingtheBlame Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Have you never dated a man? If not, why do you think that is? Link to comment
Melting Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 How long have you been single for? Link to comment
NightLily Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 What are you doing to put yourself out there and to work on your self esteem? Also, 42 is not the end of the world. You can still be feisty, sexy, and talented. You are not old at all. Just remember that. Link to comment
LisaRoseP Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 To everyone, I haved never dumped a guy because I have never had a boyfriend and if I did I dont think I could "dump" anyone. Part of the reason I think I have not dated is I couldnt reject anyone. I cant handle anyone thinking I do not think they are good enough. I have never had a boyfriend and frankly I think I was misplaced in time. No men care that I was smart or that I had talent. I think men thought more highly of women a long time ago and now we are objects and nothing more. I dont even know what im saying anymore. All i know is im doomed. There is nothing you or I can do about it. Today in this society i am trash and expendable. I will however voice my frustration and sadness over it because i am still breathing Link to comment
TakingtheBlame Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 To everyone, I haved never dumped a guy because I have never had a boyfriend and if I did I dont think I could "dump" anyone. Part of the reason I think I have not dated is I couldnt reject anyone. I cant handle anyone thinking I do not think they are good enough. I have never nad a boyfriend and frankly I think I was misplaced in time. No men care that I was smart or that I had talent. I think men thought more highly of women a long time ago and now we objects and nothing more. I dont even knlw what im saying anymore. All i know is im doomed. There is nothing you or I can do about it. Today in this society i am trash and expendable. I will however voice my frustration and sadness over it because i am still breathing That doesn't sound very productive. Why not spend your time and energy becoming a better you and finding reasons to leave your room, rather than using time and energy to voice your frustrations regarding things that aren't true? Link to comment
NightLily Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Maybe you are looking in the wrong places? It is true a lot of guys place value on their girlfriends based off of how they look but some do care about her interests and intelligence. Maybe you could try a book club or something similar off of link removed like a board game group. It might not work but you will have a much better chance meeting like minded people. Also I don't see what this has to do with you breaking up with others in the past. This has much more to do with your self esteem and possibly being overly sensitive to the feelings of others. A man will not crumble if a relationship doesn't work out with you. Trust me. A guy worth your time will pick up and move on and is aware of the risk when he gets involved. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 To everyone, I haved never dumped a guy because I have never had a boyfriend and if I did I dont think I could "dump" anyone. Part of the reason I think I have not dated is I couldnt reject anyone. I cant handle anyone thinking I do not think they are good enough. I have never had a boyfriend and frankly I think I was misplaced in time. No men care that I was smart or that I had talent. I think men thought more highly of women a long time ago and now we are objects and nothing more. I dont even know what im saying anymore. All i know is im doomed. There is nothing you or I can do about it. Today in this society i am trash and expendable. I will however voice my frustration and sadness over it because i am still breathing LisaRose, I am 46 and single so maybe I can relate. But 42 is not old! Truly, it is not! Now, I WILL admit the dating pool gets smaller as we age, but people do find love later in life. Look at all the people that entered into second marriages in their 40's and even 50's. I admit, we are not the norm to have never married in our 40's, but still..... please do not say such terrible things about yourself! What kind of men do you like? Where do you go? Link to comment
mad rabbits Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 There is so much more to life than having a partner and the longer you spend investing your energy being sad over what you haven't got you will be depriving yourself of the time and opportunity to explore other things that can bring satisfaction. You say you are smart and talented so dedicate yourself to a passion. Link to comment
LisaRoseP Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 If I became the first woman president or made millions of dollars and lived in a mansion while I spent my retired years painting great paintings and writing bestsellers I would be beneath the woman living in a hut with little to eat but is surrounded by love from her husband and children! I would have rather lived 30 years with at least 10 knowing a man loved me than 85 knowing I never was. Link to comment
NightLily Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 If that is how you feel, you need to look for a partner more aggressively. You have never dated before so you have never given it an honest try. Now is a great time. In the summer there are often free concert events and many of those are frequented in my area by people in the 30-60 age range. I can think of a lot of options for you.. here are a few: -book clubs -church groups if you are religious or a local atheist/humanist group -farmer's markets -free concert events -link removed -online dating is always an option -you can browse around here: link removed -there are even some forums for special interests groups that do local meet ups if you want to do that Link to comment
Iakasot Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 This quote is taken from another topic by you which I have read: Thanks again for all the kind words and useful advice.I just have this overwbelming need to be wanted.I dont want to have to pursue someone for a date. I want them to want me first and sadly no one wwho i have been aattraacteed to did. Im just scareedd now because women are left alone. And this quote is from this one: To everyone, I haved never dumped a guy because I have never had a boyfriend and if I did I dont think I could "dump" anyone. Part of the reason I think I have not dated is I couldnt reject anyone. I cant handle anyone thinking I do not think they are good enough. I have never had a boyfriend and frankly I think I was misplaced in time. No men care that I was smart or that I had talent. I think men thought more highly of women a long time ago and now we are objects and nothing more. I dont even know what im saying anymore. All i know is im doomed. There is nothing you or I can do about it. Today in this society i am trash and expendable. I will however voice my frustration and sadness over it because i am still breathing What I'm confused about is you saying (paraphrased) "no one I have been attracted to pursued me for a date". Have other guys pursued you for a date? Because if no guy was ever interested in a date, wouldn't you just say "and sadly no one pursued me" instead of "no one i was attracted to pursued me"? Also, you said you've never rejected anyone, which leaves me a bit confused. If there were guys who were interested in you in the past, I think it's a bit unfair for you to say "all men don't want me". You're also being unfair to yourself in feeling low self esteem, when you just have high standards of attraction and otherwise there's nothing wrong with you. Yes, please do clarify. Also, exercise is good for everyone, try joining martial arts classes, they're a fun way to connect with people (and usually there's lots of guys in them), vent out your frustrations, and improve your physical fitness. I personally recommend Brazillian Jiu Jitsu. Link to comment
TakingtheBlame Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 If I became the first woman president or made millions of dollars and lived in a mansion while I spent my retired years painting great paintings and writing bestsellers I would be beneath the woman living in a hut with little to eat but is surrounded by love from her husband and children! I would have rather lived 30 years with at least 10 knowing a man loved me than 85 knowing I never was. Well, your first problem is that you feel that way. Love does not bring happiness, and odds are if you look to love to make you happy, your partner will sense that and run away. A healthy person does not want to be someone's whole world. You may think that the whole "love does not bring happiness" thing is cliche but I can assure you that it is very true. That said, I really truly believe that anybody who wants a relationship badly enough can find one, so you have to figure out what it is that's holding you back and try to work on that. I've never met someone who didn't have a glaring issue (e.g. painfully shy, reclusive, obese, picky) and just simply couldn't find ANYONE to date. Link to comment
LisaRoseP Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 I am not sure what to say. I do not put myself in the category of women who are wanted. If men in the past have approached me it was because they wanted to get somewhere. I was pretty when I was younger. Years of neglect have damaged my looks. What I meant about men I was not interested in was that men only talked to me because of my looks and that told me they didnt care about me. A long time ago men had to keep those kinds of feelings in check but today women are so willing to accept that. Men basically are having a field day today and women who are not receptive are now the losers. When I was young every comment I got from men was for my physical looks. I really dont know what to say or what im thinking. I am just so tired of being alone and I hate hate hate modern society. Even when I was a teenager I hated it. So it has nothing to do with age. I feel like I could post forever and nothing will be solved. I have been struggling to be wanted since I was a teenager and I am still struggling.I just dont know why he hasnt come along? Link to comment
LisaRoseP Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 I feel hopeless and deserving of my fate. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 A lot of what you say sounds really vague to me. But unfortunately, you don't sound like you have a lot of love and affection in your life, which is unfortunate. Love comes in many forms - from friends and family. Do you have connections in that way? Also, I have found that the more I take care of my body (some makeup or at least washing my face, exercise, foot baths, body soaks, body oils and creams, nice and well-fitting clothes) makes ME feel good about me and increases my sensuality. If I let my body go, I don't feel great. You should consider that no longer neglecting your physical body anymore. Good luck. Link to comment
NightLily Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 You don't seem to be receptive to any of the advice so far and so I am wondering if the problem is bigger here. To me it really sounds like you may be suffering with depression that has been ongoing. At this point, if it is at all possible for you, you may want to speak to a therapist. You need the tools and drive to actually get out of this hole if things are going to get better. Link to comment
LisaRoseP Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 I feel very hopeless right now. I feel very silenced like Im trying to say here i am and someone is covering my mouth so that no one can hear until im dead. Till then i have to live in torment and just serve all the worthy women in the world. And i damn well better have a smile on my face when i do it. Because the valuable women are the winners and the trash like me are nothing Link to comment
NightLily Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Wow Lisa you have extremely low self esteem. I'm not sure if you are just in a bad mood and venting right now or if this is actually how you tend to feel. Repeat these to yourself: -I am not trash -This is not a man's world where my only value is my looks -Decent men exist who will value me for my personality and interests -I have the power to change my situation I know what it is like to feel like a piece of worthless trash and really believe it. When I got out of an abusive relationship that was absolutely what I was feeling but it just isn't true. You need to make a short list of your positive traits without focusing on what others have and then write two small things you can do to make things better. One can be getting an appointment for talk therapy or going to work out for 20 minutes three times a week. Link to comment
LisaRoseP Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 All I can say is thank you to everyone who has replied to my post. Thank you for trying to help. I have felt this way since my teens. You can at least feel that is a long time to be feeling this way. Maybe you can understand my frustration. I have tried everything numerous therapists medicine hypnosis self help books affirmations makeovers everything. I am just not wanted by men and I cry almost every night because of it. I always reach out to web site forums that might help me but im losing hope and i am beyond sad tonight. I have no one to turn to. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 No one can help you. We can be only be the catalyst for you to help yourself. What have therapists said? Link to comment
LisaRoseP Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 They have tried to find out why I feel this way. They cannot help me because no one and no thing can make people love you if you are not meant to be loved. I feel like one of those who is not meant to beloved, but I am breathing and I am somewhat human I guess and I am voicing my displeasure over my circumstances Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Ok then. It sounds like you are more interested in maintaining your way of thinking. Good luck on that. Link to comment
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