Girlfriend not very affectionate the last couple days?

[solost85]

Thanks to anyone who reads this and tries to help! I will try and make it short, but there is a lot of back story.

 

I'm 24, my girlfriend is 26. We have been together for almost a year. We both have been in 2-3 serious relationships before us, and we have both agreed that "our past relationships are like a joke compared to this". We just get alone, and click emotionally and physically on a level that neither of us thought was even possible. Well anyways, the last 7 days or so she has been acting not very affectionate. She is not a very affectionate person in general and I know this. This is partially because she has dated some VERY bad guys in the past. Well with me she says "i love you" more than she ever has, and she's even told me shes "found a part of myself that I thought I lost" because she can be emotionally open with me. But this last week has just been a little off. Our sex has dropped a lot, usually we mess around 2-3 times a day and its been like that our entire relationship. (were just very sexual people). But in the last week we have only done it like.. 1-2 times? I know people are going to look at that and be like " * * * thats nothing to be worrying about", but for us its just off. Also when we kiss.. its like shes not even there.

 

Its hard to explain. its like shes not as passionate as she has been. I know she would NEVER cheat (long story but trust me, she wouldn't). And I know im the best guy she has ever had by far, because she has told me. "I've never felt more happy and more secure and more myself that I am with you", so I don't think shes cheating.. and I don't think shes falling out of love.. so what gives???? I know her period is starting soon so i expect her to be acting different... but.. I'm not sure. things just seem different. I HAVE ASKED her..."Is everything okay? you seem like there is something wrong.. are we okay? and she always says "yes, if there was a problem I would tell you". so.. am I just worrying about nothing? a little insite on me- I do worry/stress/get anxiety about DUMB stuff. I worry a lot about nothing. so i'm thinking maybe thats it.

 

i'm just worrying about nothing.. but she has seemed different. we live in an apartment together, but this week i'm house sitting for my parents and their dog. so yesterday we didn't see each other, and today she said she cant hang out because she has a ton of homework to do, so I was like... "well will i see you tomorrow??" and she was like..."maybe, if I get enough stuff done". I mean what the heck? 3 days without seeing each other? it seems like she just doesn't miss me at all... I just feel like something is off. But like I said, I've asked her. and shes not the kind of girl to beat around the bush. if something is wrong she would say it..... so what the heck is the problem? I don't want to keep bugging her asking "whats wrong? you okay? we okay?" because I feel that would annoy her. so what should I do??? Thanks guys/gals

[tresqua]

We both have been in 2-3 serious relationships before us, and we have both agreed that "our past relationships are like a joke compared to this".

 

Everyone says their past relationships weren't as good as the newest one. You can write that one off to "selective memory" or because it just sounds good to say it. Odds are if your relationship fails she'll be saying the same thing to the next guy and you'll be saying it to your next girl.

 

We just get alone, and click emotionally and physically on a level that neither of us thought was even possible.

 

Yes, everyone in a "good" relationship says that too. Usually only in the beginning though. But the beginning can be the first few months or even a few years of a long term relationship.

 

Well anyways, the last 7 days or so she has been acting not very affectionate. She is not a very affectionate person in general and I know this. This is partially because she has dated some VERY bad guys in the past.

 

Lack of affection is a red flag. You've known her a year, your opinion as to the reasons is nothing more than speculation regardless of what she may have told you.

 

Well with me she says "i love you" more than she ever has, and she's even told me shes "found a part of myself that I thought I lost"

 

How do you know this? Do you have recordings of her with her past boyfriends? Because once again.. that's something that lots of people say. Sort of like the joke that goes like this: "Yes of course I'm a virgin, how come all you guys ask me that question!"

 

because she can be emotionally open with me.

 

Do you honestly think she was emotionally closed to the other 2 or 3 serious long term relationships she had?

 

But this last week has just been a little off... Also when we kiss.. its like shes not even there.

 

Well of course that's a huge red flag. Could be some personal issues, could be her feelings about you changing, could be another guy. I'll get to your rebuttal of that last possibility in a moment.

 

I know she would NEVER cheat (long story but trust me, she wouldn't).

 

I don't trust you and I don't trust her. Every betrayed partner says the same thing. Sometimes even when they catch them in the act! "He or she would never cheat on me, he was running towards her and he fell and her penis fell into her vj by accident".

 

And I know im the best guy she has ever had by far, because she has told me.

 

Oh, well I guess that clinches it then since she told you that and she can't possibly be LYING?!.

 

3 days without seeing each other? it seems like she just doesn't miss me at all...

 

I'm going with "she's got someone else" or as a close second she's bogged down with personal issues.

 

I don't want to keep bugging her asking "whats wrong? you okay? we okay?" because I feel that would annoy her. so what should I do??? Thanks guys/gals

 

Yes it would annoy her and drive her further away. You really can't do anything except give her space, keep your eyes and ears open, maybe do a bit of detective work if you're sure you won't get caught, and prepare for the worst so you don't get completely blindsided. At some point let her know you're intentionally giving her space that she seems to be looking for but you're concerned and you're here to help if she needs you.

[solost85]

Thank you Tresqua.. Thanks a lot for breaking down all of that and giving me your thoughts. I GREATLY APPRECIATE it. I think i'll do what you said. just give her some space, keep my eyes and ears open, maybe some detective work. As for her ex's.. I would have to sit down face to face with you and talk for hours to fill you in on all that. but basically........she had her highschool boyfriend which was her first love, and i've met this guy.. total S head. druggy, not in school, barely works, just a total D bag. and she said thats why the broke up 10 years ago. then she had a couple boyfriends that were mentally and physically abusive. she's told me storys about them and its horrible. she refers to them as the "worst bf's you could imagine." which I believe. then her last boyfriend before me was gone literally 80% of the time. He would travel for work and he was always gone. and my girlfriend, and even her family have told me he was nice.. but he was always gone, and he would never open up and let anyone in emotionally. One time my girlfriend said he was gone for like 2 weeks, they went out to lunch because he was leaving a couple days later, and she told him to his face.."look I don't even know you". She stayed with him simply because it took 0 effort. they never argued, because they never talked about anything important, and she always felt alone even when he was around. thats some of her relationship history. I literally treat her like gold. So I know her ex's for a fact have been D bags. Not sure if that will hep you. THANK YOU again for your help! I really appreciate it.

[Whathappened1607307853]

Sorry, I have to agree with Tresqua 100% on this one. Steel yourself, this sounds way too familiar; hopefully it's the "she's bogged down with personal issues" column and not the "she's got someone else" column.

[idrmartin]

I am in a similar situation as yours (see Mixed messages=confusion), but yours is tamer and much less time than mine. I don't think a week is any big deal. She could have a lot going on, and other things on her mind. If she's still acting this way in another 2-3 weeks, I'd be more concerned. In the meantime, don't push for answers, just give her some breathing room, be there for her, and see what happens.

[WockaWocka]

I tend to agree with T as well, it seems like she's pulling away. The false reassurances are a bit worrying too, if she can't open up to you or even acknowledge what's going on.

 

She stayed with him simply because it took 0 effort. they never argued, because they never talked about anything important, and she always felt alone even when he was around.

What this tells me is that she's highly capable of living in denial while in a relationship. Not a good sign.

 

But it has only been a week, give her some space and time for a while and keep your eyes open.