Chance to get him back how should I proceed?

[jessicajones]

Hey and thanks to all who read this.

I am due to meet up with my ex soon. We broke up 9 months ago (his decision) and haven't seen each other for three moths. We were together for 3 and half years and towars the end we just argued and argued so much that he had enough. I had had enough too but didn't want to be alone so I was really sad about it at the time. He also said he was unhappy about me putting on weight - about two dress sizes which is something I also was very unhappy about. I was comfort-eating. Anyway after the break up I ate healthily and exercised and lost 3 dress sizes I am a size 6 now, back to how I was when we first met.

 

Haven't seen him since I lost the weight. In addition I haven't felt like my old self in ages. When we were seeing each other we were stuck in a rut and we were both grumpy and angry with each other all the time towards the end. I now feel happy and like my old self again. I have had a couple of minor relationships but nothing serious. I felt like I was over my ex until he suggested we go to an open air gig together next weekend. Now I feel nervous and as if this is my ONE chance to get him back.

 

Any thoughts on how I should proceed?

[Eocsor]

First and foremost, what makes you think he wants to reconcile?

[sidehop]

Proceed with caution; you don't know his exact intentions nor you losing weight doesn't guarantee anything. You've come this far to feel good about yourself, if anything keep the momentum going and don't put all your hopes into him.

[tresqua]

Don't do the whole clingy, needy, desperation thing. Treat your meetup as nothing more than old friends swapping some anecdotal stories and maybe laughing and crying about the past. If he wants back in he'll let you know but as the poster above me said, there's no reason to assume this is a "chance" at getting back together, he might not be considering that in the least.

 

9 months..wow. I'm sorry you're still grasping at straws after that amount of time, and congrats on the weight loss.

[jessicajones]

First and foremost, what makes you think he wants to reconcile?

 

It's because he also suggested we spend the night in a hotel - obviously separate rooms - as the gig goes on til late. I am as yet undecided on whether to book a room or whether to leave earlier and get the last train home

[Eocsor]

I'd take the train home. Too much chance of a booty call otherwise. As stated above keep it lighthearted and see where it goes. Don't put all your hopes on this though. You've made huge strides for yourself and don't need this relationship to feel good about you. Best of luck.

[jessicajones]

I'd take the train home. Too much chance of a booty call otherwise. As stated above keep it lighthearted and see where it goes. Don't put all your hopes on this though. You've made huge strides for yourself and don't need this relationship to feel good about you. Best of luck.

 

Yeah this might be the best option then I don't come accross so desperate. If he wants to take things further he has to TELL me!

[wicked6018]

well, it really depends on what yall fought about as to whether or not yall should try again. if it was just small, petty things yall fought about, then it could work again. If you fought about things such as he cheated on you/vice versa, or he was down right mean to you/vice versa, etc., then why would you even want to be with him? Also, it sounds like he made you feel bad that you gained weight, which isn't what somebody in love should do. if he truly loves you, he wouldn't care how much you weighed. it's one thing if you gained a TON of weight and he was concerned with your health, but two dress sizes? If your weight is a reason yall broke up, then i'd say he is no good for you because if he truly loved you he'd love you at any size and work with you, stick by you and help you to lose the weight.

[jessicajones]

Hi

We just argued about petty things. I gained a bit of weight and my self esteem suffered. I became less interested in sex as I didn't feel attractive. We argued about that amoungst other things. So it wasn't just because I ganied weight it was the consequenses of the weight gain. No cheating or any thing like that involved . So do you think we have a chnace? If so I will make him work for it!

[lucklou]

I hope all goes well for you, i've just started month 8 post BU, My story is very much like yours, he wanted some 'space' after 2.5 years together, no other factors, i have dropped two dress sizes since my 'wake up call' as i to was in a comfort zone.

 

I work with my ex so see him once a week sometimes more, things are still awkward between us, i'm not pushing him, i'm NC, i see it as a good sign that he can't even manage a hello, maybe i'm wrong, i feel content and while i would like us to reconcil it is not my main focus, i am my main focus, you have to remember that also.

 

Fingers crossed for you! x

[Ms Darcy]

Do you feel attractive now? Is the weight still there? How is your self-esteem?