From NC to LC/NIC, and now back to NC again?

[Nirvana1986]

Greetings all,

 

I have been broken up with my ex for about 3.5 months, close to four months. She got with someone else rather quick, about 3 weeks after we broke up, and I implemented NC since the first day they went official. 2 months passed and she tried to get in touch with me again, it kind of surprised me because when I unblocked her number after 1.5 months I was sure she wouldn’t try to get back in touch after being ignored. Anyway, we then shift from NC to LC, mostly initiated by her, for the last month or so. I figured I would try the Nonchalance approach with the LC. I would wait for her to make contact and then I will respond politely, but short and cool at the same time. She has no idea I still have feelings for her, and we haven’t really talked about her current partner at all, I don’t ask and she kind of avoids mentioning him even though there is been plenty of chances where she could have easily brought him up.

 

Here is the thing, I am considering going back to NC for a little while, again. The reason is because I have found myself analyzing our communication lately. At first, I was fine with LC… it didn’t seem to bother me much, but lately I find myself questioning why she doesn’t bring her partner up or throws it at my face, just like I would have expected her to do, just like she did with all her other exes before. And this is the part where I need your advice: Should I tell her that I am going NC? Or should I just go ahead and ignore her?

 

If I do tell her my intentions of going NC then my whole nonchalance approach will fail because now she would know that I actually care. But if I don’t tell her and just go ahead and ignore her again, it seems kind of rude.

 

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply and/or read my thread!

[april15]

Unless you need her in your life, go NC and stay NC for at least a year. Do not go back even to LC unless you can really be nonchalant, not just act nonchalant. Do not worry about being rude.

[Nirvana1986]

Thanks, April15. I was aiming towards just going NC and not worrying about how she feels, and I guess I just needed some reassurance. Thanks again!

[twistedfate]

Wow. I feel like I could have been the one writing this post. Same exact scenario, pretty much. Though I don't know FOR SURE that my ex is with someone else. Just pretty skeptical that he's not just "friends" with someone.

 

Will be interested to see what your responses are.

 

Personally, I'm going back to my therapist soon and was going to ask her what she thinks I should do. I also feel like just going straight into NC was kind of rude. Especially because I would like to keep things cordial in case of reconciliation. My thought was going to be that I reply to any other initiated contact with something like: "I just don't think I can heal with us keeping in contact as friends" type of thing.

 

Don't know though-- we'll see what the pro says. haha!

[irishgerry]

I went NC for 4 weeks, felt great. Then I got a few texts saying she missed me. LC for a few days but missing me doesnt meen wanting to get back together. Felt I was overanalysing the texts a few days later so went NC again. Got a text then for my bday but didnt respond so feeling better with NC. Not falling in to the trap of LC again!

[tresqua]

If I do tell her my intentions of going NC then my whole nonchalance approach will fail because now she would know that I actually care. But if I don’t tell her and just go ahead and ignore her again, it seems kind of rude.

 

Forget about the nonchalance attitude getting her to come back, NC is not a tool to win back an ex!

 

You have decided to go NC so you can get on with your live and move forward not spending valuable emotional energy reliving the past. You don't need to tell her what you're doing or why you're doing it, she lost that privilege when she broke up with you.

 

She knows you still have feelings for her because you unblocked her number after 1.5 months. That says more than you think it does. ALOT more. I suggest you block it again, once and for all.