My NC Journal For Healing :)

[Lovelaughlife]

Day 1:

Hi. So Im new to this. Im not very used to putting my story out there. But I guess, once Im healed, I could look back over this thread, and smile.

So, my ex broke up with me about 3 months ago. I was clingy, and would pick up a fight with him over the little things. I admit its my mistake, and I deserve everything. We were together for 8 months, but we were good friends first. Well, to keep the story short. I started being clingy and jealous during the relationship, which I now regret. He put up with my clinginess, and one day he had enough.

 

I have accepted that its over and all I can do is to move forward and learn from my mistakes, and hopefully be a better person. So that why I started this NC journal!! I actually started NC or LC a few times, but due to having alot of mutual friends, and going to the same uni, its hard to avoid him. If I avoid him, Im pretty much avoiding my close friends.

 

Until now, I still kept the hope that he will come back, but I see that he's not coming back now. I had the habit of constantly trying to pick up hints if he still likes me, and always misinterpret everything he does, this gave me false hope, and slowed my healing process down. So last night, I defriended him off facebook, and blocked him too. I deleted his number. I suspect he blocked me off msn and skype, I also did the same.

 

So this morning, we had to do our uni timetable for next semester. I tried to pick classes that I hope he wont go. Because I want to remain no contact under an circumstances. Its my birthday this weekend anyway, I was thinking of calling him for a catching up and see how it goes from there. But I decided not to. I dont expect a happy birthday call/text from him, given how he treated me, ignoring me, and acting like he's having so much fun with his female friends.

 

Today, I actually felt calmer after blocking him on facebook last night, like some pain is gone. I hope this continues.

[mdrnlvdly]

maybe we can help... would love to repost your journal at our relationship site... if interested send me a line at [link removed[/email]

[Lovelaughlife]

THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - Daydream Enginner

 

Hey Guys and girls,

 

 

Let's start the No Contact Challenge. This has personally helped me 2 years ago, and i have seen many members asking for "how to get my ex back", and after breakup questions. The idea is a simple one, for 60 days, you will not talk or communicate with the girl that bazooka your heart. In any way, form, or communication, and every time you feel like saying something to her, you will write what you were going to tell her, AND/OR why you want to contact her, in this thread instead. This has been field tested by me, and it works from selling your soul to the she-devil.

 

You are going to do No Contact for yourself, you need to get away from here and move on. You will feel a transformation at the end of your challenge, and the ex that broke your heart, won't be a parasite in your mind anymore. You might even get your ex's attraction back, but you will be busy thinking about other girls to give her a second chance.

 

No Contact - The Guide

 

Quote:

 

from: majord23

 

 

So, you’ve had your heart broken, probably begged and tried to convince your ex to get back together with you and failed. Realising that staying in contact is causing you more pain than you can handle, you take the step of implementing this ‘No Contact’ (NC) that we advocate widely on the forum.

 

So what’s it about then? And what is going to happen?

 

Hopefully, most of the answers will be in this thread

 

What is No Contact?

 

While a seemingly simple question, there are variations of what ‘No Contact’ can mean.

 

1) You tell your ex that you won’t be contacting them and that they shouldn’t contact you.

2) You don’t tell your ex anything, and just drop off the face of the Earth.

3) You don’t tell your ex anything, you stop contacting them…but still allow them to contact you and you reply. (potentially damaging)

 

In my opinion, the most effective forms of NC are 1 and 2. They allow you to heal, as the ex isn’t given any way of providing you with hope (bait) or potentially emotionally damaging information (who wants to hear how great their life is without you?)

 

When starting NC, it is up to you what you want to say to your ex. Most people seem to say something along the lines of “Don’t call me unless you change your mind and want to give us another try”. It might also help to let them know that the window of opportunity to reconcile (from your perspective) will not be open forever.

 

You also may want to tell the ex why your cutting them out of your life – tell them it is so you can heal and move on. And in reality that IS why you’re doing it……

 

 

Why implement No Contact?

 

First and foremost, you are removing the source of your pain (your ex) from your life. If they aren’t in your life, they cannot hurt you – it’s as simple as that. And while the loss of the ex from your life in itself is painful, the benefits far outweigh the initial emotional turmoil.

No Contact allows you to get back on your feet and start to feel confident in who you are again. Remember a time when you were single and happy? Well No Contact is going to put you on the road to getting back to that point.

Some may be reluctant to take steps to regain independence, but you are useless to anyone (including your ex if they want you back) if you are unable to be happy with yourself.

 

No Contact can also serve another purpose, and this is the one that (if you are seeking reconciliation) will probably be used by you as inspiration to keep strong in avoiding picking up that phone or sending that email.

And that is of course, to send your ex a wake-up call and perhaps make them second-guess their decision to end the relationship.

 

 

 

Will No Contact bring my ex back?

 

Perhaps, perhaps not. There is no fool-proof way to get your ex back…if there were, we would all be using it and would all have our exes back.

 

There has to be some desire to reconcile inside your ex – NC will not create that desire, but it may certainly bring any underlying doubts they have to the surface. That does not mean that your ex will act on these doubts…but you can be certain that NC will at the very least make them realise just what life without you is like.

 

 

 

Will my ex miss me?

 

To be honest, it shouldn’t matter – you should be doing NC for YOU. Having said that, it is always easier to stay focussed on maintaining NC if you know that it is having at least some effect on your ex.

So, will they miss you? In most cases (unless you have become a thorn in their side), yes - absolutely.

For those who have exes that want to remain friends: Why do you think that is?

It’s because they want you in their life. Exes very rarely stay friends…so in effect, when an ex asks to stay friends they are essentially saying “I still want you in my life”.

They are not ready to let you go (yet), so by implementing NC you are forcing them to lose you right then and there. NC prevents the ex from using you to cushion the blow of the break-up….by weaning themselves off you slowly.

Without NC you can be certain that once your ex is back on their feet emotionally (helped there by you), that the ‘friendship’ that seemed so important to them at the time will be non-existent.

No Contact is a far better option than staying friends. Being friends causes you pain and allows your ex to heal quicker. NC causes your ex pain and allows you to heal quicker

 

Not exactly rocket science, huh?

 

 

When should I implement No Contact?

 

ASAP but you must be certain that you can stay strong and stick to it. NC isn’t a decision that should be reversed until you are completely healed. If you keep implementing NC and then breaking it, it sends a message to your ex that you are needy and haven’t got the strength or the conviction to follow through on your commitments. Using NC without being genuinely committed to it is a recipe for disaster – you will break it and look weak. And you if you try to use NC again, your ex will not be too bothered….because “You said that last time”.

 

That’s why NC should not be used as a ‘shock tactic’ – don’t expect to implement NC and for your ex to come running back to you in a week or even a month. If you use NC, you have to be in it for the long haul.

 

 

 

 

Will No Contact push my ex away?

 

If there is hope for your relationship, then no it won’t – it will make your ex think about their decision.

After a few weeks of NC, you’ll probably get worried and start deluding yourself with thoughts like “Maybe they’ve forgotten about me…and maybe they think I don’t still love them”.

If that’s the way you’re thinking, then how about considering this: If you have NC with your ex for a few weeks and then contact them to tell you that you still care…what message does that send?

It says to your ex “I implemented NC to move on and heal…and now 3 weeks down the track I haven’t moved on or healed at all.”

The ex will again know that they can still have you if they want you…and even if they don’t hear from you for another few weeks, they won’t be overly concerned – the last few weeks hadn’t diminished your feelings, so why would the ex think the next few will?

Not a bad little (HUGE) security boost for the ex there, huh? Not to mention a huge step backwards for your good self.

 

 

How long will I keep hurting?

 

For as long as you allow yourself to. Remember, the ex is now out of your life – they cannot hurt you. So if you’re still feeling pain it is coming from within you – not from them.

It is perfectly normal to miss your ex, and by miss I mean that some days will be almost unbearable.

Go out, meet with friends (don’t talk about the ex!) or if it’s late at night think about the things you didn’t like about your ex…and even revisit arguments you may have had with them. If you have to think about your ex, think about the negatives.

 

Thinking about the good times is pointless – there is no possibility of having them back at the moment, and to dwell on what you once had is ultimately self-destructive.

 

Ideally, you should be doing your best to not think about your ex – do whatever it takes and keep busy. The less you think about them, the less you will hurt. Soon enough, not thinking about them will become normal.

 

 

What if the ex breaks NC and calls/emails me?

 

Two options: Respond or don’t respond.

 

If you have completely given up hope or don’t wish to reconcile with your ex – ignore the contact and keep ignoring any further attempts at contact. Easy.