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what do i do if i have a 6month old and an abusive girlfriend...lots to say


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ok im new here but i shoulda looked for help long ago.....i havent told anyone...i feel very belittled...im in an abusive relationship and its increasingly getting worse.. i love my gf of 5 years very much but im now questioning why and wondering how could someone even hit me let alone yell and cuss so much at who they "love"....im frequently tricked into her caring about whats wrong only to be slapped by reality when the beast comes out...shes good at lying, somehow im always wrong and whats an issue isnt and nothing is wrong with her until im walking away n she is apologizing asking can we just move on from this n forget about it. im hit or gouged with her nails daily now, speaking of issues is out of the question, it always ends up fixing nothing...never any better. ive pretty mutch given up n just blow off anything that bothers me because its never a big deal or doesnt matter or she can always "justify" why what happened happened and why shes doing what she is doing....relationships are supposed to be 2 way streets...not one way....i just feel lost,,,n have so much to say im drawing blanks, im just tired of crying, day in and out and nothing ever improves....we both dislike eachothers families, but i am willing to get along and make things work because thats what your supposed to do...your with your partner for your partner not there family but its a package deal so you gotta make it work for your relationship....i drive to her house everyday or stay the night there so i can see my beautiful little baby boy, hes 6months old and everything i could have asked for, but often she interferes....i cant say anything because she threatens to take him from me...that shell get more rights...that shell get full custody, n that i an only see him when she agrees.....i put up with the abuse of being on a leash not being able to go anywhere but work or her friends so i can see my lil bigZ everyday cuz i cant imagine not....i get so sick when i dont....i work midnights n so does she and i always go with no sleep so she"" can nap n rest n shower etc....caffeine keeps me pumping...i dont have an appetite anymore....and i cant get her to leave her house for anything...even dates.....she wont move out with me...its time, we have our own family but her mother always finds a way to put her 2 cents in and keep her roped...her father died n her mother only has her daughters so she ruins all the relationships but i just hold on n chose my words very carefuly because i couldnt imagine losing her n my son...she wasnt always bad until 3 years ago......n since lil b was born its been a downward spiral...her excuse foreverything is she cant control her moods and she has alot of insecurities....i undrstand postpartum and hormones are a factor...but she was bad befor ever pregnant and im starting to get nervous to even sleep next to her....i usualy cuddle my dog n sleep on the edge cuz she hits me n digs me so bad if i bump her or "cuddle" ....she asked after last night if ii wanted to die in my sleep....so i layed awake until i passed out...waking up 3hrs or so later so she could sleep while i took care of my lil boy so she could nap before our 12hr shift......idk i apologize for this big mess of words its just soo much and im sure someone is in the SAME SITUATION....i neeed help....im tired of having no plans and being told shell come see me or we will do somthing only to be bailed on time and time again....it wouldnt be such an issue if shed let me take my son but she says go to hell and lots of other lovely things when i ask for time......she cant part with himn either...my faimly never sees him....unless its last minute baby sitting.....as far as my lil man knows theres only one grandma n one family....we cant ever take him to visit mine or my "frieds" i see when i go to "work" 1 night a month.....i better stop...i apologize....hope yall can get somthing out of my pathetic self....i know we shouldnt be together....but i want my family to work so bad.....she wont take meds for herself or anything....im tired of being cut down...im 21 and a great looking guy with plenty of opprotunities but there my everything n shes great when shes normal until theres a hair trigger..i didnt even cover it all so ask away

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It's easy to feel lost when we feel small, and intimidation or manipulation doesn't help. So first I would like to congratulate you for reaching for help. It's not always as easy as people might think.


What I might observe and that you don't see is that she's a fragile girl and that she's developed ways to defend herself better, but that just like with anyone, lying, bullying and shouting doesn't help. I think that with the current circumstances, you've been far into the circle of this bad habbit and that if you want to fix things with her, it'll take much time and patience, and it'll require both of your collaboration and effort. But since you say that she doesn't seem to put the effort on her side, then you are stuck with the common situation that you at least want to keep your rights to see the baby. Maybe would it be time to start consulting an advocate to get ready when she's going too far, because at this point, I do see it coming....


I would like to know, because I got confused in the following part: are you together and your son is kept at her parents house, or have you split recently?


I think you are strong and brave. It's really difficult to live in such a situation but I think you have been doing well and so please keep it up.

At this point your situation is pretty bad and it's impossible to repair instanteneously, but in the meantime while receiving advice and reaching for more support, please make an effort to be comprehensive, polite and understanding not to let the situation slip completely out of control.


We're here to help. Don't lose it.

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r"We" are still together.....just want to thank you so much for replying...I stay at her house on my nights off...so 2 nights...and sleep at mine during the day n drive there daily to see my son...2 days ago she was changing my son n he grabbed the diaper and smeared it over the comforter and himself....no biggie....I wasn't in the room but I was instantaneously yelled at upon me running in the room when she yelled at him...I tried getting her to realize what she was doing but no dice...I was calm and continued begging her to settle down....luckily her sister was there n stepped in but then she got the front...I quickly removed my son from the situation and later returned and she asked for help ..blah blah blah...same stuffs happening still ..and I asked if I could have him while she went out with her family so I could have some time but it turned into a why don't we just break up n u can see him on your weekend.....so I conformed with her and am watching him while she sleeps in the morning...n shell get ready to go out n then ill go to work....thank god for energy drinks....the human body can sure take a lot...just feeling real depressed and wish she would work with me more than just in her good moods...its causing major issues because my family never sees him and they see how she's wearing me down....as for a consultation...Ur right ill feel better with a lawyers view....Srry if there's typos I'm on my fone on break n its got smart word or something

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Idk why I put up with this for so long but now my sons in the picture it just isnt flying...she supposedly ordered her medications...I've been told to not give cash so I have document's and to file a report for her beating on me evry day so if it goes to court I have proof...my life is such a mess I hardly hAve any happiness...giving up would be so easy but ii refuse to let my son down...I'm the only one he extends out to to pick him up ...he just address me and it makes things that much worse

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  • 1 month later...

You need to get yourself and your son out of this situation as soon as possible. Think of it this way- if you had a friend whose boyfriend hit her and threatened her and their baby, would you encourage her to work it out with him or to leave as soon as possible? Your son shouldn't have to grow up in that sort of environment. Men can and do get full custody, my mother was abusive and my father was able to get full custody of me as a baby. If your girlfriend acted this way before she even became pregnant then it isn't just an issue of postpartum depression and the odds of her changing are so low that they aren't even worth considering. Please help yourself and your son and get as far away from her as you can. Wait until she is sleeping and take your son and get out of there. Go somewhere she can't find you and get a restraining order as soon as possible.

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