Hopeful for my long-distance relationship but having a hard time

[rusty7817]

My boyfriend and I have been together 8 months. We've loved each other for 3 years, but neither of us told the other about our feelings until 8 months ago. He is 800 miles away at school. We are both in our late 20s. Before he left to go to school we agreed that we would make this work and he told me to never doubt how much he loves me no matter what. We even talked about moving in together after we are both finished with school. (I'm going for nursing and he's going for diesel tech.) When he first got to school, we spoke at least every other day and texted also. Then he started being very grouchy with me and told me that we need to slow down and focus on our careers and that he doesn't want to feel like he has to get back to me immediately after graduation. He said he didn't want anything to change between us and that he loves me very much and knows we'll have a good life together. He is a very honest man and does not hesitate to say what's on his mind regardless of if it will hurt someone. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't say hurtful things just to say them, but, for example, if he were seeing someone else, I know he would tell me bc that's just the way he is. He doesn't really care about sex. We've never done it that often. He has always said he enjoys it but has a low libido and doesn't care about it. He takes valium for anxiety (and has PTSD from military service). I went to visit him about a month ago and we were good. We went on a roadtrip and had a great time and didn't fuss at all. He still talks about the future as "us" and not just "him". He also has pics of me and cards I've sent him plastered all over his wall. And I secretly saw a teddy bear I gave him for valentine's day in his unmade bed (which he put up thinking I didn't see it i guess). Since I left from my visit, he has called me less and less. About once every week and a half. We still text every day and he still says he loves me every day. I just don't know if this is a defense mechanism bc he misses me and doesn't want to feel anything so he just blocks it out or does he really just not care. I don't know what to do. Before I went out to visit him, I asked him why he was being so grouchy to me and he said let's just end it. I asked why and he said bc being single is easier. I asked if he still loved me and he said yes. Then he said he didn't want to talk about it anymore. A few hrs later he acted like it never happened. I'm so confused. I know there's no real way to know what's going on. I have to either trust that he loves me and just be patient with him or I have to end it. I love this man with all my heart and I do trust him. I have always gone with my gut feeling and most of the time I'm right. I don't get the feeling that he's lying when he says he loves me or that he's seeing someone else. I just need some advice and/or opinions.

[chelzee]

hello...well the first thing that came to my mind was that he's getting afraid of commitment or he's not sure what to make of his love for you. From what you've said, you seem to know him very well and he sounds as though he wouldn't be putting you through games and leading you...to me, it sounds like he's possibly getting afraid of commitment, and that is ok, some guys are afraid of it. So my advice to you, is to give him a little bit of space...it doesn't mean never talk to him or call him, but it just means let him take the time to call you up and be comfortable with what he's told you - he says he loves you, etc...sometimes the stress of school can also put a damper on a long distance relationship because you are concerned about your partner and yet there's not much you can do to reassure them because of the distance. It's unfortunate, but if he wants to make it work - it will... because you seem invested in this 100%. You are worth a phone call though, so I'd just see how long it takes for him to call you, if he has time to txt you, he has time to call you to say hello.

[rusty7817]

I appreciate your advice. I do try to give him space. I literally never call him. I told him it's not because I don't want to talk to him. I just told him he can call me whenever he wants to. I am definitely 100% invested. I have eyes for him only. I would wait a lifetime to be by his side. He's that special to me. To give you a little background, we were pretty much living together before he left for school. When it came time for him to leave, he tried to, but turned around and came back bc he said he wasn't ready to leave. I wasn't home when he came back, so he went to our neighbor's to hang out until I got home. So he postponed school for 2 months and then left. Not too long ago, I was talking to that neighbor and he said that my boyfriend told him that he literally had to pull over after he left the house to throw up because the thought of leaving me made him sick. And my boyfriend told him that it drives him crazy how much he loves me. So he came back. We both knew he would have to go eventually but we enjoyed those two extra months. I know none of this matters in relation to what's going on now. It just makes me smile to remember having him next to me. Thanks again for your reply.