last straw broke.......so now what do i do

[broken6]

ok so my ex of 10 years has just pushed me over the edge. we have been apart for 8 months now. we have kept in contact well low contact sharing a pet and seeing each other at group things and catching up to talk about the end of our relationship.

 

i saw something tis morning on my way to work that makes me feel he has lied to me again and it has broken me.

 

i m now ready to cut him out completely.

 

and people keep telling me to focus on myself, time will help.

 

but what is the practicalities of how i do this.

 

i have a new place with nothing of him in it. i have cut him of from seeing our pet, i have gotten another pet to keep our joint one company. i have joined a ballet class lost weight, look great. joined a new social group and having a lot of fun outings with them. found the friends i can really trust and rely on.

 

but what else can i do, none of that makes me happy to live with out him. what is going to make me happy again.

 

people keep saying i have to find it in myself, so where is it hiding, why is it hiding!

 

how do i do this???

 

do i allow myself to just suffer, and feel the pain. do i just go on and have a great time with other friends. i now know talking with him is not going to help and that has stopped i m not even worried about giving in to that, i know i will not.

 

but what do i do, how do you move on, is it a mentaal state, is it something you just wake up and relise one day, some of my friends think i need to just go have a few one night stands that is not me but if it will help than i m there!

 

any advice welcome

[broken6]

43 reads but no answers...... you all have me scared that no one has an answer for me.

 

someone must have an idea of how this works.

 

i do not have the answers, i was really hoping someone else would

[Dice7]

i wish i had some advice for you broken, but i am feeling the exact same things you are. sorry not to be of any use. just didn't want to read and not reply. hope someone posts something more helpful for you soon.

[carrie8484]

you are doing all the right things

 

being in a new place without immediate memories of him will be a very positive thing for you, its hard to keep focused on 'becoming happy again' but in my past experience the only real and genuine healer is time

i know you'r eprobably looking for an immediate solution to the feeling of loss and emptiness but look how far you're coming along - new friends, new interests, your doing fantastic and all these things will contribute to keeping your mind occupied

 

 

[Carus]

Everything you've been doing is so important so keep all that up. Keep your life moving even if you feel like you're not*

 

The way you are feeling though is being driven by your thoughts so as much as you have kept up the physical side of things, it's time to look at the mental side.

 

Kind of a dumb question but have you really sat and dealt with what you went through? Cried it all out? Distractions help us to move forward but nothing is ever lost to the mind unfortunately so it will always be there and needs to be processed properly*

 

I'll suggest some meditation. Try and get 10 mins in the morning and 10 at night where you can just sit or lie with no noise and just be with your thoughts. If you cry, cry. Let it wash over you and then pass. Work towards acceptance that everything is calm and will be OK and gratefulness for all the things you DO have*

 

You'll have to try and keep this up but over time it really will help. I still do it today 2.5 years out*

 

And like Carrie says, be patient with yourself....Look after You*

 

Best of Luck

Carus* 8-)

[nsomnia912]

I would advise absolute no contact...for you it will be hard 10 years is a long time to adjust from...give youraelf some time.....and of its not you to have one nighters then don't.... I am going through a tough time myself...we all are, its hard and in the end its a journey we all must face on our own ..for some its a first time...others have been down the road before....

 

Keep your chin up...have faith and smile.. the time will come when your ready...be patient. Everything will be ok. Just believe.