My girlfriend was a virgin.. Can a longterm relationship ever last?

[Renegade85]

Hi everyone,

 

I am 25 and my girlfriend is 20. We met 2 years ago and she was a virgin(She had a boyfriend from high school but said they never did any of this). We have had a great relationship and are together all the time but I'm concerned that she might want to get more experience at some point. We have an amazing sex life, very kinky, etc. I've had two relationships before her and some short term flings. I've only told her about the relationships and not the flings because I don't want her to be jealous of my past. Earlier in our relationship she would comment how I was her first but she wasn't mine. The problem for me is I know how much this can bother someone. With my previous two girlfriends the fact that I had never been someone's "first" before really did bother me. I just figured it wouldn't be as much of an issue for girls because a guys virginity doesn't seem to have as much importance or expectation in society.

 

I guess what I am asking is... in an otherwise healthy relationship, do you think we are destined to take a break or stop seeing each other completely so she can get more experience? In the past month, she has been acting kind of sneaky and seems interested in a coworker. She tends to avoid mentioning if he will be places when she says who she is out with and I've heard they are hanging out one on one at work. She works in a national park so they do have a lot of independent time. Otherwise she has never given me reason not to trust her so I haven't really mentioned anything.

 

I've graduated university (comp science) and I am currently applying to medical school. I know this can take a little bit of a toll on relationships. I just feel a little vulnerable at the moment as I really am head over heals for her. She is a very pretty, athletic, somewhat shy, video game playing girlfriend who I wish could be a rock for me. Especially right now as I know this coming year is going to be rough with applications and interviews.

 

The issue with the coworker is kind of making me put my guard up a bit and I think she's noticed. I guess I just don't want to act too seriously and get hurt. Can a girl have a long term future with her first (sex wise) boyfriend or will she be looking?

 

Thanks for the help!

[hexaemeron]

You can't min/max this. There is no probability scale here. Either she will want to explore later, or she won't. You just have to follow a good mix of your head and your heart and not let an overabundance of one of those rule how you behave.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It depends on the girl. Some know what they want and don't need a buffet while others think the key to happiness is test driving many men. If your gf is showing interest in another guy I would not conclude it was her lack of sexual variety that made her do it..I would conclude that she simply is not ready to settle down and wants to play the field and see what other guys have to offer (not just sexually).

[lavenderdove]

I think a larger problem here is that she is only 20, and most 20 year olds are still figuring out who they are and don't want to settle down right away and may just want to date around in general, not just due to sexual issues. Their hearts can be very fickle at that age, so she may become infatuated with someone else and leave to date him due to her age and growing and changing still, not any sexual dissatisfaction.

[banal]

Yeah, it's not just the fact that she lacks experience sexually that will break you; it's that she is 20. There are thousands of things that can go wrong. Odds are that this relationship will not last. I plugged your relationship-specific input variables into my Relationship Success Generator and came out with a 2.21% 5-year survival rate. Sorry, pal.

[Renegade85]

Yeah, it's not just the fact that she lacks experience sexually that will break you; it's that she is 20. There are thousands of things that can go wrong. Odds are that this relationship will not last. I plugged your relationship-specific input variables into my Relationship Success Generator and came out with a 2.21% 5-year survival rate. Sorry, pal.

 

Lol! Although this is quite funny it's kind of sad at the same time.

 

I think I was hooked on the sex part because that was an issue for me. It's funny how it doesn't seem to matter to me anymore though.

 

And I definitely understand about the age thing. I know how I was 5 years ago and I couldn't imagine it now. I think my biggest issue is I've always been able to maintain my independence with other women. I was always on a fast track with other things going on so I've never felt exposed with a girl before and the idea that she might leave me was never a pressing issue. Now that I'm at a cross roads, especially changing career direction and applying to medical school, I just feel like I will probably lose her. I guess you never know though... if both our parents are any indication it could work, but that is from a different time.

 

Oh well, I think what I just need to do is enjoy what we have now, and understand she's young and so am I really... and that a lot can change. Good time to take out the boat lol.

[Ms Darcy]

I think a larger problem here is that she is only 20, and most 20 year olds are still figuring out who they are and don't want to settle down right away and may just want to date around in general, not just due to sexual issues. Their hearts can be very fickle at that age, so she may become infatuated with someone else and leave to date him due to her age and growing and changing still, not any sexual dissatisfaction.

 

I agree. You sound like you two are at different stages of life. I would actually be very concerned if she's developing a male friendship behind your back. See ya back here .... in a few months.

[hrtlsngl7]

Yeah, it's not just the fact that she lacks experience sexually that will break you; it's that she is 20. There are thousands of things that can go wrong. Odds are that this relationship will not last. I plugged your relationship-specific input variables into my Relationship Success Generator and came out with a 2.21% 5-year survival rate. Sorry, pal.

 

Relation Success Generator? LOL, you gotta send me a link to that Banal!!

[banal]

I just got out of a relationship with a younger woman (older than 20 though). It's tough...because I told myself the same stuff, that I was going to enjoy it while it lasted, be happy for our time together, etc, but it's not possible to "cap" your feelings to a certain degree. Like, I could not just limit the amount of love I felt for her. even though I knew that the relationship was ephemeral. Sure enough, she broke up with me due to many issues (some mental on her part), and one of the main reasons was what she didn't feel like being in a committed relationship at her age any longer.

 

If it's any comfort, few relationships last, age-difference or not.

[_Asti_]

For some people, no this isn't important and they are fine being with one person.

 

My husband has been my one and only sexual partner. He was my first, but he had previous relationships and sexual encounters. It never bothered me that he had more experience, since he found it made him a better person overall, knew what he now wanted in a relationship, got to experience sex in a relationship vs. a one night stand and realized alot of things.

 

Now for me, I don't need those things. I valued sex from a very young age, and knew that sex within a relationship was for me.

 

I started dating my husband at 18. He was 23. Also 5 years apart in age. 7 wonderful years later, we're married, and couldn't be happier.

 

I have never wondered what else is out there, questioned what it would be like to be with another man, or yearn for other sexual experience.

 

He does it for me. In every way possible.

 

As I grew older, we grew closer. We tackled post secondary education together [despite a 5 year age gap] settled into the work force, grew into the adults we are, all the whle building a fabolous relationship.

 

I know many people who have only had one sexual partner, and it was never an issue fpr them.

[Renegade85]

Thank you for this story Asti! I am busy at the moment but will try and comment more later. You have helped put my mind at ease a little bit as we are very close and get along so well in so many ways. I actually don't think it would be a problem if I brought up the issues I'm curious about with her, but I think it's more me not wanting to appear insecure.

[resilient7]

Speak to her about it,better out with it now than later on when it'll be harder to digest.I too feel that it is the age,she is 20 and therefore probably curious as to what else is out there.It truly depends on the individual as it was for Asti.But most women at the age want to explore.I dated my ex when she was 18 and I 23 and it was the age factor that did it for us.

[_Asti_]

A few years into the relationship, my husband did bring up "I have been your only partner" kind of thing, and questioned if I was going to want to experience other people, and 'move on'

 

I remember being so hurt by it. Hurt in the sense that he didn't 'trust' me. I am not sure how to explain it, but I felt like he was doubting me and my committment to him and my desire to be with him. But, whatever. We have a very open door policy when it comes to sharing things, and it is a valid fear or concern...but don't let it get in the way of the relationship.

[jengh]

This is just me but if I could have met the right person the first try, I would be the happiest person alive. Experiencing random sex is overrated and has caused me a lot of drama.