Please help me find the strenght to stik to mmy decision..... :'(

[waytoodown]

Hi everyone,

 

Long story short, my boyfriend tried to put himself in a situation where he could have cheated on me (read previous post for more information; he says that he didn't actually cheat, but yet he lied about everything until I confronted him with evidence, so I can't trust what he says to be the truth anymore), says he will never be able to trust me fully (but won't get help to learn to trust), and his behaviour for the past 6-8 months lead to believe that he has been taking me for granted, to say the least. Due to all these factors, and the fact that all my friends and family, who used to love him, now truly believe I should break up with him, I intend on doing so tomorrow.

 

However, I've run into a minor issue... I'm so emotionally attached to him, love him so much, etc. that I'm already debating changing my decision and not doing it. (This is also due to my insecurity of being alone, the fact I'll be moving to his city for my career no matter if I'm with him or not and know no one there, etc. ) We had made plans for every weekend this summer already, plans for next year and the year after that too. We get along great (for the most part, as all couples do have arguments) and had such similar goals and values in life.

 

I've had a panic attack not so long ago. My friends and family all work full time, and half of them live out of town. (The only ones who are not working typical hours go out drinking every night, which is not an option for me while I'm this emotional.) I quit my job a few weeks ago to get ready to move to my bf's city, where I have some arrangements (career-wise) so I don't have anything to do with my time other than panic, cry, and sink deeper in my emotional tornadoe!

 

I'm asking you guys for help on tricks, ideas, anything, so that I actually make it through this!! My rational side is telling me that in 1-2 weeks, things will start feeling better, but than I can't help but worry about what if it doesn't actually!? And even if it does, how am I supposed to make it that long? I only decided earlier today that I plan on breaking up with him, and the past 4 hours felt like forever and night time just doesn't seem to want to get here so that I can go to sleep and forget about this whole mess!!!!

[catfeeder]

When you get tired enough of the status quo, you'll change it.

[waytoodown]

I agree... However, I am a person who will take much more abuse and will try everything in my power, and then some more, to try and save a relationship even though I know it probably won't succeed, though I'm not quite sure why I'm so like that. My ex-bf had cheated on me, abused me sexually,physically and emotionally, and even after all those things were done, it took me another 2 years before I was able to finally let go of the relationship (by that point the damage he had done to me, my self esteem, trust of others, etc. was unimaginable). I don't want that to happen again, and last time I promised myself I wouldn't. However, I'm already finding it hard. Somehow, just like last time, my friends and family believe that I should have broken up with him a while back, but I somehow just keep putting in more time and effort, getting more emotionally attached, knowing what I know...

[catfeeder]

[...] Somehow, just like last time, [...] I somehow just keep putting in more time and effort, getting more emotionally attached, knowing what I know...

 

You made a promise to your Self through your own highest intelligence for a reason. You reached a point where you recognized that we never get back any wasted time back again for do-overs. You made it past your fears last time--trust that you can get to that place again. Thing is, you can't get there 'before' you take the leap.

 

When you're ready, you'll trust your Self. Until then, question whether this kind of suffering is any 'better' than the kind of suffering that can move you forward.

[endy]

Agreed with CF. You deserve better than that. People prefer suffering that is familiar... Just look on these forums. Almost every person wants something back that most likely will not work out again. Suffering that is familiar. A lot of people have a fear of the unknown and it's somewhat normal. We all die, there's nothing we can do to stop that. As we all die so does each and every one of our relationships on earth eventually. Some are just not meant to last as long as others. We learn what we learn from them (hopefully) and then move on.

 

What you are feeling is normal, but no trust in a relationship is poison to it. If you truly can't trust them, then it is not a mistake to end it. Good luck, and wish you the best.