Do not read this if you're looking for inspiration

[NeonLight]

It's more than 18 months now since my ex broke up with me due to GIGS. I'll try to share my recent feelings on the whole thing.

 

If you want to go through thing real long post, it would be worthwhile to see two of my previous posts to get some background: and

 

I'm doing pretty good. I have been running my biz which is pretty stable now, although nothing to be delighted yet. Taking fitness training. There are still a lot of things I need to improve on though. But most importantly, I'm mentally really strong. I feel I can take anything that comes my way. No matter what, I can move on.

 

She is doing terrible. She completed graduation with poor results. Now looking for jobs [have been doing a part time job for last 3 years though]. Most important of all - she is mentally very fragile and unstable now.

 

How do I know? I know because she kept contacting me every other week for last 8 months.

 

She did do a lot of terrible things with herself and me during this time.

 

Last September, one day she called all of a sudden and made a most weird request. She requested me to talk to her GIGS and convince him that she was in love with him. That the previous 10 months after our breakup, whatever interaction we had [over phone/net] was 'not misleading signals' to me. That she just wanted to be friend with me. Nothing else. There was no chemistry.

 

I didn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. I was 100% sure it was all misleading signals from her to me [i could have not responded to those all, but I did minimal response as I didn't want to go hard on her]. But anyway, After a long conversation that day, I finally agreed to send that guy a message saying those really meant nothing, and she was totally over me [can you believe this? I, I, I agreed to send message!!!]. I wouldn't have done it, but as we [i and my ex] never ever lied to ourselves, I believed what she said, although not at all convinced.

 

I'm putting that message here that I sent:

 

 

Hello, It's K here.

 

It's kinda weird that I'm contacting you, but anyway it was required.

 

This morning C suddenly called me and described that something has gone seriously wrong between you two. And more peculiarly, all these started due to her messages and friend request to me over FB

[i saw the message as she forwarded]

. She was so upset and this is why I'm sending you this message.

 

Let me frankly tell you, I was also confused with the messages sensing some mixed signals at times. But I finally talked to her regarding anything and everything, and discovered that those were nothing more than 'random messages' as she occasionally 'missed me'. Also, she has a crazy idea that she and I should still be friends [which I've already rejected anyway]. So, it makes sense for her to get nostalgic as we had been in the most amazing relationship on earth for over 4 years.

 

I just want to say you that she had not been cheating with you during last few months. Rather, she is so much passionate for you. S, I guess you may want to give your relationship another try. To her you're the guy synonymous to unbelievable amount of passion and attraction. You've got the 'guts' to be there for her in ANY situation at all.

 

Finally I must say honestly that I feel both of you need to take time and decide what's best for yourselves. Keep me out of equation. I'm nobody.

Wish you all the best. btw.. i believe this is our first and last interaction regarding the issue.

 

K

 

 

I remember that day had been the saddest day of that year to me. I cried like hell not knowing what to do. Although I was in LC with her, and totally trying to move on, this sudden shock took me out of blue. This is because I guess somewhere deep in my mind I was still wanting her back . Anyway only positive thing to take from that was - Get into complete NC, with no hope whatsoever. I told her to totally stop contacting me.

 

 

However, that guy replied:

 

 

Hi K. How are you???

 

First of all I didn't mind that you wrote to me. But the thing is that she made a contact with you again. I didn't like that approach. I can't understand why she needs to describe you these things.

 

Secondly I don't believe those were random messages. I am not so liberal that I can allow her to have some mixed feelings. And specially when it's about you. I can't find any reason for being nostalgic.

 

Thirdly I don't want to know whether she is cheating with me or not. I actually don't care now.

 

Even yesterday I wanted to give a second thought. But at the moment I heard that she again made a contact with you, I took my final decision. And it's over.

 

I appreciate what you did. And also thanks for explaining everything. Yup it was first & last interaction regarding ANY issue. I guess, we will both remember this.

 

 

There was nothing for me to do anyway. I was determined this time to not be involved with her again. That was hard to do. I knew getting over her would be the most difficult thing in earth; so rather than trying to forget her, I deployed a strategy that I would call 'pause strategy'. I just totally stopped thinking about her or any relationship or anything related whatsoever. There was nothing better to do for me. And yes, that somehow worked. I totally moved on, carefully sealing my heart from love stuffs. Still I remember, I could make the following 3 months my best 3 months in a long time. That's what happens when you take a strong decision and stick to it.

 

 

Anyway, second part started later in January I guess. One day she called me crying and wanted to 'confess' something. She cried like anything and told me she lied to me last time. Last time when we talked about that whole getting over thing, she was actually not over me. She lied to me because she wanted to 'save her face' to that GIGS guy. And as she knew I would have never sent him this message until I was somewhat convinced, so she had to lie.

 

I could not believe what I was hearing. Holy crap, am I a part of some overly complicated novel?? Or what is happening? Anyway, rather than freaking out, I somehow gave more importance to the fact that she was devastated, and I could sense that even though she didn't tell it. And terribly, that somewhat ruined my 3 months' move-on journey, and dragged me to misleading signal zone again.

 

I don't quite remember what I did next few months. Just remember that we made a plan to meet, which never happened. She didn't make it. And worst of all - That GIGS guy was still with her, although she didn't love her. I asked, why don't you just tell that to him and break up with him? She then gave me the most strange answer one could ever imagine - She had made things overly complicated with him; like - she felt lonely, so he needed someone to talk to. And as I too stopped answering her mostly, she didn't know what to do, and went with flow.

 

I knew each of her words were true. Only she can make things as complicated than this. I believed because each of the conversation we had in last few months, was kinda 'confession' to me as she admitted how immature she acted during and since our breakup.

 

I believe it is more than obvious to anyone to freak out and never see her again. Anyway I felt the opposite thing. During the whole time till now [particularly last couple of months] I knew I could go out of it if I want. IF I WANT. But I could not / did not do it because I know she would be devastated without me. I know I can be the happiest person in the world may be even without her all by myself; but yet I'm not letting myself to be. Why? Because I just can't see her getting devastated.

 

I feel I've become mentally unbelievably strong that I may not even need her in life; but what I feel more is - she needs me.

 

This is sht, totally crap I know. If someone described me this as his situation, I would have suggested him to be away from her forever [100 out of 100 times - same suggestion]. But I can't do it for myself. I'm not trying to glorify my love, but I can't just stand that she needs me badly, but I'm not there for her because I've 'moved on'.

 

Next week we're finally meeting. I hope this will be our last meeting ever, or may be the beginning of the many meetings. I'll tell her strictly to call it off with that guy [gosh, what the hell she did with him!!!] if she wants to even contact me again ever.

 

Guys, I guess you're totally annoyed with me if you're still reading. But here you'll finally find something good - I'm meeting her NOT to just get back with her. I just want her to get out of the hell she created from nowhere. And then we'll see if we can get back together. I promised to myself, if there is any way I'm getting back with her, it will be a total new beginning, with no flaws carried over from last time.

 

Any suggestion?

 

Thanks in advance!

[TakingtheBlame]

It disturbs me that she's done the things she's done to you (which, at worst are completely insane, and at best are completely and utterly disrespectful to you as a person) and you are still not completely turned off to the idea of ever getting back together with her again. She doesn't NEED you badly, she is manipulating you and she needs to stop trying to have her cake and eat it too. Tell her you will not take her scraps of attention and let her go get help. Don't butt in about her relationship with this guy...she made her bed, let her lie in it.

[BMP2CPM]

HER: She almost cried, "I know if there is no one else, you'll always be there to listen to me. You're my best friend... I know you'll be there."

 

Your actions are kind of proving her right.

 

You talk much about her needs, not yours.

 

Ask yourself, "Who would Superman rescue?" Lois Lane has her act together, that's why he keeps rescuing her in the comics. Superman digs women who aren't a mess. Plus Superman knows that even with his Super powers, he can't rescue a wreck.

 

This girl is no Lois Lane.

[DanDee]

The flaws WILL be carried over from last time and deep down you know it. You sound as though you're trying to justify and talk yourself into doing into getting back with her, knowing full well that she's clearly using you for emotional support and as a back-up to this other guy that isn't interested in her anymore. Girls and guys that do this annoy me SO bad because they prey on others' vulnerablity and weakness. It's emotional abuse. Don't to it to yourself again, getting back with a girl with issues like that - you really don't owe her anything.

[NeonLight]

Thanks for your thoughts guys.

 

As I've mentioned, I myself would have suggested others to stay as far as possible from a relationship of this kind. Anyway, I just still want to give ourselves another chance. Stupid. Foolish. That's right.

 

But this time, if I meet her, it will be only for good. To wrap it all up, or to start over.