thegirl_00 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 months. My boyfriends best friend is a girl. I don't mind him having female friends because my best friend is a guy. I found out recently that him and this woman dated briefly about 6 months ago. It was basically a sex thing and i found tons of naked pictures of her on his computer. Now I am extremely uncomfortable with their friendship. They talk all the time online and via text but he never tells me what they talk about. I met her twice so he isn't keeping her a secret from me but it is still a lot to handle. I also found out that he was cheating on his last girlfriend with this woman.... and I am supposed to be ok with them being friends? Am I way out of line for thinking this is unacceptable?? For the record any guy friends I have were never sexual partners in any aspect. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Normally, having friends of the opposite sex is ok but the bolded part is a huge red flag in my opinion. Not only did he sleep with her but he cheated on his past girlfriend with her. I would not be ok with this friendship. Link to comment
Glowguy Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I don't think you are out of line at all especially considering that he cheated with her in a past relationship. Calling this girl "best friend" seems like a stretch to me. Given his character and the level of communication between these two, you might want to consider cutting your losses since you are only 2 months in. I know I wouldn't be comfortable in a relationship like that. How did you find out about this? Did he volunteer it or did you find out through other means? Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 If he's been totally up front with you about all of this, I think you should take that into consideration when you're deciding if you want to stay or leave. If he's being up front, I'd say you have far less to worry about. Link to comment
thegirl_00 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 He has not been up front. I had to find it out by snooping. Link to comment
banal Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Yeah, until I got to the part in your OP which Huntress bolded, I was thinking that this was just something you'd have to deal with and get used to, especially if you're relatively young. But he's already cheated on someone else with this girl? That would scare the hell out of me. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 He has not been up front. I had to find it out by snooping. Wow, snooping barely two months in? Yeah, we're done here. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 The "friend" has to go. If not, he's fired. Link to comment
NightLily Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I'm not going to turn this into another one of the many anti-snooping campaigns. So I will just say, good thing you found out now. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 hm. i find the whole thing very suspicious. i would not be ok with this situation. wonder why he's not dating her?? Link to comment
NightLily Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 hm. i find the whole thing very suspicious. i would not be ok with this situation. wonder why he's not dating her?? I wonder the same thing. My first guess was that she isn't "that" into him... Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I also found out that he was cheating on his last girlfriend with this woman.... and I am supposed to be ok with them being friends? History usually repeats itself... Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I think that this is a situation that you want to get away from and if you are already snooping then you cant even establish trust this early then the relationship is already over. Link to comment
waytoodown Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Honestly, I would say get as far away from this man as you can, and fast!!! My bf and I might be breaking up because of a situation scarily close to what you're describing, only we've been together for 2 years and I only discovered the truth about her recently. But seriously, the past will repeat itself, so don't let yourself be the girl who has to suffer the consequences of getting cheated on by this guy, please. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Sounds to me like they have an FWB setup going on and it doesn't matter whether he is in a relationship or not. He has tons of naked photos of her on his computer. Yep, I think it is time to end this relationship because talking to him about it won't do any good. This guy wants who he wants, when he wants, how he wants and nobody else matters. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 It doesn't matter what you call it--unacceptable, unworkable, whatever. I'd make this less about him and more about me. So my question wouldn't be about him at all, but rather whether or not I'd want to set myself up for a future of looking over my shoulder (and everywhere else) to find even more things that I don't accept. What kind of life is that? I'd walk. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I agree with Crazy. It sounds like they have an ongoing FWB thing that neither seems to respect boundaries of other relationships to further. I have a lot of guy friends that I was once involved with, but as soon as one of them gets involved with a new girl, I really maintain my distance, and make sure our involvement is totally on the up and up. His cheating in the past (and with her!) really is your biggest flag here. But, it sounds like you suspected something, otherwise, why did you snoop? Which isn't a good sign after two months, I'm sure you know. Link to comment
thegirl_00 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 Thank you all SOO much for the advice! I appreciate it! I talked to my boyfriend about everything and he ended up getting really emotional. He said he has no problem ending the friendship with her because lately he realized they didn't really have much of a friendship at all. They have known each other for 4 years and their families are close, but he said the friendship with her is nothing compared to the relationship with me. He said he hasn't liked anyone as much as he likes me ever and it's a no brainer to let his lady friend go if it means I will stick around. He then showed me his phone and all the conversations they have via text. None of them were sexual and they go back for 3 weeks. Link to comment
superfox Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Wow! Never saw that response coming! I was going to say if you issue an ultimatum then you'd lose! Hope everything works out for you both Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Thank you all SOO much for the advice! I appreciate it! I talked to my boyfriend about everything and he ended up getting really emotional. He said he has no problem ending the friendship with her because lately he realized they didn't really have much of a friendship at all. They have known each other for 4 years and their families are close, but he said the friendship with her is nothing compared to the relationship with me. He said he hasn't liked anyone as much as he likes me ever and it's a no brainer to let his lady friend go if it means I will stick around. He then showed me his phone and all the conversations they have via text. None of them were sexual and they go back for 3 weeks. I would definitely proceed with caution, and not look at this as a quick fix. The fact that he didn't address this until confronted speaks volumes. With this issue coming up after only being together for two months, and with the lack of trust already, this would lead me to be doing some serious thinking. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 He then showed me his phone and all the conversations they have via text. None of them were sexual and they go back for 3 weeks. You do know that texts can be edited, right? Still doesn't take away the fact that he's a cheater, and so is she. I doubt he's going to cut her out of his life. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 You do know that texts can be edited, right? Still doesn't take away the fact that he's a cheater, and so is she. I doubt he's going to cut her out of his life.[/QUOTE] That and the fact that you're always going to be suspicious of the two of them. Not worth the stress. Also snooping already when you should in the honeymoon stage feeling that high of a new relationship. I think this relationship is doomed from the start, sorry! Link to comment
Fudgie Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Let me just say, there is NOTHING wrong with men being friends, or even best friends, with women. My best friend is a guy and it's okay. It goes both ways. These guys are not true "friends". They are just FBs. He has a history of cheating and they have a romantic history. Best friends don't have that sort of history and they definitely don't cheat with each other. This guy is a loser. Move on. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I agree fudgie- does not sound like a 'best friend' to me. more of a FB, lol. Link to comment
thegirl_00 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 I can't say that I don't agree with everything everyone is saying. And at this point I am debating whether it is worth me sticking around. But before I make any serious decisions I need to make it clear that he isn't all bad. This girl that he is friends with he has known for 4 years and their families are super close. One of his best friend is this girls brother. As soon as him and I started dating he had no problem introducing me to her and he didn't hide their friendship at all. She added me to facebook and was very pleasant from the start. She had a family party that I was invited to and I went. I didn't snoop per say... He left his hotmail on and there is a section that says "Pictures". This is where I found a bunch of naked pictures of this girl in this folder that were dated about a week before he broke up with his ex (So I guess for the last week he cheated?). The pictures stopped in January. But she had a boyfriend from november on. So she was cheating on him I guess... or at the very least sending my boyfriend naked pictures for a few months during the beginning of her relationship with her new boyfriend. There is no sign of him doing anything since we have dated. And I truly believe he has done nothing while we have been dating. He is head over heals for me and I can tell you that 100%. He is super crazy about me and all his friends have told me they have never seen him like someone this much. He even has shown me text that he sent to this girl about how much he likes me and that he always gets so excited to see me. These texts were not planned out either. He is very focal with her about how much he likes me. He didn't say that he could cut his female friend out of his life completely because it would be very extreme. But he said he has no problem talking to her as little as possible. I appreciated his honesty. Thoughts on what I just mentioned would be appreciated!! Thank you all again!! Link to comment
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