Moving to the next recovery step

[sam suva]

Hello and thank you for this site.

 

My name is Sam, and I am an abuse survivor of sexual, physical, emotional and verbal abuse. I am also an

offending physical abuse survivor, having abused my wife and children. My abuse of them stopped with my wife in 1994, and my children in 2009.

 

I have been in sexual abuse recovery since late 2009, and have successfully recovered my identity, my self esteem and validation. I no longer suffer from the coping mechanisms of sexual abuse, and have a healthy perspective of me, my marriage, and my children.

 

The clarity of the sexual abuse recovery has brought to light the physical and emotional abuse I was subjected to as a child. I find that all of the abuse I was subjected to I repeated as something normal in my family of creation.

 

I now want to confront my parents for their abuse. I feel this is the next step in my recovery, and would like to understand the best way to go about this. I have wrote a letter of confrontation;

 

Sins of the Parents

 

Preface,

 

From the time I was about six years old till I was about 10, T**e sexually abused T**m and N**e and I by getting undressed and asking us to touch her wherever we wanted, and we got undressed, and were sexually touched as well. This happened in the R**o house in the parent's bedroom, in F**r in the barn and in the Ford van that I can remember.

Later I was told T**e was sexually abused when she was four or five years old by a landlord of Mom and Dad's.

 

Sexual abuse is a destruction of normal empowering development. The result was an abnormal, self destructive lifestyle that was reacted to by our parents by lashing out in physical abuse. Until recovery, I was overwhelmed and controlled by these "lessons" I had learned in my childhood. I was and am responsible for my actions as an adult, but I was not to blame for the abuse I was subjected to as a child.

 

From my personal experience, approaching the authorities is empowering and a wonderful relief, as well, it affords a clean conscience.

 

This matter will come before the authorities, these specific events will be brought to them, with or without your cooperation. Dad, for you, it would be particularly helpful to be present, acknowledge this as a process that will temporarily feel painful, but ultimately will lead to freedom from fear.

 

I hope only that I can gain you completely, without fear, and you can experience the freeness of speech, the breaking of the cycle, the healing of your family as I have seen in myself, my wife and children.

With your confession, and actions in accord with your words, comes my safety, the assurance that I will never again be hurt by the two of you. Until then, I will, of necessity, have to live in another state.

 

You loving son,

Sam

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Physical and psychological abuse of a child is actionable(investigation, arrest and conviction) within the following context:

 

Child abuse is any mistreatment of a child that results in harm or injury and that has no ''reasonable'' explanation.

Child abuse is generally divided into several categories including physical, sexual, emotional, and neglect.

 

Physical Abuse

 

Physical Abuse Includes:

Physical beatings

Slapping

Hitting

Burns

Strangulation

Human bites

 

Emotional Abuse

 

A pattern of behavior that attacks children's emotional development, their spirit and self-concept and makes them feel unloved, unlovable and worthless.

Constant criticizing, belittling, insulting rejecting, withholding love, support or guidance

Emotional abuse is thought to be the most common form of abuse, as it usually accompanies other forms of abuse and has the longest lasting effects.

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I have tried to speak to Dad and Mom about these over the years, Dad told me once that my childhood was a "B*tch" for him, quote unquote, when I was newly married.

 

Were any of these incidents to have been reported at the time of physical evidence, the police and social services would have been involved.

 

Dad

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Dad: He took B**n and I to a bar, the Trails Lounge in Portage. I was pre teens, and B**n was a child. He drank until he became drunk, could not finish his drink, and poured part of his drink into another drink and could not finish it. This was on a night we should have gone to the meeting.

He drove home, and he passed a police officer in a parking lot.

 

He started talking about how important it was the police were there to protect us, and I started to cry. I was scared, my dad was drunk and acting strangely. He told me I needed to grow up, and reached over B**n, then hit me with the back of his hand in my mouth.

 

PS, when I tried to talk about this with my siblings, T**e, T**m and N**e, I was told indeed, I needed to grow up, no support or compassion. In that same conversation, Tayanne cried and sobbed for the fear she was feeling, in the front yard of the P**e house.

 

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Dad: fishing and Cheerios

Dad and I woke early to go fishing, and I wanted some cereal. I opened a new box of Cheerios, and he became angry, and hit me in the head. This was in R**o.

 

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Dad: fighting over macaroni and cheese

The relationship between Dad and I was violent by this time in my teens. He walked past me and I threw a bowl of mac and cheese at the back of his head. He spun around and tackled me, put me in a head lock, and punched me in the face with his other fist.

He got up, and I pushed him out the back door, and a police officer was passing by, and Dad got his attention. I ran away. This was in P**e

 

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Dad: spanking N**e when she told him she was scared of him

During a "family study", N**e started crying. The study stopped, and was quiet, then Mom urged her to tell Dad what she had told Mom. N**e summoned her courage, and looked at Dad and told him she was afraid of him. Dad stood up, and took N**e into his study in the P**e house, and spanked her.

 

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Mom

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Mom: leaf rake

In the R**o house, the children did not put away a leaf rake. One was asked, and the four children begged off and gave the responsibility to the next youngest. None put it away.

 

Mom became angry, and got out a paddle, and told us to line up on the couch. She spanked us until the paddle broke, then she got a wooden spoon. I remember wriggling because of the sharp pain.

 

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Mom: T**m and I fighting over cars, belt and hand and bottom

T**m and I were fighting over play cars in the basement of the P**e house. Mom and Dad came down and were angry at us. We became terrified and made a plan to try to get out of the beating we knew was coming.

Mom came down with a belt, and Tim and I shook hands, hugged and apologized. Not good enough, Mom had us bend over a cabinet next to the stairs and began beating us.

 

I stopped counting at 9 hits, and at least once I put my hand behind me because the pain was so great. My hand was bruised as Mom continued to hit me.

 

The bruises lasted for many days.

 

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Mom and Dad

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Mom and Dad: Kicking me out of the house before I was 18

I was in trouble with the law, and I was smoking. I was trimming the lawn when Mom came home from work and told me I had to leave the house.

 

I was terrified. Mom told me later she knew I was scared and did not want to leave.

 

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Any comments are welcome, thank you.

 

Sam