Should I be regretting for the rest of my life?

[Surajthapa]

Well, the relationship started in september 2009 and ended february 2011. We hung out and dated got intimate for first few months and rented a house together in Jan 2010. But I guess we just needed to slow things down that time but as the went by, we were very close to each other just like at the beginning of a any relationship ( the honeymoon period). We've spent good one year together though there were some tough times during this time(like any relationship).

Finally when year 2011 came, I had to move to another city and I didn't ask her to come with me, I just told her that I am moving to another city for further education as I was working in a factory and didn't think that I could work their for the rest of my life. I guess I made a big mistake there by not asking her to come with me or sharing this with her. I realized later how self-centered and selfish I was. By the end of time of our separation, I started to feel like I can't live without her. I had this regret or guilt in me telling me that all this time I was keeping her behind a big lie that I was holding to myself only. I realized that how cruel person I was. Last

two weeks with her were the worst for me. There wasn't a day when I didn't cry or try to convince her that I

have changed and want her back and to come with me. Unfortunately for me, We had broken up 4-5 days before I got this feelings for her. I couldn't breathe. I felt like my whole world has gone upside down and even If I go and study and have better future, it's not gonna be worth it if I will not have anyone to share it with, especially the person that I am crazy in love with.

 

I went online checked every pages on the internet on how to get your ex back and blah blah...Instead of working on myself I was making it even worse for myself. I was drunk almost everyday or got high just to get relieved but I was mostly weeping to myself. Finally, the last came for me to move to another city and I finally asked her one last time. Her reply was, " I don't know, I still have feelings for you but not like before and I want to be free and take my time, who knows what might happen after 5-6 months or even a year...I don't know. but I don't think I will have feelings for you like before." I had nothing say. I was completely lost. There was no Earth under my feet. Sadly, I helped her to move to one of her mates from work. By the way we used to work in the same company. We kissed goodbye. I had to admit though I have lost her....

 

After I moved in to new city, I was becoming even more restless, stressed out , frustrated and kept on thinking how could I get her back now that I've realized what I did with her was wrong and I only wanted to give her and show her how much she means to me and obviously want her back but for the better for both us.

 

Few weeks went on by, without contact with her. After a while she started to text me and check my profile on social sites. I was writing my sad thoughts on my journal and posted some on my social site profile. She read it and asked If I was on drugs or hurting myself. I couldn't understand why would she ask me those questions if she doesn't want me back. I replied to her that I was doing fine and definitely not taking drugs and so on...

 

After a month I went to same city to visit my friends from the same company where we used to work together. I knew she was still working there. My friend told me that After one week or so after I left the city she started dating this guy from the same company. Imagine how I felt,??? I could only smile and say," well she thinks, that's what right for her then, she should". I didn't know how or what should I feel about this? Should I be ANgry, sad, jealous or anything or completely NOTHING. That news even made me more eager on how could she move on so fast and why were she asking those questions about my post if she was seeing some other guy.???I was so confused....

So, I started to date as well not because I wanted to be par with her but for my self-esteem because I was spending too much time reading bulls***s and doing nothing. I had to go out and work on myself.

 

I went to gym and got the physique that I wanted and got happier although at times I was sad but I was moving forward.

 

After 5 months of this crazy part of my life, she wanted to see me when I'm in the city. I said I could spare sometime. We met for lunch. Obviously, I still wanted to know what she thinks about me and if things goes well I might ask her to come back with me.

Nervous on the first date like she was someone new, when I saw her,'My heart still beat like a marching drum." We had lunch and during this lunch we both didn't asked or talked about if both us are dating or seeing someone or broke up or whatever although I knew that she was seeing someone but I wasn't sure if she is still seeing him. I just didn't care to ask.I acted cool through the whole date. finally when our time came to part she started weeping, her face went red. I asked her why she is making a scene now that we have both gone separate ways. She said that

she missed me and thought that we would never meet like this ever again and she was happy to see me.

I couldn't hold myself so I gave her a hug and told her I missed you too and only I know what's been up with me in the past few months.

LAstly, We shook hands, hugged and parted our ways. Next day when I came back to my city, I texted her and thanked her for having lunch with me. She said the same too.

Now, we are like friends I guess and we talked on the phone for the first time about usual stuff, nothing about the relationship.

 

Now, I don't know what I should do after all this has happened. What to do if I still want her back.??? I don't think but I am quite sure that I still am a big fan of her but I'm scared to tell her cause I have had enough of asking her and getting rejected as I think that will only make me desperate and clingy. Anyone could give me suggestions or advice would be a great help.....I hope I didn't get you bored, if I did I'm sorry I took some time of your life.

[Eocsor]

Time to move on. And no, you won't be regretting it the rest of your life. Someone else will come along to make you happy if you let it happen. This part of your life is over. time to get ready for the next part.