Can You Help?

[princess130377]

Hi

 

This is my first time on here but iv seen some good advice for others so I hope some ppl can help me.

 

My ex and I met 3 yrs ago again although we knew each other at school but had had no contact for approx 16 yrs!

We immediately hit it off having both just split from long term relationships. We had a whirlwind romance, too quick reali!

 

Anyway last year he cheated, broke my heart having a 5 week relationship with another girl while still seeing me. We tried again after he ended that cause i loved him! Yes i had problems trusting and he found it hard to trust me too cause of what he had done.

When we are together it was perfect but apart it was a nightmare... the text arguements were rife and the hurt was horrendous. He started adding random girls to facebook that he didnt know and that really hurt me.

 

So last weekend he went out, no contact with me and we argued. He told his mates it was over with me, but didnt tell me till mid week when he said it was over with a break. I said we needed to talk but he insists we have nothing to speak about. Basically he is running away burying his head in the sand. When I pushed him he said he still loves me but needs a break. I did the worst thing and for a few days I text, called, emailed etc practically begging him to reconsider.

 

Now i dont know what to do. He is still in contact with me, but last nite i saw a convo on fb with another girl... xxx all over it. It destroyed me.

 

He says I need to give him a break but all i want is closure. Is it a break we r on or is it over?

 

I want to do nc but he is still texting me... do i reply? If i dont reply he askes if im ignoring him?

 

He told me by text that we could go out for a drink on Friday night... this isnt good idea i know but then will he forget me and just move on?

 

Part of me knows its for the best cus we werent goin to work but it hurts he can just brush me aside after 3 years. Hes acting like he doesnt see my pain.

 

Help me people.... advice please. This is driving me insane I cant eat sleep or focus on anything???

 

 

X

[Yaz]

It's over. Go no contact. Just act like he's dead to you.

[sidehop]

Sounds like a cheater with no remorse. Cut him loose, three years is long time but you don't need to add another day with a person like him. Focus on yourself and you'll find someone that can treat you with respect.

[princess130377]

But how, I'm finding it impossible. I love him dearly does he not understand what he's done to me?

[sidehop]

But you cannot love a person who cannot love you back the same. That's not love nor it'll end well; if anything it may seem good again but one can only have so much hope before the ugly side of thing resurface. Then what? You keep hurting and allowing yourself to be hurt. You can't do that to yourself.

 

We tend to rationalize one's action when they hurt us but you need to realize when enough is enough. Cheating and purposely trying to make you feel jealous by adding random girls is not love. If he loved you he would've done everything to show that he is remorseful and the fact that the trust is deeply broken. But it sounds like he's feeling the complete opposite.

 

You have to stay strong, each step you take to realize and focus on yourself you'll lead yourself to a better path that will heal you. It will take time but when you realize you can do better and not bother with a cheater then you'll find happiness again. Just don't fall to his level. He may beg in the end and tell you that he loves you but you have to trust your heart. You said it yourself, it wasn't going to work out in the end.

[princess130377]

He is texting me... asking if im ok... telling me about things he knows wud interest me... what do i do??? This is driving me crazy... i love him, i wanted it to work... what if he's just trying to make me jealous cus he loves me too. He has a track record of burying his head in the sand... he goes off on one to cope with things... i just wanna talk to him honestly and clear this up but he refuses to talk... he says we can meet but no talking or arguing about 'us' yet i feel so much is unfinished.

its 3 yrs of our lives why cant he see that even in a break up there r things that need to b said... im not suggesting that we defo get back together but i want to talk to him, but he blocks me at every chance if i mention us. When i pushed him the other day he said he did love and fancy me... that if he didnt care about my feelings then he wouldnt still b in contact and that he can c my pain... but y does he show no care???

 

Does he hate me now or does he need space to figure things out? i too handled this all wrong wen we split i did the needy desperate texting etc and pushed him away even further.

 

I ges i just need closure that will only come from an honest talk with him

 

I care deeply for him, infact yes i still love him but what do i do... i feel im in a no win situation... he holds all the cards.

 

x

[mhowe]

Closure doesn't come from someone else --- it comes from letting go. He can't be honest with you, and you know that, so talking with him will be pointless. There has been cheating, hurtful actions on his part ---- not the actions of someone who truly loves you. Hold tight to your dignity and walk away. It doesn't matter if he texts you....he holds NO cards. You own your future, not him.

[princess130377]

so i ignore any text from him???

ahhhhh how ?

[mhowe]

You know how to ignore! It means take no action to reply. Let it be.

[princess130377]

but its soooo hard.... i dont want him hurt too x

[mhowe]

Not sure how that is possible. He cheated on you, told his mates it was over between you before telling YOU and you still care what he thinks. If he asks if you're ignoring him --- say YES. You are moving on, in fact. Thanks, but no thanks. Please, grab some reality here and look how he treats you. You can do better.

[Eocsor]

Mhowe is right. Get some self respect and move on. No one respects a doormat. You need to find a backbone and stand up for yourself. Otherwise people will use you like this the rest of your life.

[princess130377]

OK ok i ges i seem like a doormat but if i love the guy i love him. he isnt all bad, the relationship problems were 50-50. I cant help it if i still feel something for this guy.

but i understand why everyone says move on he has treated me worse than i shud expect. But do i take some of that blame???

Im just used to having him there and the fact he texts me on and off is confusing me... talk about mixed msgs!!!

Yes i need self respect he shudnt of done what he did but then i have done some crap things too although not as bad as him!!!

I just wish we cud lay those things to rest and move forward as friends if thats how its gonna be. Y does it have to entail all this bitterness and hurt?

Am i the only one who is wishing for an amicable break up???

[Eocsor]

Usually each side had their part to play in the breakup of a relationship so you have some blame in this too. But it's over so it's time to move on and learn from what happened. And yes, usually breakups come with all sorts of bitterness and hurt. You can only truly be friends once that passes and only then if no romantic feelings are still there. Friends after breakup is rare. What people usually mean by that is amicable when you meet in public or a catchup e-mail once in a blue moon. It's not a real friendship.